iNeed You Now More Than Ever
by arreyellewebb
Summary: Sam has a problem. You can't tell from the way she eats, but she's slowly getting smaller and smaller. When Freddie finds out her secret,she needs him more than ever. But the question is, Will she let him in?
1. Chapter 1

*Hello everybody! I'm trying once again to write a Seddie. This one is going to be longer than the others though. If you are reading my other stories (Boston mostly) Sorry I haven't updated yet, I've been writing more; I've had so many ideas! Well thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it (: *

*Re-Edit} Hello all, I decided to try to tweak this chapter up a little bit. I really hope it changes it for the good. Thanks for reading (: Make a great day.*

{I don't remember when I started to feel un-pretty. I don't remember when the smell of meat started to make me sick. I don't remember when I lost control…}

As I stumbled into Carly's bathroom after eating a whole plate of ham, I looked at myself in the mirror and I was disgusted. I'm not the same Sam I was three months ago. I'm _skinny_ now. But eating all this meat is making it harder to stay that way. I should tell them; I mean they are my friends. I should make up some kind of excuse, like I just grew out of meat, or my Father's dying wish was for me to become a vegetarian… _God I miss him so much_.

My dad died a year ago. I didn't tell them though. I told them he had run off and married some red-head bitch and moved out of town to start a new family without us. I told them he had walked out on us. I don't know why I lied to them; I guess I just don't like when people die because everyone is all like 'I'm Sorry' and saying things they don't mean. I don't want people feeling sorry for me so I figured if I made it sound like he was a douche and I hated him, then it would be fine. It's not like he was around when he was alive anyway. He was always 'Pursuing his dream' of selling ham on the subway (Maybe that's why I liked ham. ) and either didn't come home until late or just didn't come home at all. The night he died, he was visiting Melanie at her fancy little boarding school…

_**I was sitting on the couch eating some ham and waiting for my mom to come home. It had been an uneventful day and I wanted to ask her if she went to the store; Or if she would at least give me the money so I could. **_

_**My mother worked at as a receptionist at the Taynue Spa and Salon so I often stayed up to hear her stories about the whiny girls who come through there. My mother stumbled through the door an hour early, loud and clearly upset. I watched as new tears slid down her face when she saw me looking at her from the couch.**_

"_**Mom…" I started, partially standing and wondering what the hell had happened.**_

"_**Sam, Samantha… Your father… passed away. Melanie just called… She… said he was shot…Leaving the… school…" She broke off in a sob.**_

_**My brain froze then. I couldn't think. All I could see was my father; Memories of him. Going to the park… the beach… him walking out the door… I was overtaken by a mountain of memories, good and bad. My mother seemed to notice and stayed quiet too. We both gasped as we heard it, my plate falling to the ground. I watched it fall, watched the ham flip off of the plate and onto the floor…**_

I felt my eyes watering. _No. Not here. Not now. _It's amazing how much I remind myself of him. We had so much in common… shook my head, trying to forget. I looked again at my reflection. I squeezed my stomach and saw a tiny fat roll. I walked over and got on my knees next to the toilet. As the vomit left my mouth, I heard the door open and a gasp.

Freddie POV

"I gotta pee." Sam announced as Carly took her empty plate of ham to wash it.

"That's nice to know," Carly joked. Sam stood up and I couldn't help but notice how much thinner she looked. Before, she was perfect; she was skinny with the perfect amount of curves, looking like she just walked out of a magazine. There seemed to be a slight change, she was smaller, I knew it. I had this sudden urge to reach out and hold her. Feel how tiny her waist has gotten.

I watched her as she walked away; she looked smaller and smaller as she disappeared down the hall. I made sure no one was watching and was glad to see that Carly and Spencer were arguing and making spaghetti tacos. I slowly and quietly crept his way down the hall and stood in front of the bathroom. I'm not sure what brought me to do this; I mean who stands outside of the door while people pee? But some voice in the back of my head urged me forward, telling me it was more complicated than that. I heard her shuffling around a little bit. I was just about to turn and head back when I heard her retching. I didn't think, I just barged through the door to see Sam leaning over the toilet throwing up.


	2. Chapter 2

*Hey everybody! Thank you so much for reading and favorite-ing and alerting and all that haha! I would like to give special thanks to **mebelucy** for reviewing (: Very much appreciated. I'm going to write this chapter in a third-person point of view because I accidently started it that way so… Sorry for the sudden changes! But anyway, I hope you enjoy it! *

**Sam POV (Still in third person)**

"Freddie… I… Um…" Sam racked her brain for an excuse that could confuse someone as smart as Freddie. "I'm… sick. Flu season you know?" Sam didn't really know if it was flu season, but she decided to give it a try. "Maybe I ate some bad ham" She tacked on for good measure. After a short silence, Sam realized that he had just burst into the bathroom. "And why the hell did you just burst in! Ever heard of _privacy_? Jeez Fredly, you'll never get a girlfriend if you keep doing stuff like that!" Sam said, trying to go back to the way things were; pretend nothing happened.

Freddie didn't say anything. He just stared at her. He looked over her, _really_ looked, and Sam knew he could tell how much weight she had lost. She watched as the pieces clicked together in his head, bracing herself for whatever he might say about it. She hoped he would try to ignore it and just let her live her own life and make her own decisions. _I mean it's not like he cares anyway. Of all the shit I've done to him, He shouldn't care. _Sam thought, trying to calm herself. The silence, and the way Freddie was looking at her, was starting to freak her out a little bit.

Suddenly, Sam _wanted_ him to say something. She wanted him to wrap her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. She wanted him to get angry and threaten to tell her mom. She wanted a _response. _

She stepped closer to him, "Freddie? Are you okay?" She said softly, biting her lip. He still remained silent. When Sam was about to burst, he finally spoke.

"I'm tired of the lies Sam." His voice was blunt.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, giving him a confused look.

"Why are you doing this? To you? To me? To Carly and Spencer and everyone you care about? Why are you doing this to us?" Freddie demanded. Now it was Sam's turn to be silent. She never thought what she was doing was a _problem_; not really. She didn't think it would affect the people she loved. She was confused when Freddie said that. _How the hell does this hurt _them?_ I'm the one throwing up everything I eat…_ Sam thought. Freddie was waiting for an answer, Sam knew that, but she also knew that she couldn't give him one right now. She wondered if she ever could.

**Freddie's POV (Still in third person)**

She was quiet; Freddie stood there and waited for her to answer. _Why would she do this to herself? Why would she want to put the rest of us through the pain of watching her do it? _Freddie wondered. He continued to watch her as the silence got longer, and more unbearable.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sam finally said, her voice was barely above a whisper and she looked down as she said this, as if the ground would swallow her up stop this conversation from going on.

"You know what I'm talking about Sam." Freddie said. He was surprised at how unnaturally calm his voice sounded even though his brain was frenzied and his heart was aching. Sam remained silent for a minute, and then she looked up.

"Why do you _care_, Frederella?" Her words hit him like daggers. He let them sink in. _Why _do_ I care? We're enemies. Well, frenemies. We've been that was for as long as I can remember. Maybe, when you know someone as long as I've known Sam, no matter what, you care for them._

"Because I care about _you!_" Freddie blurted. Sam looked surprised, but she could never be as surprised as he was. Freddie though, realized it was true. Somewhere, in all those years they've known each other, he'd started to care about her. _How in the world did that happen?_ Freddie wondered. Sam still looked shocked, but she shook her head vigorously; As if she were trying to shake the whole conversation from her mind.

**Sam POV (Still in third person)**

After a while, Freddie reached out and firmly held her shoulders; Stopping her meltdown. He hugged her, and didn't let go for a few minutes. Sam was too shocked to react. He pulled away, and Sam thought she saw a tear sliding down his cheek but she wasn't sure because before she could say a word, he was out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Freddie's POV (Third Person)**

"_**Freddie?" A voice called to Freddie. He was in a forest and all he saw were trees, he couldn't find the person the voice belonged to. **_

"_**Freddie I need you." The voice sounded pleading now and Freddie saw a light on one end of the forest. **_

_**He ran in one of those slow, dreamlike ways. He finally reached the light and suddenly, everything was white. Freddie was alone in a white room. He looked around the room, confused and anxious. **_

"_**Freddie, I love you…" The voice said this time. He followed the voice forward, determined to find out who it was. He kept walking, and walking. **_

_**Finally he saw something up ahead, a bed? He walked faster and soon broke into a run. He finally reached the bed, shocked to see, none other than, Samantha Puckett. **_

_**She looked up at him with those blue eyes and Freddie noticed that they were glassy and seemed to be focused on something far away. Her skin and blonde hair were both unnaturally pale. Is she dying? The blanket that covered her was now gone and Freddie could see why she looked that way. She's skin and bones, literally. Freddie picked up one of her arms and felt every bone there. She's a walking skeleton. **_

"_**Freddie, don't leave me…" She seemed to reach for him. She placed her hand on his cheek and they stared in each other's eyes for a while. Then, she started to drift away, her hand coming off of his cheek, leaving his cheek very warm.**_

"_**Sam! NO!" Freddie heard himself shout. **_

"_**Bye Freddie…" She whispered as she disappeared into the sheets…**_

Freddie awoke with a start. He could feel sweat on his neck and stomach, and he realized he was panting. He looked over at his clock, 4:19 AM. He sat up and wiped the sweat from his neck.

After panting for a few minutes He quietly snuck over to the bathroom across the hall, being careful not to wake his mom. He closed the door and turned around before flipping the light switch on. He rinsed his face with cold water and looked in the mirror. He couldn't get the images of Sam out of his mind; her when he caught her today, and her in his dream.

Suddenly, he knew what he had to do. He turned the light off and walked back over to his room, throwing on some jeans and a t-shirt. He grabbed his jacket and quietly and carefully, snuck to the front door of his apartment. He was glad his mother was a heavy sleeper as he opened the door and walked outside.

**Sam's POV**

"One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I" Sam groaned and reached for her phone. *One new text message*

"Who the hell?..." She mumbled checking the time to see that it was. 4:30 in the morning. She pressed the message,

**Hey you up?**

It was from Freddie. He hadn't talked to her since what happened. He had immediately left Carly's and went home, telling Carly he had 'homework to catch up on'.

**I am now. What do you want, Frederina?**

Sam typed, sitting up and stretching. She was wiping her eyes when she felt her phone vibrate again.

**Can we talk?**

Sam figured he would want to talk about this, she just didn't think it would be through text message, or at 4 in the morning.

**Uh, sure. What do you need?**

Sam typed that and sat on her bed silently, anticipating what he would say next. She felt herself slowly drifting off but woke herself to wait for her phone to vibrate.

"Well, first of all, I need you to learn to lock your windows." Sam jumped and gasped, shocked to hear Freddie's voice as she saw him climb through her window. Sam felt her mouth drop open as Freddie flashed her his signature smirk.

"What the _hell _are you doing here Benson!" Sam jumped up and looked at him as if he were crazy, and then rethinking it, "Though I have to admit, I am impressed. Fredward Benson snuck out. At night! Priceless." She nodded in approval as he walked into her room and sat on her bed. Sam watched him as she talked; Slowly his smirk became smaller and smaller until he had a look on his face that Sam had never seen. On anyone. He looked as if he were looking for something, in his head. _Does that even make sense? _Sam asked herself, looking at his face which was now blank and expressionless, his eyes dark and unreadable.

"I told you we needed to talk," He said calmly. His voice sounding soothing and blank. _What is up with him? Why is he so freaky calm. Emotionless…_ Sam looked at him carefully before speaking.

"Yea you said we needed to walk. But not in my bedroom at 4 in the morning!" Sam whispered loudly. "You are so lucky my mom is hung-over and my room is on the first floor!" After her dad 'went away' Sam's mother began getting drunk on a regular basis; Slugging to work; Yelling at the cat, and occasionally Sam. The two didn't talk anymore, they couldn't without thinking of the man who was no longer there. Sam knew she was a constant reminder of her father, especially with how alike they look, so Sam keeps her distance from her mother; For both of their sanity.

Freddie shrugged and examined her. After a few minutes, he hesitantly held his arm up, touching her stomach since she was at arm's length. He winced, but didn't move his hand. He slowly pulled her shirt up, letting him see how hollow and empty her stomach looked. He shook his head and had a disgusted look on his face. Sam bit her lip, but let him look.

"Sam, do you eat? Because there's no way throwing up can do _this_; usually throwing up makes you skinny fat, _not_ skinny _skinny_." He said running his hand over her stomach. His hand was warm against her skin and Sam was shocked that she liked that. She bit her lip harder, and felt it start to bleed.

"I…I'm just not hungry…" Sam mumbled pathetically, avoiding his eyes.

"Not hungry all the time?" Freddie stood up, hand still on her stomach, raising his eyebrows and trying to look her in the eyes, but giving up when she concentrated her attention on a stain on the floor. _Why does he have to look at me like that? With those chocolaty, warm eyes? _Sam began to get angry. She pulled his hand off of her and shoved him away. He feel onto her bed and she stomped her foot.

"How am I supposed to feel! I have to look at all these girls on magazines and on TV and I pass a fucking Barbie almost every day. I mean guys don't _date_ me. They just see me as the girl who can beat them with a newspaper. They don't see me as pretty, or _thin! _Do you know how _hard _that is? And I'm practically alone with it. Every guy we meet looks past me and sees _her_; like I'm invisible or something. I'm almost 16 Freddie, and guys won't even go out with me. And the guys who do are complete douche-bags. I figured if I looked better I'd feel better. And I feel fine thank you very much. So you see, I _don't _have a choice! It's either be pretty and thin; or die alone." She practically hissed the last sentence. Sam could tell Freddie was shocked, but not as shocked as he was.

They were both quiet for a few minutes, and then Freddie got up and wrapped his arms around her. Sam didn't notice she was crying until she heard the sobs and realized they were coming from her. Freddie just stood there and let her ruin his jacket. He rubbed her back, but he didn't talk. There wasn't much he could say right now.

After Sam calmed down and they were sitting on her bed, Freddie had his arms around her as she silently wept on his shoulder, Freddie asked,

"How long?" The question came out hollow, no sign of emotion in Freddie's voice. Sam took a minute to try to clear her voice up,

"About two, two and a half months…" She replied, staring at his face to see his reaction. He cringed, then shook his head again,

"So long…" He murmured so low that if Sam hadn't been paying attention, she would've missed it.

"Sam, do you… do you _want_ to stop? I mean like if I could help you with the whole guy thing?" Freddie hesitantly asked the question that would alter both of their futures. Sam seemed to think about it for a minute.

"I want to change, Freddie, I want to be healthy, be better. But how do I know the guys just _aren't _interested and there's nothing you can do about that?" Sam asked Freddie and he responded as honestly as he could,

"Sam, if those guys don't like you then they are stupid and you'll find a guy someday, that puts all of them to shame; a guy who's there for you and doesn't care what you look like. I'm going to help you with this. You have a problem, a disease, and I'm going to help you with it. But I can't help you if you don't want to be helped."

Sam was quiet for a long while, and Freddy started to wonder if she was asleep.

"I'll try," Sam finally whispered. Her head was still on his shoulder and he moved so he only had one arm around her. "But can you stay? Just tonight? Please? I need you Freddie, more than ever." Sam pleaded. Freddie had never seen her so weak and vulnerable. Just like he'd never seen her cry. _She's changing_. Freddie thought. He nodded and laid her down, tucking her under the covers. He laid down next to her and put his arm around her. "I can only stay a while. I have to be home before my mom wakes up." Freddie told her, and she nodded. She snuggled against him, a position that would've been sexual, but was mostly protective. After a few minutes, Sam was starting to drift off.

"Sam?" Freddie asked.

"Hmmm?" Sam said turned and looked at him.

Freddie kissed her forehead, "If it counts, I thought you were beautiful before."

*Aaaww (: Haha. I hope you all like it! I love this chapter, and I am so sleepy right now, but I _had_ to finish this chapter before I forgot all of my ideas! R&R please! Oh and favorite! Make a great day – Ariel*

*Re-edited (:*


	4. Chapter 4

*Okaydokay everyone, Sorry I haven't updated yet. With school starting and all that… Look, I know she isn't supposed to quit so soon but I was showing that in this chapter. But anyway I'm going to shut up and let you read this chapter. I hope you enjoy it! -Ariel*

"Oooung…" Sam groaned as the light shone through her window and awakened her. After trying to hide underneath her covers and try to fall back asleep, she knew it was useless. Sam got up and went to the bathroom; she has been drinking a lot of liquids and peeing a lot more ever since she started with her problem. The whole time, Sam thought that it was worth it; anything to be pretty, anything to be noticed.

Sam looked at herself in the mirror and felt her stomach. As soon as her hand made contact with the flesh, she remembered; she remembered the hand that touched her stomach less than 12 hours ago; she could feel the soreness in her throat from yelling and crying; she remembered how strong his arms felt holding her; but she would not allow herself to remember how good it felt. She would pretend it never happened and go back to hating him and bullying him.

Sam continued feeling her stomach, the way it felt so bony and small, she liked that. She reached down and felt her thighs, she sighed when she felt the horrible fat there, squeezing it as if that's all she had to do and it would disappear. Sam walked out of the bathroom and decided to hop onto her mother's old treadmill. As she walked past the front door, she heard someone knock, loudly enough she would hear it from her room. Sam looked across the room at the clock above the TV. _12:15pm, mom should be at work. Wow, that must suck with a hangover. _Sam thought to herself, as she groaned and ran to the kitchen, throwing the door open and pulling a piece of cold chicken out of a container. She walked to the door and pretended to be in mid-bite as she opened it.

Freddie watched as Sam opened the door, her eyes widening as she saw it was him. She yanked the chicken leg out of her mouth and threw it into the kitchen. _I can't believe I never noticed how small she's getting. She's skin and bones. Ignorance is bliss I guess. I mean just comparing it is killing me. How could I… we… let this go on? I thought Carly was her "best friend"? No one even noticed, maybe Sam's right, no one really pays attention to the small things she does. Well, the things that don't involve pain. _

"Hello? Jeez Freddork, Are you going to just stand there looking stupid or are you going to tell me what you're doing here?" Sam asked punching him in the arm. _It is amazing how someone so _small_ can be so _strong_. _Freddie thought as he rubbed his arm.

"Ow! I just thought maybe we could start your… er 'treatment'… with breakfast? I brought McDonald's. Big Breakfast; Pancakes and all, just like you like it." Freddie offered holding up the yellow McDonald's bag in his hand.

Sam hadn't noticed it but as soon as he held it up she could smell it. The pancakes, sausage, biscuit, and hash brown smells all drifted to her nose; Lingering, as if to taunt her. Sam felt her stomach churn and growl. Her hand flew up to her mouth as her head lurched forward. She took off for the bathroom, vomiting as soon as she got to the toilet.

Freddie didn't know what to think. He saw the alarmed look on Sam's face and heard her stomach growl, as she ran to the bathroom he stood there for a moment. Stunned and unable to move. He shook his head and brought himself back to reality, running as fast as he could to follow Sam. He walked in and she was already vomiting, he walked forward to grab her hair so it wouldn't fall in her face but she shot up pushed him away. Freddie almost fell but regained his balance by holding onto the sink for support.

"Freddie what the _hell? _Why did you bring that?" She held her breath and snatched the bag from him, throwing it out of the bathroom, as far away as she could.

"Sam I… I'm just trying to _help_ you!" Freddie stammered, frozen where he stood. He looked in Sam's eyes and for the teeniest part of a second, he thought he saw regret somewhere deep in her eyes; But it was soon replaced with a scorching anger.

"What are you _talking_ about? I don't _need_ your help! I don't have any problems, Freddie. I'm not a math problem you can figure out in 2 minutes. I'm not crazy and I'm not sick. There's nothing _wrong _with me!" Sam yelled, stepping close enough she was right in his face, she spat out the last sentence and Freddie could feel the venom in it. He stepped back so he was now partially in the bathroom and partially in the hallway. It took him a second to calm down, he could feel his arms shaking and he tried to hide the hurt in his voice.

"Sam, last night you said… you said you wanted help. You said you wanted me to help you. Sam you have a problem and I _want_ to help you. That's what friends do." Freddie said slowly, he could hear the way his voice sounded unsure and questioning and hated it. Sam was quiet for a moment, he watched as her eyes became blank, as if they were seeing nothing.

Her voice was detached, "Freddie, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have a problem. I'm perfectly fine. I think you should leave now. I'm very busy." And with that, she walked out of the bathroom and into her room, shutting the door and leaving Freddie to show himself out.

Sam locked her bedroom door and sank down to the floor. Her head sank into her hands as she listened for Freddie to leave; after a few minutes, she finally heard him quietly close the front door. Sam pushed herself up and unlocked the door. She slowly opened it, and after she was sure he was really gone, she locked the deadbolt on the front door and walked quietly to her mother's room. She climbed onto the treadmill, throwing the clothes off of it, making a mental note to put them back, and ran. She ran for hours, trying to run the thoughts out of her mind, trying to forget the words that seemed to be engraved into her brain, '_Sam you have a problem and I want to help you. That's what friends do.'_


	5. Chapter 5

*Hey you all, so I re-edited chapter one and chapter three, check it out (: Thank you all for being such loyal and patient readers (: I hope you enjoy! Oh and I tried to make Freddie's sound normal so I based it on the guys I hang out with. Of course they don't do anything they _really_ do when they're around me but… I tried. Anyway I'm sorry I'm so late. I've been working on another story AND I've had some pretty big papers due in school ): Boo. This chapter is… not some of my best work but I might edit it later on. I've having a huge case of writers block for this story. ): Boo to that too.

**Me: I'm sorry I'm late I…**

**Sam: Oh shut up. You better be sorry.**

**Me: Excuse me?**

**Sam: You're excused, now rub my feet.**

**Me: I am not going to rub your-**

**Sam: RUB MY FEET!**

**Me: *Ugh; Rubs feet* **Haha I've seen people do that and I wanted to give it a shot. BTW I changed the script at the last minute! I'm _not_ going to write about what Freddie and the guys did. Sorry ): (: Anyway, enjoy. *

Freddie and Sam avoided each other on Sunday. Both were far too confused and awkward about what happened between them yesterday.

Sam mostly went to girly stores in the mall with Carly because she knew Freddie would never go in any of those. She wasn't ready to face Freddie just yet. After what had happened yesterday Sam had went crazy with her workouts and slept when she wasn't doing that. This thing with him was really stressing her out and she figured maybe spending some tie with Carly would get her mind off of it. _Distractions. That's what you need_. She told herself.

She drifted through the day, barely listening to what Carly or anyone else around her said. As much as she tried, she just couldn't pull her thoughts away from that nerd boy. Sam preoccupied her mind with random thoughts and observations; Hoping something, anything, would distract her from her mind. She tried her best to hide it but after Sam bumped into someone and kept walking about three times Carly finally caught on. When they went to Build-a-Bra, Carly got tired of ignoring Sam's weird behavior and questioned her about it.

"Hey Sam, are you okay?" Carly asked casually, sifting through lace and cotton. Sam didn't seem to hear her; So Carly called her name. After calling her name seven or eight times, Carly threw a green and blue bra in Sam's face and Sam snapped out of her trance and turned to Carly.

"Whoa Carles, what's with the attack of the bras?" Sam asked, throwing the white undergarment off of her. Sam had been concentrating very hard on trying to forget Freddie and what he'd said to her yesterday. She tried thinking about everything and anything; Funny memories (That didn't include Freddie – Not very many), TV shows, she even let herself think about her homework for a few minutes. Now she was trying to picture Principal Franklin in a bikini.

"I was trying to get your attention. But anyway, Sam are you okay?" Carly asked once again, staring at her intently, trying to see through that huge wall Sam had put up.

"I'm fine," Sam said almost immediately. Carly honestly didn't get Sam sometimes. She pretended not to care about anything, but Carly could see that she'd built a wall; Ever since her dad left. Ever since Sam had told Carly her father had left Sam and her mother for a new family and moved out of the state, Sam had been… different. More careful, secretive. Carly and Sam used to tell each other everything, but Carly had a feeling Sam was keeping something from her. Sam could see Carly trying to decide if she believed that or not so she took that as her chance to distract her.

"Hey Carles, wanna go check out that new Ashton movie? I think the next showing is in like 30 minutes and if we go now then we can probably make it." Sam suggested desperately, giving Carly the most convincing fake smile she could manage. Carly kept staring at Sam for a minute, but finally cracked and looped her arm through Sam's as the two best friends made their way quickly to the theatre across from the mall. _This is perfect._ Sam thought. Not only did she get to avoid talking for about one and a half hours, but she also had a nice amount of time to try to untangle the mess in her head.

.

.

.

.

.

*separate*

.

.

.

.

.

Freddie decided to hang out with Gibby and the new kid, Walker. It was totally time for a guy's day out; Time to kick it with the fellas. Besides, the people in the Lip Gloss Emporium and Build-a-Bra know him _way_ to well. He called the guys at about noon and they all agreed to ride their bikes and meet at Rayner Park. They were just going to do the usual; Ride around, talk about video games, and race to find out who buys smoothies. Freddie took the scenic route there, stressed from all of the Sam drama.

For some reason, he couldn't stop thinking about her; how detached her voice had become in less than a minute. How she seemed to look right through him. _She said she wanted to change… She _wanted_ to. She knows she has a problem. She admitted it. Maybe it's just the disease talking. I'll have to do some research… Stop! Stop it Freddie. You don't care. You could seriously care less. I mean if _she_ doesn't care about her well-being then why should you? _He had been having these in-head arguments ever since he left Sam's.

He remembered almost every detail about what happened in those short thirty minutes minutes of yesterday; the way her usually golden hair was starting to look more and more like the pale mop of hair in his dream; The way her lips looked dry and chap; and the way that despite the mess she clearly looked like, she was still beautiful. He couldn't stop thinking about what she'd said yesterday; phrasing it as if her were the enemy and he wanted to manipulate her or something.

*"I don't _need_ your help! I don't have any problems, Freddie. I'm not a math problem you can figure out in 2 minutes. I'm not crazy and I'm not sick. There's nothing _wrong _with me."*

She sounded so mad then; so angry and sure. But he knew he heard something beneath that; something deeper. Freddie didn't know exactly _what_ that something was but he knew that if he didn't help her soon then drown in her disease. She's so obsessed with being perfect, so obsessed with _feeling_ perfect that she doesn't realize what it's really doing to her.

_I mean, why can't she realize that she looked just fine before she did this to herself? Something happened though; One day she was the old Sam, mean and lazy. Then, next thing I know, she's different. _Freddie couldn't believe he never noticed. She'd become more secretive; More… different. It was like she became something else; some kind of creature that just wasn't her. Freddie doesn't know if he's talking to Sam, or what she's become. Her eyes used to shine, blue and bright; But at some point, they'd become dull, unfocused; distant.

Freddie didn't know what he had to do, or even how to do it; all he knew was that Sam was drowning. She had been swimming at first, far ahead of everyone else, but she'd crashed, somewhere deep out at sea where no one had seen; and when she tried to fix herself, she went under; drowning under the pressure and the hurt, hoping someone could save her. A shark was pulling her down though, taking her deeper, and deeper under. And Freddie knew that no matter what, he had to try to pull her back up; she could have his life preserver, anything to save her.


	6. Chapter 6

*Hey so I'm updating this story and the other story super fast this time to make up for not updating last weekend. I had to rewrite both of them because Microsoft messed up. That's why I didn't update last week. I also just made up a random High School name, so if that really bothers you and you wondered if this was an actual High School, it probably isn't, but who knows. So it's somewhere around 4 AM and I'm exhausted, but I need this time to work on this story; that's how much I care about you all. (: Haha I hope you all enjoy! Make a great day – Ariel*

**Freddie POV**

Let's just say that I am NOT looking forward to school today. It's Monday; the end of the weekend and possibly, my sanity. Sam and I haven't talked yet, not since what happened at her house the other day.

After avoiding her yesterday and deciding that, even if she didn't want me to, I am going to help her, before I went to sleep last night I lay in bed and think of ways to help her. I even searched Anorexia and Bulimia on Google, but I still couldn't think of anything.

All of the sites say the same thing comes first: Telling an adult. But I can't do that; before the words even leave my mouth she'll have me halfway in my casket. I can do this though. By myself. I just need her to play along and stop being so damn stubborn.

But long story short, I was anything but relaxed when I walked into John Kennings High School on Monday morning. I didn't want to be here. I had made up excuses and faked sick and everything.

"But Mom, I really AM sick!" I whined that morning at the breakfast table. "My temperature is 103 degrees!" She looked at me across the table and lifted her left eyebrow,

"Really? Well does that have anything to do with the heating pad you took from my room at 5:13 this morning?" She asked, eyebrow still raised and hands folded on top of each other. I gaped, shook my head, and picked at my - fat free, sugar free, _flavor_ free - oatmeal.

I still don't know how she knew that I woke up extra early to sneak in her room and take the heating pad. I figured she would have freaked out the second "sick" left my mouth. She was oddly cool about it, and didn't even raise her voice once. She's been acting really weird lately, especially when she quit her job last week…

I walked up the stairs and made my way to my locker. Luckily, Carly, Sam, and Gibby and I all had lockers in the same row. I took my time as I walked up the short staircase wondering what Sam was going to do, or worse, what she would look like. Ever since I caught her she had been losing weight more rapidly; As if her body wanted to wait for someone else to know her secret before it really changed. Gee. Thanks for picking me.

I took her in as I got closer and had a good look of my three friends; she was wearing her usual: plaid black and white shorts and a dark gray shirt I'd once seen Carly wear. Her hair, blonde, thick, and long, was as curly as ever and hung over her shoulders; As if trying to swallow her up.

It wasn't easily seeable, but I knew what I was looking for so I saw it easily, she was slightly smaller than the last time I'd seen her. Her clothes hung on her body like they were two sizes too big, even though they'd fit fine a few months ago.

Like about **four** months ago.

"What are you staring at, Freddwedgie?" Sam said, announcing my arrival. She was looking at me, but avoiding my eyes. She turned toward her locker before I could reply, so I didn't. Carly and Gibby didn't seem to notice, still continuing on with their current conversation.

"Puh-lease! Mr. Crowe would kick Mr. Amenger's butt!" Carly said in argument to whatever Gibby had said before I got there.

"Mr. Crowe would pass out from Mr. Amenger's super awesome ninja powers!" Gibby said.

"For the last time: Mr. Amenger is NOT a ninja!" Carly replied, throwing her arms up and rolling her eyes.

"Yes he is" Gibby said turning to face her.

"No he is not" Carly put her hand on her hip.

"You know what Shay? You wanna go?" Gibby asked, pulling his shirt off expertly and holding his hands out as if she were about to attack him.

I watched their scene while gathering my books, trying to busy myself from talking to Sam. She was silent in her locker, probably texting or just bored from hearing this argument go on for so long. Her face was buried deep in her locker, like she was hiding from someone. Or avoiding someone.

Gibby and Carly didn't get to "go" because the warning bell rang then, sending all of us off our separate ways. This period I had AP Biology with Mrs. Derma. I didn't have to do much in this class because the teacher barely knew I was alive. She always managed to look right past me. She was older, probably around her mid forties or early fifties; she wore small glasses that rested on her nose and didn't really help her vision, and they just made her look older.

About halfway through the period, I raised my hand to answer a question, and she actually saw me.

"Freddie? Benson?" She asked, pushing her glasses up and squinting at me, like I'd just appeared out of thin air. "I didn't know you were here today! I marked you absent on the attendance list again." Her hand fluttered over her heart; just like it did every other day when she forgot I was here. "Oh here, can you go to the office and tell them… Better yet, I'll write a note. Come. Come here. Take this note to them so they'll know that you really are here." She said grabbing a pen and writing on the paper in front of her. I let her finish as I grabbed a hall pass and rolled my eyes at a few students who had snickered.

I walked the paper to the office, and as soon as I walked in Mrs. Embry, one of the office ladies, said, 

"She do it again, huh?" to which I nodded and made my way back out to the hall. I lingered in the hall, already bored with the lesson in science because I had read ahead again.

I took the long way back to class, down the long, north hallway. I was walking down the hall, when I heard something coming from the janitor's closet.

At first, I thought it was a couple kids fooling around; but then I heard a long, miserable sob. Someone was crying; the sound was miserable and heart-breaking. Who could be in such pain?

**Sam's POV**

I hate my first period class. Not only is the teacher a total dickwad, but he teaches the algebra class, ugh. Mr. Kiks is a dinosaur, probably been teacher here since it opened back in the 1800s. He spits when he walks and is constantly adjusting his tie.

I never really go to his class, and the school gave up trying to force me to go. So I usually spend first period wandering around the halls, sneaking into the school weight room, - which mostly football players used- and using this time to think, alone.

I didn't sleep well last night, getting about 10 hours of sleep' which, for me, wasn't very long. I kept waking up from nightmares; some with my Dad, and some with Freddie. I was slipping in and out of sleep from when I got home at seven, until I woke up at nine.

The nightmares were frightening, even to me. They were all eerily quiet and I'd be alone until someone (My father or Freddie) would come up and get in my face and say some hurtful things. I had been trying to block them out, forget, like I used to, but I just couldn't. My Father's face was imprinted in my brain, his eyes. His deep blue eyes that had seemed like an ocean; the type of eyes that you just couldn't look away from. The eyes that he had given me. But in my dream, they had stared at me with a… a hurt expression; an expression that made my heart swell up and explode right in my stomach. Why was he looking at me like that?

And then it hit me. The wave of grief that washes over me Everytime I admit to myself that he's gone; that I can never ask him the questions I desperately need to know; never go to another ball game, or hang out with him. The wave that makes me remembers that I have to grow up without a dad. No crazy father to make lame jokes, and pull out the baby pictures, and threaten every guy I brought home. No. None of that.

I didn't have much time. The closest bathroom was too far; I could feel my eyes watering and my chest starting to ache. _I have to hide. No one can see me like this. Samantha Puckett does not show weakness._ I desperately scanned the hall, some thing… Some place.

A janitor's closet. This school has, what, five janitors? And they should be drinking coffee in the teacher's lounge, waiting for lunch. I ran across the hall to the closet and cautiously opened the door, peering inside to make sure no one was there; my eyes were starting to blur and I finally confirmed that no one was there.

I disappeared inside and hoped that no one had seen me. I threw my stuff onto a small table and fell to the ground.

The wave of grief washed over me. I was drowning in it. Who knew how long I would be like this; I'm lost in it.

When I get like this, I'm as weak as I can be. I'm vulnerable and stupid, and I can't control myself. My shoulders shake and I soak myself in my tears. I hiccup and cough and sometimes, I scream. I stop for about a minute and do this 'hic, hic, hic" thing that caves my stomach in and bobs my head upside down. It's humiliating.

I was so deep under that at first; I didn't notice that I was no longer alone in the Pine-sol smelling room.

Freddie.

"Go… Away… Freddeek." I ordered, trying to recover as much of my dignity as I could.

He ignored me, and walked over to the wall I was leaning against as the tears streamed down my cheeks.

I didn't complain as he slipped his arms around me and wiped his sleeve across my face, clearly some of the damage and soaking his sleeve.

So we sat there; Silent, other than my very loud breakdown. It was weird and I knew that I should've denied. Denied, and Ran. I am Samantha Puckett. I don't show weakness; don't show feeling. I don't let anyone in close enough to hurt me. Even Carly doesn't know much about me and my feelings. As far as anyone's concerned, I'm a rock. A strong, heartless rock.

Somewhere, somehow, I had let Fredward Benson in. Maybe it was when he found me puking my guts out; or maybe it was when he came to my house that night. Or maybe, it was the fact that he hadn't run away. He had seen me in one of my darkest moments, and he stayed, He tried to _help. _And even now, as he tried to help me through yet _another_ dark moment.

I was secretly okay with letting him comfort me. He didn't say anything. Didn't say shiz like 'its okay', or 'things will get better', no; He just held me while I cried.


	7. Chapter 7

*Hello my lovely readers (: Thank you so much for the reviews! I want to thank Mari13ssa, mebelucy, and icecoffee18 for being steady reviewers, Thank you much (: I hope you like this one, it's in Sam's POV and I hope it's good because I'm trying to point out how different she is and not focus so much on her disease. Also, sorry for all the 'potty words'. Also, how do I make a page break! Help please! But anyway Imma shut up now. Enjoy! Make a great day – Ariel*

**Sam's POV**

_What a weird ass day._ I made my way to the bus stop to go home. _Freddie_…_ He just_… I don't even know what to think of what ever happened back in that closet.

After I'd calmed down enough to see people again, he'd walked me to the bathroom. He'd even faced public humiliation by going in there with me and helping me fix myself up. When I looked someone normal and was just waiting for the red face to go away, he'd reached out, touched my stomach, and then we left. He walked right out and I haven't seen him since. Well, except for lunch.

It was just so weird; I torture him on a daily basis and… Wait! When was the last time I hit him? .ham … I'm going soft! Hell no! Ugh. _Note to self: Punch the next nerd you see._

But anyway, I can't stop thinking about it. Why is he in my mind so much lately? _He needs to get out._ I told him I was fine and I didn't need 'help'. So shouldn't he just ignore me and go back to his Carly worshiping? Why does he have to be so weird and nerdy all the time?

The bus pulled up and I stepped on, giving the driver a dirty look when he pointed to the pay machine. I quickly walked to my usual seat in the middle and sat down; glaring at the kid next to me until he moved, and setting my bag in his place.

I pulled my DSi out and focused on playing Mario to try to distract my brain from thoughts about a certain 'incident' with a certain tech-boy.

When I glanced up and saw my stop ahead, I gathered my things and pulled the silver cord. The driver glared at me as I got off of the bus. His name is Herb. We do this every day.

As I walked to my house, I stepped on the brown leaves scattered across the sidewalk.

Fall. My favorite season. Pretty and colorful skies, cool weather, leaves, those stupid fucking mosquitoes are dying, it's amazing. I look up at the cloudless and purple-looking sky, seeing a few birds fly across the sky.

_OW!_ There it is; that pain that shoots across my stomach and chest when I'm hungry. I kneel down and clutch my chest as I wait for it to die down. I stay kneeled and pull a water bottle out of my bag; I down the whole thing in minutes and the pain starts to die a little bit, but it still hurts. I try to ignore it and get up and start walking to my house. When I get to the end of my street, the pain calms to only a throb in my stomach and I hear my stomach growl. I ignore it and walk to my yard.

_Something's wrong. _

I feel it in my gut, in my stomach. My palms start sweating and I struggle to keep up my nonchalant demeanor.

I walk onto the porch and take a few deep breaths, preparing for whatever I might find inside. I reach a shaky hand out to the knob, and open the door.

The house is dark; the only light coming from candles lit in various areas. The appearance of the house reminds me of a scary movie, and that worries me. I drop my bag near the door and wrap my arms around myself. It's a habit I've picked up, hugging myself; it makes me feel safer and loved. I'm still standing in the entryway, so I walk into the kitchen and start getting a glass of water.

"Where the _hell_ have you been?" I heard my mother hiss from somewhere in the dark room. She's drunk again. I can hear it in her voice. I quickly spin around, too fast; the glass drops from my hand and hits the tile, breaking into a million pieces.

"Look what you did now!" She screams and then appears in front of me. I bend down to clean up the glass but she yanks me back up. Her hand squeezing my shoulder and holding me right in her face.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" She asked, so close I could smell the alcohol on her breath.

"It's… just a glass, I'll clean it up," I say slowly, preventing any cracks in my voice, trying to keep my dignity. She shakes her head and pushes me, letting go of my shoulder so I fall against the counter.

"Not that _fucking_ glass! Why didn't you pay the electrical bill?" She demanded. I look at her, what the _hell_?

"Well, mother," I bite out the word as if it were poison, "That's _your_ job. YOU didn't pay the bills so the electric company shut the power off. Good job" I said sarcastically, standing myself up straight and crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Everything I do for you! You can't pay one _fucking_ bill? You're such an ungrateful little brat!" She yells and I just shake my head. I could feel the anger flushing through me, she asked for it.

"WHAT? You don't do shit for me! You're drunk half the time, and the other half, you're sleeping with every guy you see! I don't _need_ this! I _need_ a mother. And you're doing a shitty job of being one. Get off of your fucking high horse and look around!" I motion to the dark house, "This is your life! Not that glamorous, rich shit you see on TV and somehow convince yourself is yours. Just because you didn't pay the bills doesn't mean that you can pull this shit on me! _Fuck off_!" I yell, clenching my teeth and feeling my fists shake.

She steps back, shocked. Good. I could tell her a lot more about herself, but I don't want to waste my breath. What kind of mother is she?

She squints her eyes and glares at me.

Then, before I can see it coming, she reaches her hand out and slaps it across my face. Her aim is bad since she's so wasted, but she still manages to get most of my cheek. It hurts and I know it's going to redden.

"Don't talk to _me_ like that!" She screams and I wonder what the hell our neighbors are doing that they can't hear us.

I unfold my hands and raise one up to my cheek,

"Don't touch me!" I scream even louder than she did. I pushed her, hard, and as she hit the counter and struggled to get up, I ran to the door, grabbed my bag. Then I ran to my room and locked the door.

I grabbed my duffel bag out of my closet and began shoving stuff in there, and once I had clothes and all that crap, I shoved my bag in there and snatched my phone charger out of the socket.

She was banging and clawing on the door the whole time. I looked around my room to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything and ran to my window. I pushed it up and turned around to look once more at the door.

I climbed out and ran to the front yard. I heard her yelling when she finally got the door open and found me gone. I started down the street, hoisting my duffel onto my back, and looking straight ahead. When I got to the corner I could still hear her.

'Bitch!', I heard her yell as I turned the corner and headed for the bus stop.

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***separate* ****{Once again, sorry for the bad language.}**

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By the time I got to Bushwell Plaza, I was exhausted. Even though it was probably only like Nine o'clock, I was freaking tired. My cheek still felt sore and it was probably red or pinkish by now; my hair was tangled and messy from running to the bus a block away, when it pulled up. But other than that, I looked okay.

I made my way up to the Shay apartment. I picked the lock and let myself into the dark apartment.

"Spencer! Carles! Anyone here?" I called out. The apartment remained dark and silent. _Crap_. I checked Carly and Spencer's bedroom and looked around, but I guess neither of them was home.

I sighed to myself and headed out of their apartment. I made sure to lock the door behind me and stood in the hallway.

_Should I really do this?_ I started pacing back and forth. _I could just hang at the Shay's until they get home… Well his mom isn't home... And I really don't want to be alone… Besides I have to talk to him about today… _

I threw my hands up in frustration and walked over to Freddloser's door. I picked the lock and carefully opened the door. His living room was empty and the house was dark. I looked over toward his bedroom door and saw light shining from at the bottom. I shut the door and locked it, then went into the kitchen and helped myself to one of the 'chemical free' water bottles in the fridge. I walked closer to the door and could hear voices. _What? Is he talking to his mom?_ I pressed my ear to the door and took a sip of my water.

"Maybe I should call her… I mean… just to ask her what she was so upset about… No, she'll probably call me a dick lord or a fuckface or an ass clown or something… _*sigh*_…. No, I have to call… Or maybe… Ugh." I listened to Freddie's little argument with himself. _So his mom _is_ at work_. I smiled to myself and quietly pushed his door open.

"You forgot shitsack… Oh, I also like dick tickler… Oh! Pansy-faced-nark is also a favorite of mine!" I said, watching the shock flash across his face. I laughed and took a seat in his computer chair. He was sitting on his bed with his legs hanging off of the edge.

I looked around his room, I had been in here before, but it looked kind of different. Well, for starters, he had talked his mom into letting him get rid of his lame wallpaper and he'd hung up a few pictures- mostly of me, Carly, and him; but some with Gibby or the dork-club- and he moved his bed over next to the wall across from the window.

"Hey, where'd you get this picture?" I asked him, pointing to one of me on the wall behind him. He, Carly, and Gibby were eating at lunch and I was sitting there with a tray full of untouched food. This was taken today, I looked distant and distracted. It was a pretty good picture though. My hair framed my face nicely, my lips looked pink and pouty, my skin actually didn't look so pale, and I was staring at the camera with a blank expression, it looked like I wasn't even looking at the camera, like I was staring right through it.

He didn't turn around to see what I was talking about, he just stared at me.

"Sam… your… your cheek… What happened?" He asked cautiously, holding his hand up as if to touch it, even though I was on the other side of the room. I shrugged and walked over and sat next to him on the bed.

"I'll... tell you later. I left home. Can I sleep here? Just tonight?" I asked him, avoiding his eyes. He was quick to respond,

"Yea, yea, just… what happened?" He asked ounce again. I stood up and walked over to his dresser. I opened it and grabbed a pair of his shorts and a t-shirt, deciding to sleep in them since I hadn't packed pajamas.

I held up my finger in a _'one minute'_ type of way and headed to the bathroom attached to his room to change. I slipped into his clothes and looked in the mirror. I adjusted the drawstring on the shorts and smoothed the shirt out. I raked my fingers through my hair to untangle it and then walked back to his room.

He was watching me curiously as I climbed onto his bed and settled into the corner. I grabbed a pillow and put it behind my back and pulled my knees up to my chest.

He got up and locked the door without saying anything and then sat back down on the bed and turned toward me, pulling his legs onto the bed and resting his back against the headboard. He waited for me to explain.

So I did. I told him everything: My dad, my eating problems, my dreams, my breakdowns, my mom, _Everything_.

I didn't know I could talk that much and I didn't plan on telling him all of that. But when I started, I couldn't stop; the words flowed out of me like a waterfall.

He let me speak, didn't interrupt, just nodded his head and watched me the whole time. It felt nice to finally tell someone the truth, talk about how _I _feel.

Back at home, the glass was probably still scattered all over the floor, like me. I'd broken just like the glass. A broken person is like broken glass, you can hurt yourself trying to fix it, or just leave it broken. I'd broken into a million pieces just like the glass, but even though the glass was ignored, I wasn't.

I'd spent so long just waiting for someone to try to glue me back together; I'd even tried myself, but I'd only managed to break myself even more. But Freddie, he's here. And he cares. He's willing to take the risk. The guy who I've been torturing for years, the guy that has every reason to hate me, is the only one who listened.


	8. Chapter 8

* Hello all! This one's going to be a little weird and shorter and it'll seem incomplete but, it is. I didn't want to describe the whole iCarly episode, I might in the next chapter but I basically just wanted to get the ideas out there. Anyway, enjoy :) Review (: Make a great day – Ariel *

Sam awoke the next morning earlier than usual. She wearily opened her eyes and looked around her. _The hell am I? _She wondered as she rubbed her eyes but avoided having to sit up.

She looked at the sheets on the bed she was laying in and looked around the room.

_Freddie. _

Yesterday's events flooded back through her mind and Sam remembered why, and how, she had ended up waking up in Fredward Benson's bed.

She closed her eyes and tried to fall back asleep, but the door to Freddie's bathroom opened. Freddie walked out of his bathroom shirtless, as in, wearing only a pair of jeans. He had white earphones stuck in his ear so he didn't hear Sam's gasp.

_The HELL! When did Fredweiner get so... Buff? Ab-like? _Sam tried to think of a way to desribe how muscular and strong Freddie looked. Even thought she could only see his back, she knew. _Has he been working out? EW! Why was I not notified of this change to his figure? _

_Damn. I need a man with a piece of _that!_ I mean, DAMN. _Sam grinned in approval as she followed the cord to his earphones down to his front pocket. She bit her lip, _Wait, why am I even _looking _at Fredgeek? _

She was still looking, but trying very hard not to stare, when he turned around. Sam's eyes widened as she took in his torso and abs. He was at a _very _nice point with it; As to where there is plenty of muscle, but not too much to make him look like one of those awkward infomercial dudes. There was also just little enough to make him very warm and soft, and comfortable as he slept.

His eyes also widened and he stood there, dumbfounded. When he finally re-entered reality, he smirked as Sam took him in. _Morning and Night workouts really _did _help. _He nodded to himself but kept up his smirk at Sam.

"See somethin' ya like, Puckett?" He teased, smirking.

She glared and sat up. _Well this is way past embarassing. This is just wrong; I'd be okay getting caught staring at a football player or something but... Freddalupa? Hell no. _

"No. You just have something on your face," She defended herself, holding her chin up a little bit higher.

_Psh, Yeah right. So whatever's on my face caused you to drool like that? _He thought, shaking his head and smiling.

"Really? What is it?" He challenged. She was quick to reply,

"A pillow," And she hurled a pillow at his face. He retaliated quickly, picking up the pillow and throwing it back at her.

She started to throw it again, but he blocked her by going over to his bed to grab another pillow. (He sleeps with A LOT of pillows.)

Within minutes, they were both sitting on the bed, pummeling each other with pillows. They were having fun, laughing and smiling and all happy. Sam's problems were forgotten for the moment.

Sam had all the pillows on her side and Freddie had to think of a quick way to get her. He reached over and started tickling her all over her sides and stomachs; he knew that was her tickle spot. She threw the pillow across the room and fell back, laughing so hard it hurt.

Sam's sides and stomach were very bony and Freddie was shocked that they were still ticklish since it practically skin and bones. He continued tickling her though, enjoying her happiness for the moment.

_I never realized how much she stopped laughing. I almost forgot how her laugh sounded. _Freddie thought, listening to her laugh; the bell sound and noting the way she sounded happier than she's been in quite a while. _Is it me? Or just the tickle spot?_ Freddie wondered, smiling wider for no apparent reason.

In their current posistion, Freddie is leaning over her, tickling her as she laughed slapped at his arms, but didn't put up much of a struggle.

She kicked one of his legs and he fell on top of her. Their heads were so close; their lips only inches apart. Freddie looked into her eyes; _those blue eyes, just like the ocean. It's like I'm swimming in them... _He unknowingly leaned down a little bit, caught in her spell. He looked at her face; her blonde curls lay all around her, a few strays peaking out and some falling in her face. Her lips looked impossibly pink and soft, and _moist_. It was like they were pulling him in, _kiss me, kiss me, _they screamed. He pulled his hand out from underneath his stomach and pushed some of the stray hair out of her face.

Her skin tingled where his hand had made contact with her face. She was brought back to the memory of those same hands touching her stomach; the heat and tingle they leave on her skin.

And just like that, her walls have fallen. They haven't went all the way down, but far enough to lean toward him, their lips almost touching...

And then his phone rings, and her walls fly right back up. He sighs and gets off of her. She stays frozen. _Did... Did that just happen? Did I just almost _kiss_ Freddweirdo?... _Sam thinks. She can't move, so she watches.

Watches as he slowly gets off of the bed and walks over to his desk, checking the caller ID before pressing the button and holding the phone up to his ear.

"Hello." He asks. There is a silence as the person on the other side of the line replies.

"Yeah, I can go er... find, her." He glances at Sam and her frozen, and unsure, posistion. He walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving hers. His chocolatey and warm eyes, trying to push past her hard, guarded, blue as the ocean, eyes. The person replies.

"Yeah, okay... two hours. Okay" They reply.

"Okay see you then, Bye." He presses the red button withtout looking away from her eyes. They sit in silence for a while. She then realizes that he could sit like this all day, and she has a feeling she could too. SO she breaks the silence.

"What was that about?" She asks, looking away from his gaze and picking at a loose piece of thread sticking out of the blanket underneath her.

"That was Carly," He says slowly, she can see him watching her out of the corner of her eye, "She wants to do an iCarly dress rehearsal in..." He glances at his bedside alarm clock, "One hour and Fifty-Three minutes."

She is silent, pretending to be 'very interested' in picking the little thread off of the blanket.

He rises from the bed, and walks over to his bathroom door. He disappears inside and Sam waits for him to return again. She absently picks at the thread, letting her mind wander. She thinks about iCarly, they'll only be able to do it for a little while longer, they're already seventeen and Carly and Freddie plan on going to college. Sam hasn't decided what to do after high school yet, Freddie and Carly say she should hurry and bring her grades up, do good on the SATs and go to college. Sam wants to have a cool job though, like a spacewoman or a wrestler, or maybe a racecar driver... She just doesn't want to do some pussy-whipped job like a 'teacher' or a 'baker' or some shit like that.

She's still thinking about iCarly and the future, when Freddie walks back into the room. He is holding a large towel, a small towel, and her favorite shampoo.

She looks at the items, then goes back to concentrating on the thread.

He speaks, "You can shower in here, I'll go to my mom's bathroom. She's working overtime this week so she won't be home for a while. There's soap and all that already in there. Don't forget your bag." He waits for her to reply, she's silent for a few minutes.

"Uhm.. Okay... Yeah, thanks..." She says, not looking up. He looks at her for a few minutes, then reaches over, and with a simple tug, pulls the thread out and tosses it onto his pillow. He smirks and then grabs her bag, tossing it on the bed near her.

"See you in a little while," And then he walks out the door.

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After they are both clean, Freddie leads her to the kitchen.

"So..." He trails off, not looking her in the eye.

"No," She stated, before he could even ask.

He held his hand up, "But-"

"I'm _not_ hungry." She interrrupted, clenching her teeth. He sighs, wanting so bad to see her eat again; and not that fake eating she does for Carly and everyone else; he wants to see her eyes light up when she tries something new, or her smile when she tastes something she likes. He never thought he would miss that, of all things... _I miss the old Sam. _He thinks to himself. Then tries to talk to her again.

"Sam... Do you remember everything you told me last night? About your Dad, and your Mom, and meat and all of that?" He asked cautiously, watching for her reaction.

All she did was nod, one short and final nod.

"Well, I... I just feel... Um... I feel like I understand you a little bit better and I understand how you feel about everyone loving Carly and your dad... Passing... and your mom's drinking and all of that," He cleared his throat, "And I.. I just wanted to umm... Just umm..." He stammered, trying to find a way to phrase it.

"Oh, just spit it out, dick lord." She said, growing impatient. He looked down at his fingers, pretending to pop one of them, and tried to gather his thoughts. He finally looked up at her and she ws staring at him expectedly.

"I just... I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you. If you... you need anything. I just want to be your friend. If you would let me. Truce. And you can stay here as long as you need. Just don't bother my mom, I'll lock my door and I'll move the mini fridge into my room and put water bottles in it. And I won't tell anyone... any of it... Just... I just want to help. And if you won't let me help you heal, then at least do this for me. Stay. And I'll let you watch the TV in my room too and I won't change it..." He rambled, watching her to see if she agrees.

"Whoa, whoa, Dude, take a breath!" She held her hands up and tried not to smile. "Yeah, yeah, I'll stay. Uh.. Thanks i guess... and I'm sor- SO UMM, how much longer until we go to Carly's?" She asked quickly, avoiding his eyes and looking at the counter top.

"Um, we can go over there in a little while if you want. We still have a good hour until we have to though." He told her, noting how she wouldn't look at him. They're silent for a moment. Her stomach grumbles, but she doesn't seem to notice it.

"Sam..." She looks at him, her chin up and her lips in a straight and firm line. _At least she looked at me. _He thought optimistically. He walked over to the cupboard and pulled out a box of Fat Cakes he kept for Sam related situations.

She swallowed, narrowed her eyes, and held her breath. She then walked over to the fridge and pulled out a water bottle, quickly closing it before a scent crawled into her nose. She stood at the counter across from Freddie, unscrewed the top off of her water bottle, and took a long, hearty drink.

"Like I said, not hungry. Imma go see what's on TV," and with that, she walked into the living room.

He watched her go, then grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and follow her; shaking his head and wondering how he'd allowed this to happen. How they'd all just sat back and didn't even notice what she was doing to herself. She's so _small_.

He was always thinking about this, blaming himself, wondering about others. Carly, I mean didn't Sam used to borrow clothes from her all the time? How did she not notice? I thought they were Best Friends? He constantly asked himself questions like these all the time.

As he lay in bed at night, kept up by thoughts like these, visions of how small she is and how she was starting to look more and more like the girl in his dream.

She was looking more and more like death.


	9. Chapter 9

{ Hello! So this was going to be one HUGE chapter, I mean It was nine pages! But I tried to cut it in half so you might be angry about the ending note, but the next chapter will be posted within ten minutes so I tried to make it up to you (: Also, IMPORTANT QUESTION: Now I know I'm such a horrible person for even _thinking _this... But I have this great story idea but this and i'M not the one are lasting for quite a while longer and I'm so excited for the story idea I have... Should I post it and work on all three stories? Btw: Yes. It is a Seddie story also... Haha, so I'm sorry this one took so long. I actually went to Washington DC last week with my school, so I was pretty busy, I just got back yesterday. I had no computer and no internet there anyway. Also: For any of you who noticed; yes I did say his mother quit her job and then two chapters later I said she was at work. Well, she did _not_ quit her job. And I _will_ fix that later. I'm putting this note at the beginning of the next chapter too btw. And here's the link to my tumblr for my Fanfiction channel: .com/ Anyway, make a Great day! Much love – Ariel }

**Freddie POV**

During iCarly, Sam got a pain in her leg; it was either a Charley Horse or a muscle spasm. She wouldn't let me look at it or make suggestions or anything. She told Carly to have Spencer sub for her and then disappeared downstairs.

"SHIT! Ow!" Sam had yelled, minutes before we were ready to start. Carly and I stared at her as she kneeled over and grabbed at her right leg in pain.

We rushed over to her side and Carly put her hand on her shoulder,

"Sam! Are you okay?" She cried, her eyes widening. Sam looked up and clenched her teeth, a clearly uncomfortable look on her face.

"AH! Ah!... It's just a muscle spasm. I'm fine," She reassured. I just stared at her. Shit. Carly, on the other hand, was in pre freak out.

Sam could tell Carly was about to go crazy, so she lifted her chin and stood, standing on only her left leg, keeping her right a little bit in the air to avoid putting pressure on it.

"I'm FINE." She said, putting her hands on Carly's shoulders and looking her in the eyes. "I just need to go sit for a while. Have Spencer fill in for tonight. Tell him I said Thanks." She said, and started for the elevator before Carly could say anything else. I ran to help her into the elevator and rode with her, deciding to help her to the couch.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, looking at her.

She looked straight ahead, not turning, and replied, "Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing new."

"How often?" I asked, anticipating how much pain her disease really causes.

She wouldn't say anything, but judging by her reaction to the spasm, I knew that she got these often; it's most likely from a lack of the nutrients and proteins and all that she needs but itsn't getting.

She can pass it off all she wants, as just a Charley Horse, or maybe even PMS cramps, but she knows I don't believe it. If she doesn't start getting electrolytes and minerals and Vitamin C and Proteins and Nutrients and Fat then eventually, her legs will become so weak, they might collapse under her. She might lose energy, she might faint, all kinds of affects of her disease and she seems to be able to just ignore them.

The monster inside of her, Anorexia, is eating her alive. It's killing her day by day; minute by minute; skipped meal by skipped meal.

I don't know what to do anymore. She's falling, drowning; but she won't let me save her.

I might have to admit it, Maybe there's no hope, and it's too late for me to help her.

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**Four Days Later (Still Freddie's POV)**

Sam's been having muscle spasms for the past two days.

She's been awaken painfully by a Charly Horse in the leg both nights, it woke me too because even though she says it doesn't hurt, I know she's in pain. She's pretty much been lying in bed for two days, watching TV and drinking water. It hurts for her to walk so I decided to spend those two days looking after her and studying for my upcoming Spanish test.

I was saying the words to myself as I ran over the list and Sam was watching TV. My mom, weird, isn't home. She's been gone a lot lately. Doing something or seeing someone or some other stuff that she won't talk about. She's never been so distant or careless. Even when I was little, she didn't let me learn to talk until I was around two and she made me wear anti-bacterial diapers. She was constantly rubbing rash creams on me even when I didn't have any rashes. So her not being like this now is really starting to worry me. Sam and I ate the lasagna she made yesterday and it was made with _real_ cheese products. I almost choked I was so shocked.

But anyway, I was saying the words to myself, memorizing them, and Sam was watching wrestling or cartoons or something like that.

"Cállate nerd!" She yelled at me, not even looking up from the TV.

Wait _what!_

"Sam..." I said slowly, looking at her as she lay on my bed, looking so Sam-like and lazy. "Since when do you speak Spanish?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and giving her a face.

She rolled her eyes, "There's always this homeless mexican dude on the bus yelling at people in Spanish. His name is Hector and sometimes he teaches me things." She said simply, shrugging her shoulders and keeping her eyes on the screen, reaching over and taking a gulp of her water.

I just sat there, watching her. It's amazing how she never ceases to amaze me.

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{seperate}

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Back to reality. Later on the fourth day, after Sam and I had convinced Carly that Sam was 'just fine', Carly suggested we all go swimming at the Y. It was too cold out to go to the neighborhood outdoor swimming so many high schoolers frequented the pool at the YMCA. All three of us had memberships; Spencer had gotten us each one so we could do skits there for iCarly.

I could see Sam hesitate.

It was the first time I would see her whole body after I had found out what she did to it.

I never realized how insecure Sam really is until I saw the way she looked down at her body when she thought Csrly and I were going to get a few drinks. She had looked down at her bony legs as if they were bigger than her head; frowning to her self and absent mindedly moving her hand to touch it. She was about to continue and do the same with her arms when Carly and I reappeared with her drink.

While Carly wasn't looking, I'd poured Sam flavored water instead of absolutely adored flavored water, _and _it had no calories; which she would always point out whenever I said anything.

When she hesitated to take a drink, I nodded at her in encouragement, and she took a sip, smiling a little when she realized what I had given her.

_Why am I doing this?_

_I'm a horrible person._

"I'm going to go put my swimming suit on. Sam, we can stop by your house and you can get yours right?" Carly asked, looking at Sam. Sam eyes widened a little, and I could almost see the panic on her face.

"Actually-" She started but I cut her off.

"Actually, how about I run her to her house while you go change? It'll save us time and we can come back and pick you up." I suggested, once again feeling that strange protective urge I get for Sam.

It's like I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I don't want anyone to hurt her. Like when I found her in the janitor's closet that one time; One minute; I had been walking in on the strongest person I know absolutely falling apart; and as I watched her, I got this weird feeling all over my body. My back had straightened and my ears had become alert and I had had a sudden urge to wrap my arms her. And I did.

So once again, I acted. This time though, just coming up with a way as to where Sam wouldn't have to explain that she hadn't seen home _or _her mom in days.

"Oh. Well okay. I'll meet you two here when you're done. Hurry!" Carly shrugged, hardly bothered, and hardly noticing how tense Sam and I had both gotten.

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{seperate}

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I've been trying to forget. I really have. I mean, It's hard to forget. Especially when I remember every time I look at her lips.

Neither Sam or I have chosen to acknowledge what happened the other day. I mean it's been what, three, four days? Hardly any time at all. So you can't blame a guy for thinking about it once or twice.

Each minute.

Okay I'm not going to lie. I _can't_stop thinking about it. The way her lips looked pink and moist. The way her bony hips felt safe and secure in _my_ arms.

So for the past four days, I've let myself think about it. I know that if she knew I was thinking about it, then she would probably kill me. Literally.

I've watched her lay on my bed, pink lips, golden hair (which smells really nice actually).

Now, I don't know _why_ I'm thinking about it. _Why_ I won't let myself forget. All I know, is that... Well, I don't know anything.

Not when it comes to her at least. She always surprises me.

Even the way she sleeps. The way she lays on her sides as she sleeps, and when she's really tired, she sleeps on her stomach. She's so peaceful while she sleeps. As I lay in bed beside her, I can't help but let myself pretend this was real.

Let myself pretend that Sam was just like any other girl. A girl who would like me; and call me cute and embarassing pet names; a girl who would kiss my cheek; a girl who accepts me. Like so many other girls don't.

So really it's easy for me to pretend. Then though, I would realize that she doesn't like me; and she's not that kind of girl. A wave of loneliness would crash over me, sometimes making me literally shiver.

And it was like she felt it, or _sensed_ it. Because right when that time came, each time, she would roll over. Onto me. Sometimes, her face would be buried in my chest; and sometimes, her back would lay on me. But no matter how, she was touching me, comforting me while I'm lonely. Even if she doesn't know it.

It's strange how someone so small can be so... comforting. Even though her skin is usually very cold, it doesn't feel cold then, while she was comforting me.

Ugh.

I was thinking about all of this as I drove my mother's car to the YMCA. Sam was in the front seat and Carly was in the back. I was shocked when Sam didn't run out to the car and hop in the back seat so she could take a nap or put her feet up or whatever. A while ago, whenever all three of us would go somewhere, that's what Sam would do and Carly would just sit in front and smile and shake her head. Ever since she began living with me, Sam would sit in the front seat and put the seat all the way back – which didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.

As we sat at a stop light, a few blocks away, I glanced over at Sam. She was sitting with her seat all the way back, her face turned toward Carly as she listened to her talk about some cute guy she'd talked to the other day (Oddly, I didn't cringe when I heard that). Carly looked up at the red light, realizing I had stopped for it. Which made Sam realize we were no longer moving, so she looked up at me, staring right at her.

Usually if she caught staring at her for _any_ reason, she would slap me or kick me or hit me with something; but she didn't this time. She looked me right in the eyes, and the sides of her mouth turned up in a small smile. A smile that other people might not have seen. But I did.

"Freddie. The light's green!" Carly jerked me back to reality as I looked back up at the road and drove the few streets to the YMCA parking lot.

Since we had our suits on underneath our clothes, it wouldn't take as long to get out to the pool. Sam offered to take Carly's bag to the locker room for her because she had to 'fix her hair'. She told her to go ahead and get in, then nodded at me.

I was silent as Carly agreed and headed off. I gave Sam an encouraging look but she ignored it and followed Carly into the women's locker room.

As I grabbed my towel and locked my gym bag in one of the lockers, I tried not to think.

Sam and I both know that she didn't **just** want to check her hair. She wanted to check her body, to squeeze the areas with even the smallest bit of fat and then frown at herself and make sure she looked as perfect as she thought she needed to look.

I tried not to think about that; tried not to picture it. I headed out of the door to the pool and joined Carly in the shallow end.

We started swimming around and started heading for the deeper end.

"This is nice," Carly commented, floating on her back with her eyes closed.

"Mmm hmm." I replied absently, looking toward the ladies locker room door again.

I didn't realize I was staring at it until I felt a wave of water come down over my head.

Carly splashed me.

"Hey!" I yelled, smiling and splashing her back right in the face. It soon escalated into an all out splash fight.

And then I saw her.


	10. Chapter 10

Also, IMPORTANT QUESTION: Now I know I'm such a horrible person for even _thinking _this... But I have this great story idea but this and i'M not the one are lasting for quite a while longer and I'm so excited for the story idea I have... Should I post it and work on all three stories? Btw: Yes. It is a Seddie story also... Haha, so I'm sorry this one took so long. I actually went to Washington DC last week with my school, so I was pretty busy, I just got back yesterday. I had no computer and no internet there anyway. Also: For any of you who noticed; yes I did say his mother quit her job and then two chapters later I said she was at work. Well, she did _not_ quit her job. And I _will_ fix that later.

**Freddie POV**

Carly and I had been laughing and I had been looking around, still glancing at the locker room door every few minutes. I had looked over in that general direction and Sam was standing there. Staring at us.

Staring at me.

She had a sad and distant expression on her face. But when she saw me look, it was quickly replaced with a blank expression.

She was holding her towel and it was off to the side. I got a pretty good look at her body from the angle I was at.

She was wearing a blue and green bikini with stars and words all over; matching Carly's yellow and pink one.

She was so bony. I mean, and jeez, I've soon football players with bigger boobs... Oh that was mean. At least _she_ didn't hear that. She may be small but she already proved that she can still kick my ass.

Anyway, her arms and legs were like toothpicks; it was like the smallest amount of pressure and they would just snap into peices. Her chest was almost flat, and her stomach caved in; like it was eating itself from the inside.

_So small._

I felt my heart drop to my stomach and I got this warm, sickly feeling in my stomach. I didn't know if I was going to throw up, or faint.

She made a point to ignore me and, instead, turned her attention to Carly, who was smiling and waving her over.

"Hey Sam! Over here!" Carly yelled, giggling like only she can. So clueless.

As Sam walked over, i was amazed that such a small body could move with such force. She threw her towel into a chair near ours and walked over to the side of the pool we were on.

My throat felt dry and started to hurt and I was afraid I might cry.

Oh. My. Skinny.

She looked even smaller up close. She sat on the edge and started to ease herself in.

Wow, when she bent over to sit down, her stomach didn't even fold like everyone elses.

No fat rolls. No meat on her stomach. Just Skin and Bones.

"Wow, Sam. You're _so _skinny!" Carly gasped, looking at Sam's frail body. I saw Sam freeze, in anticipation of Carly's realization. "I need to work out more..." Carly smiled and put her hand on her stomach.

Carly is a skinny girl too, but she was one of those skinny and normal girls; the girls who are the normal skinny types, with fat and meat on their stomachs and wide thighs.

But if she stood next to Sam... I don't even _want_ to imagine.

Sam thought over what Carly said, and then decided she was safe, she laughed emotionlessly and eased herself all the way in.

A few months ago she would have ran out and jumped in. I hope Carly doesn't notice the difference.

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{seperate}

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I tried to enjoy the rest of our time at the Y, but I just couldn't shake that ache in my stomach and chest.

When Sam and I had gotten home, she'd hung out at Carly's for a few hours so Carly wouldn't get suspicious as to why I didn't drop Sam off at her house immediately. While Sam was at Carly's, I showered and ate dinner. My mom was already at work so it would be easier for Sam to get in later.

I was finished with my food and my shower before Sam got home. While I was waiting for her, I decided to finish up my calculus and science homework.

I had finished calculus and had two more science problems to finish when I heard the front door open.

"Taking a shower!" I heard Sam yell. She didn't even come in to say she was here, or at least check and see if _I _was here. I put my pencil and book on my desk and turned to face my bedroom door, as if that would make her hear me better.

"Sam!" I yelled back, but she ignored me. I heard her close the bathroom door; not slamming it, but closing it loud enough that I could hear it. There were two doors to my bathroom so she was able to go in without walking through here.

Since it was my bathroom and my mom didn't use it, Sam kept her bathroom stuff and pajamas (aka my shorts and my t-shirt – though they did look good on her) in the linen closet in there. Ever since she began living here, my bathroom became a lot more girlier. She keeps a blowdryer and tampons (bleh!) underneath the sink, along with girly lotions and creams that have weird names. The sink is always clean and the toilet seat is always down. This is why my mom and I have seperate bathrooms.

Anyway, I could tell she wasn't very happy, I just didn't know who with.

I heard the shower turn on, so I turned around to finish my homework back up. I knew whenever Sam had a bad day, she took extra long showers.

I never realized how much of a girl Sam is.

After I finished my homework, I knew I still had a while, so I decided to look over some memories.

I keep a photo album of special moments and people in my life.

I know, I know. But it's a lot cooler than you think. And manly. Yeah, manly.

I had to hide it from my mom and anyone else who went into my room. So I decided to keep it simple and easy and just took the cover off of one of my books and put it around my photo album.

My mothe has plenty of photo albums for me. _**Plenty. **_But this one is mine. Something that I didn't have to share with my mom. I know it sounds bad, but with such a protective sense of authority, I just needed something for me.

I pulled the album off of my book shelf, walked over to my desk and sat down. The front cover is simple; plain black, not even any words.

The first page is a picture of me. Well it _is_ my book. The second page has two pictures; one of me, Sam, and Carly; and one of me, Sam, Carly, and Gibby. The rest of the book is filled with plenty of pictures that include Carly, Sam, and I. There are some with Gibby, Spencer, Principal Franklin, Melanie (who really _does_ exist...), Reuben, and some of my other friends. My favorite picture though, the one I flipped right to without looking at the other ones, is actually one of me and Sam.

I know. I know. If she knew that, or even saw me looking at this, she would beat the nerd out of me' but It's a nice picture. It describes a lot.

The picture was taken by Carly, who found our predicament then, 'absolutely hilarious'. It was taken about five or six months ago, not long before Sam became...

Anyway, in the picture, Sam and I are on swings at one of the nearby parks. She's in the swing next to me and she's pulling my swing toward hers. Actually, she was threatening me; but in the picture, it showed both of us laughing because her threat had somehow turned into Gibby being chased by a pig while he's wearing a bikini. How it got there, neither of us even knows.

But, all in all, it's a great picture; and Sam looks geniunely happy. Happier than she would look in three months...

I hear the shower turn off and I look at the bathroom door behind me. I quickly close the book and slip it back onto the bookshelf.

"Sam!" I yell again, but she continues to ignore me. I stand up and walk toward the bathroom door, getting ready to knock, but then realizing that she probably isn't dressed yet. I'm getting ready to go sit and just wait – she can't avoid me forever right? - when I hear her voice.

"Ugh." I hear her say. My eyebrows furrow as I lean closer to the door to listen. I cup my hand around my ear and I'm surprised when it works.

"You disgust me." She says. And I'm shocked at first, because I thought she was talking to me.

"You're _so_ ugly. You're a fat peice of shit." She says. I'm starting to get a feeling she isn't talking to me...

"No one likes you. Not even your own family." Oh please let her be talking to me...

"That's why Daddy let himself die. He let them shoot him so he could get away from _you_." Sam...

"You fucking loser. You're ugly. You're not pretty like Carly and Melanie and all of the other girls out there. You're a shame to your gender and yourself." She finishes, and I hear the sink water come on.

I stumble back onto my bed. No. No. No, no, no. Sam... She just... She can't... I just... Can't believe that's what she thinks... I mean, she told me her dad was dead and all... but how could she blame herself?

And I mean, she's fucking beautiful. And I mean it.

She walks out then. Wearing my lose and baggy shorts and shirt, she looked even more stunning than usual. With the baggy clothes, she didn't look as small, and her hair fell lose and tumbled down over her shoudlers. Her lips looked pink and moist, like they always do; and her skin looks great because of such a long shower.

And she smells great too. Her body and her hair. As she walks over to the bed and lays down I get a whif of her hair because it sways while she walks. It smells fruity and delicious...

She lays down without saying a word and I decide not to bother her until the morning.

She fell asleep quickly, even though the light was still on. I got up and turned it off, then walked back over to the bed and laid down beside her. I watched her as she sleep for a while, thinking about what I just heard.

I love the way she looks as she sleeps, so innocent and beautiful. Her hair falling softly off to the sides of her face, and her lips sticking out, pouty and cute. Her eyes closed softly, as if they would flutter open any minute.

She slept on her back this time, which was odd, but I enjoyed being able to look at her.

I thought back to the things she'd said to herself, calling herself ugly and saying no one likes her.

Oh how wrong she is. Since she was asleep, I leaned over her and watched her face closely for a minute. Then I leaned down and kissed her forehead,

"Oh Sam. If you only knew how beautiful you really are."


	11. Chapter 11

***Aaaww (: I love you all! You're the best readers ever! All of your positive reviews and encouragement have made me want to finish this chapter ASAP. This one is going to be Sam's memory of the first time she threw up/stopped eating. I hope you like it and aren't extremely disappointed. Don't worry, there's much more to come (: Make a great day – Ariel (:** *

"Hey Sammie, are you feeling okay?" Melanie asked as Sam sat at the kitched counter, eating a huge plate of bacon, ham, eggs, sausage, grits, and orange juice to top it off. The Ultimate Breakfast.

It's been about seven or eight months since Sam's father died. It's been hard, and she still isn't over it. But today, today was going to be hard. Sam had skipped the funeral but she figured that would have been hard too. But this, she _must_ attend. This would be the first game baseball game she had attended since her father's death.

Death can do a lot to people. It can open new doors, and ensure happiness and easy recovery. Or it can make your life fall apart and hurt you and hurt you until your down on your hands and knees. It's just how you deal with it that matters.

Sam had just dealt with it the best way she could. She didn't tell _anyone_ and she threatened Melanie and forced her not to tell anyone either. She never cried in front of anyone and she pretended she pretended not to care about anything. She took her anger and agression out on other people, particularly Freddie, and she never talked about her feelings.

It wasn't that she was ashamed; well, not of him at least. She just had too much pride for that. She _hated_ the thought of people feeling sorry for her. She hated that anyone would see any sign of weakness... any sign that they could hurt her in anyway. She figured if she acted happy, people would believe she was happy.

Even if she didn't believe it herself.

Months and months of hiding inside of herself and pretending that she doesn't feel pain. It's exhausting. If Carly and Freddie knew what she went through, they would sleep all of the time too.

She'd woken up early today. The first pitch is supposed to be at noon, so they had planned to go there at around eleven or eleven thirty. Melanie had burst into Sam's room at seven in the morning and tried to wake her up! Sam had kicked and yelled and pled until she agreed to let her sleep for a little while longer, suggesting she go to the store and then come back and make breakfast.

When Melanie had gotten back and made breakfast, she had marched up the stairs and forced Sam out of the bed. She had even brought a peice of bacon up with her and lured Sam downstairs.

So now Sam sat at the kitchen counter, eating her Ultimate Breakfast and listen to Melanie go on and on about her 'absolutely amazing! I mean you would love it!' boarding school. Frankly, Sam was about ready to fall asleep in her food.

As Sam was eating a heaping pile of bacon, she heard a noise on the stairs.

Her mother came down, wearing a robe and slippers. The robe was half open and Sam could see her mother was wearing checkered pajama pants and a tank top. She walked by Sam as she sat and headed straight for the fridge. She pulled out a peice of leftover pizza from yesterday and took a huge bite without even heating it up.

"Hey, mom, are you ready? Sam just needs to get dressed and we'll be ready to go," Melanie asked their mother, Pam. Pam looked at Melanie with a confused and uncaring face.

"Go where?" Pam finished off the pizza and pulled the milk out of the refridgerator.

"To... to the game," Melanie said, sounding hurt. Sam watched as they spoke, not saying anything but feeling her mother's response before the words left her mouth. She stopped eating.

"Game? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not going to any damn game. I'm busy," Pam held the milk carton up to her mouth and took a large gulp.

"But mom, you promised!" Melanie pleaded. As Pam stared at Melanie, Sam could tell that Pam wasn't going anywhere, she was drunk and hungover and she was probably going to get drunk again as soon as she gets back to her room.

Pam hadn't always been like this. She used to be a good mother, one that had gone to work happy and come home happy. Pam had loved Sam's father and she had looked the other way everytime he had missed an event or forgotten an anniversary.

When he died though, apologies weren't needed anymore; and neither were anniversaries. After Sam and Melanie's father had passed, Pam had changed. She'd changed from the loving, supporting, and forgiving mother, into the cold, angry alcoholic she is today.

Pam had let the death affect her in a way that everyone could see. Everyone could tell that Pam had changed. The neighbors that Pam had once befriended, stopped calling and knocking on the door. Pam's boss had overlooked Pam's obviously drunk behavior. Sam's school stopped calling when Sam got in trouble. Melanie's school had stopped inviting her to school events. Pam was a differen't person now; she changed, and everyone knew it.

No one could tell that Sam had changed though.

"Look," Pam sneered looking down at her daughter, "I ain't goin to no _stupid_ little baseball game. I have better stuff to _do_ with my time. Besides, what do you expect me to do while we're there? _Talk_ to you? Puh-lease. Now why don't you go _color_ or something." She waved her hand back and forth, in the direction of the living room.

"But-" Melanie was cut off by her mother's agitated growl as she slapped the girl across the face.

Sam was watching the whole thing, now not even eating. As her mother turned away from Melanie, as if she was trash she'd thrown out last week, Sam hurriedly picked up her fork and looked down at her plate, pretending to eat.

Pam sauntered out of the room and up the stairs. Sam and Melanie listened as they heard her bedroom door close.

Sam looked over at her sister, Melanie was in tears. She had her hand on her cheek and her other hand on her heart. Sam would've thought it was _so _dramatic if she hadn't known how much it had hurt when Pam had first hit _her. _

Melanie's face was red and Sam looked at her apologetically.

"Mel..." Sam trailed off, setting her fork back down and holding her hand out to her sister. Melanie turned away.

"D-don't worry... We can just drive ourselves. Or better yet, we can take the bus or the subway. Just-just take your plate and go upstairs and get dressed. I'll figure it out." Melanie said in a voice that was meant to sound clear but had broken in spots.

Sam slowly dropped her hand. There she was, reaching out to the people she cares about and getting shut down. Again. _This _is why she doen't help people. Her own family is too stubborn and proud to let her in. Even Melanie, the drama queen.

Without another word, Sam picked up her plate and silently made her way out of the kitchen. Before she turned the corner into the living room (which would lead to her bedroom) she looked back at her sister and saw that she stood still in that same spot, gazing out the window with her hands still in place.

Melanie looked so much older to Sam. Today she had her hair back in a bun and she was wearing a blue, short-sleeved blouse with ruffles around the neck. She'd put on black knee length shorts and black tennis shoes.

Sam took one last look at her sister, her twin, before turning the corner and walking to her room.

**Sam POV**

When I got to my room, I set my plate on my dresser as I found some clothes for the day. Luckily, I had my own bathroom so everything else was already there. I laid the clothes out on my bed, picked up the plate and crossed my room to my bathroom door.

I have a few pictures on my mirror and as I walked into the bathroom and set the plate down on the counter, I looked at them. I look at the pictures a lot; there's some of me and carly, me and melanie, me and fredly, and and my mom, me and my dad, mostly everyone I love, they're all there. I keep the pictures up because ever since my dad died, I need them as a reminder as to why I keep trying and I don't just give up. So I know who's always been there. So I can see how my mom was before she fell apart, and that always reminds me of how I could become if I lose control.

For the past eight months, I've struggled so hard to keep control of my life. I've been studying and making sure I know everything on the tests, I turn in my homework and I pass my tests. I only do all this though, when I actually go to class; which I don't. I skip most of my classes, I just go off somewhere and write or look out a window or whatever. Sometimes I just can't handle it. Skipping class is a good way for me to keep control.

I looked at a picture Frednerd had taken of Carly and I. Carly was smiling waving at the camera and I was eating a piece of cake. The whole thing was almost in my mouth and just looking at it made my stomach flip.

There was Carly though, looking pretty and happy and polite. Like always. While I look like some pig let loose from the barn.

I looked at myself in the mirror. My mouth looked greasy and disgusting. My hair was messy and I really did look like I'd just woken up. I looked once more at Carly. I look nothing like her. I don't look graceful and skinny and beautiful. I look fat and boyish.

I glared at myself. Looked at my hips, which now looked to wide; and my shoulders, which looked to broad; or my stomach, which looked round and fat. Disgusting.

_That's nasty._ I heard a voice in the back of my head. I flinched and looked around, as if I wasn't alone and I wasn't crazy.

_Jeez. Your boobs sag over your fat. _There it was again. What? _And what the hell is that on the plate? It makes you want to throw up._Okay what is... it... talking about? What _is_ it?

I looked down at the plate. The delicous and moist ham, now looked huge and fattening. The plate seemed to double in size. I definitely wasn't hungry anymore. My stomach felt queezy. I leaned over the toilet and tried to throw up the queeziness but It wouldn't come up.

I picked up the plate and shoved the ham and sausage in my mouth. I chewed and swallowed. Now I knew what to do. I kept going, shoveling the grits and eggs in my mouth as fast as I could.

Shit. I forgot the orange juice. Well this isn't going to taste good.

After I had cleared the plate, I felt my stomach. Ugh.

I could still taste the food in my mouth and I knew it hadn't even made it to my stomach yet. Perfect.

I didn't think about what I did next. It was like someone else had taken over my body and forced me to choke down that huge plate of food, and I was just watching. Like I was watcing my self in a movie.

I watched myself grab my toothbrush and walk over to the toilet. I watched as I bent down over the toilet and took a deep breath, before puching the toothbrush down my throat and unloading the contents of the Ultimate Breakfast.

**I woke up silently. I felt hot. Too hot, stuffy and scared. I remembered that day like it had just happened; and frankly, it scared me stiff. **

**I was so scared I thought I was trembling. I hate bad dreams. I calmed down after I heard something. **

**Breathing. That's what I heard. Breathing of someone who wasn't asleep yet. Freddie's breathing. Which means he's awake. I don't know why, but just knowing that he's awake, that he's there, calmed me down greatly. I wasn't scared knowing that he was there. Which is odd, because he's still a wimpy little nerd. But it seems like when I'm around him, bad things go away. **

**So I was laying there, pretending to still be asleep, and trying to go back to sleep, just listening to his even breaths. I was starting to doze off when I felt him move a little bit. I kept my eyes closed and resisted the urge to peek and see what he was doing. **

**And then I felt him leaning over me; looking at me. I felt him watching me. But it didn't feel wrong or awkward or insecure. It felt protective and I wanted more than anything to touch him in any way. **

**An then he kissed me. **

**On the forehead really but all I could think was, he kissed me. **

**"Oh Sam. If you only knew how beautiful you really are." I heard him say. Normally, I would have just ignored him and done my best to sort out my feelings of what just happened; and that's what I told myself to do. **

**But my body did something else. My body slowly rolled over until I had rolled into him, making it seem like I had done it sleepily. My brain and my heart were at war. **

**But I decided to let myself enjoy this moment. So I rested my head on him and smiled as I drifted off to sleep. **


	12. Chapter 12

**{Ah, my faithful readers, I am so very sorry for the lack of updates this month. I don't even have much of an excuse for it. I've just been going through a lot. And I have a horrid habit of writing the whole story, and stopping at the last few paragraphs. Actually, I had a horrible infection last week... Anyway, I'll stop with my petty excuses. This chapter is a little... I don't know. It will be very intresting though. Oh and don't worry, the next chapter will blow your mind! Haha, anyway, I PLAN to have the next chapter in before the end of the week... But I make no promises. Please just... Enjoy! Oh and Happy Thanksgiving! (: Make a great day, Ariel*}**

**FPOV**

"Let's play a game," I hear Sam say as soon as she walks into the room. It's Friday night and we've been watching TV for three or four hours.

Since it's Friday, my mom is at work so we're good. My mom works nights so during the day Sam and I usually hang over at Carly's and Sam spends the night there on weekends while my mom is off. We've got the whole thing worked out.

She had went to the bathroom to shower and change. It was my day to go first so I was already in my shorts and T-Shirt. I'd heard the water go off but I was too afraid to go listen and see what Sam was telling herself today. Ever since the day at the Y, which was the night I heard her talking to herself, I'd tried very hard not to bother Sam or get her too upset, especially with herself.

I mean, I never pegged her as the suicidal type,but it's crazy what a disease can do to you. Anyway, I've been complimenting her and being nice, and I try not to get mad when she messes with me. I never noticed how mean I had gotten. Maybe I've been spending too much time around Sam, but I realized that every time she does something to me, I just snap. I've been trying not to do that and not to say hurtful things. Think before I speak.

Sometimes, I wonder why I do these things; take care of Sam and worry about her and all of that. Really, it's obvious though, Sam is my friend. And she needs help. It's not the same as it used to be. Everything has changed. Well, for me and Sam it has. Things aren't normal anymore. Because something happened. Something big. Something that brought us two frenemies together to fight off something that we can't control. Something that could possibly send BOTH of us, off the edge.

So Sam and I are in this together, whether we like it or not. It's too late now. We need each other.

"What kind of game?" I ask Sam as I move to the foot of the bed so that she can climb in the corner, her favorite place.

"Tuth or dare." She suggests, raising her eyebrows, as if I actually have a choice.

"Ah. The benefits of living with a girl..." I joke, smiling at her but turning myself to face her better.

She laughs. I really love when she laughs, and I mean really laugh, I don't mean when she's just laughing because everyone else is or when she laughs to avoid talking. I mean when she opens her mouth and slightly throws hr head back. It's probably the best sound in the world, so rich and light, it just makes me want to laugh along with her. But I'd never tell her this, of course. She'd probably set me on fire or something.

"Anyway," She smiles, and for a split second, I wonder why she's in such a good mood today, but I quickly waved away the thought as she continued, "I'll start. Truth or Dare?" She asks, raising her eyebrows and leaning her back against the wall.

"Truth," I pick, knowing that whatever she dares me to do... Well I'm afraid of what she might dare me to do.

She looks up at taps her lip with her index finger. I notice that her finger nails are painted. That's new. Sam usually doesn't care about her nails or her makeup or anything like that. Once again, I remember how much she has changed... She's just not the same Sam. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss the old Sam.

"Why do you _really_ love Carly?" She asks, jolting me back to reality. I look up from her deep red nails and look at her for a moment while I contemplate the question.

Why _do _ I love Carly? Honestly, I haven't really thought about it much lately. I haven't really thought about _Carly _ lately. I haven't hit on her or anything since... Well since I found out about Sam. It's never really occured to me. It never really mattered.

Sam looked impatient.

"Hello? Is anybody in there?" She asked, raising her eyebrow irritably. I held up my finger,

"Gimme a minute," I said and she sighed, leaning her head back against the wall.

I continued to wonder about my 'crush' on Carly. I remembered the first time we met.

_Really I'd met Sam first. It was in fifth grade. It was my first day at a new school. My mother and I had just moved to Seattle and I was starting that day at my new school._

_I'd worn my brand new Spiderman sneakers and I was really excited to make new friends, but I was really looking forward to lunch. My mother didn't allow junkfood, everything was organic and low fat and nothing tasted good. I had a secret stash in my room though. Stuff I had bought at gas stations with my allowance when my mom wasn't looking. Today, I had snuck beef jerky into my lunch sack when I ran in to 'grab my jacket'. _

_I was in the same class with Carly and Sam, but I didn't know them yet. They were just two girls in my class, in addition to the other thirteen girls. Since it was the first day, I wasn't extremely new, but I did notice that most of the people had come here before and already had sat next to their friends. I read the name tags. _

_Carly had sat next to Sam and so on. When I walked in, I saw a few empty seats. There was one by a boy who was eating paste (I thought people stopped doing that in like second grade?), and one by a girl with piggy tails in her plain brown hair, and one by a normal looking kid who looked bored and tired. I sat next to the normal looking boy, which was across from Sam and Carly. When I sat down, Sam glared at me. Carly smiled and whispered into Sam's ear. They both laughed. I shifted in my seat._

_The day went by normally, Carly and Sam ignored me and the teacher did the necassary introductions. By eleven am I was watching the clock and counting by the minutes to lunch. When the teacher finally looked at the clock and said, 'Okay students, time for lunch' I jumped up out of my seat and was the second one in line; behind a boy with sandy blonde hair. The teacher walked us to the cafeteria and everyone split up to go sit with their friends. I sat at a table by myself, I didn't really have any friends yet, but I didnt't care. _

_I put my lunch sack on the table and happily pulled the jerky from the bag. I was opening the wrapper when I felt the jerky being pulled out of my hand. I jerked my head around and saw a blonde girl with curly hair and blue eyes. She was holding my jerky and smirking down at me. Sam. _

_"Uh, excuse me," I said,"That's my jerky," I reached up to try to take it back. Sam jerked it away from my hand. _

_"Too bad. Now it's mine. I love jerky." She said, taking a bite from it and her smirk got wider. _

_"Hey!" I said, crossing my arms and standing up to face her. She was a little bit taller than me but she was still a girl. "Give me my jerky back!" I reached for it again but she moved it once again. This time, though, she pushed me and turned me around so that my back was to her. I wondered what she was doing but I knew it when I felt my underwear be pulled up my butt. _

_Wedgie. _

_"HEY!" I yelled, wondering where the teachers or lunch ladies were and why they weren't helping me. Sam was laughing and I was clenchingmy teeth, in obvious pain and discomfort. _

_Then I heard another voice. _

_"SAM!" I heard a girls voice yell, shocked. My underwear was realesed and I turned around to see Carly, shaking her head at Sam. _

That was when I had 'fallen in love' with Carly. After making Sam apologize, she had invited me to sit with them, and then she had given me the icing from her cupcake. I thought that Carly was the prettiest girl I knew then, and I thought Sam was a demon.

From that day on, I had slaved over Carly, looking at her with lovestruck eyes and hitting on her at every chance I got. Sam continued to bully me, but after a while I got used to it.

I had loved Carly because she was nice to me. She was always nice to everyone. Sure she was a little boy crazy, but you could depend on her.

I looked at Sam again, forcing myself to get off of memory lane. She was still leaning back, looking up at the ceiling. Her hair fell back down her back and shoulders and her lips were pink and pouty.

"I don't love Carly," I said, saying the truest words I could. Because it's true. I _don't _love Carly. I never realized before, but the feelings I used to feel for her... They're just gone. She's more of a sister to me, really. I remember all those times Carly and I kissed... There just weren't any sparks.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, looking at me now.

"I just don't love her anymore." I shrugged. She looked at me once again, face confused.

"Fredboy," She started, shaking her head, "You can't just stop loving someone. Either you never did. Or you still do. Love is fragile. But it's also very strong. Either you love Carly, or you don't. You can love people in different ways. I love Carly like she's my sister, and I love my Mom as my mom. Even after all she did to me, I love her. And I love Melanie and I love Spencer and I love all of my friends... I even love you. It's just the _way_ you love someone." She said, emphasizing.

"And I just don't understand," She continued, "How you can think that you can just _stop_ loving someone. You think you can just take an emotion like that back? I just... I don't get it." She said, shaking her head.

That's one of the things I love about Sam. She can seem so uncaring and hard, but then she just comes out and says things that.. that blow your mind. She says things so wise. She really makes you think.

Maybe you _can't_ just stop loving someone. Maybe you can truly _love_ someone, and even though you may not like them, or you may be upset with them, but you just can't take that back. Because people make mistakes. And people hurt other people, and when you love someone, you have the strength to forgive them when they hurt you. And to look past their flaws and their mistakes and forgive them everytime. Because when you love someone, that bond isn't easily broken.

"I get it," I say, "I do love Carly. But I don't love her the way I thought I did. After kissing her, and getting my chance with her... I just don't feel the same way I used to. I guess I realized that Carly _isn't_ my dream girl. She's more like a sister to me." I finish, struggling with my words but getting the point out there.

At first, I think she's going to say something else intelligent, or point out something else. But she doesn't do that. She only says one word.

"Okay," She says quietly. Looking down at her lap for a moment. I watch her, wondering what shes thinking, as I often do. After a minute or two she looks up.

"Okay, yeah. Whatever. You're such a dork." She says, rolling her eyes and flashing her signiature smirk. "Your turn." She adds.

"Oh yeah. Um... Truth or Dare?" I ask her.

"Dare," She says almost immediately. I dare her to stand on her head. She does, I clap and we continue. The game goes on and each time she picks dare. On one of her turns I decide to get smart.

"I dare you to pick truth next," I say, smirking. She glares at me, obviously annoyed.

"Fine," she says. At her next turn, she did pick truth, but I couldn't choose which one of my many questions to ask her.

"What do you do when you get hungry?" I ask her, looking at her with intrest and friendly wonder, hoping that's enough to make her answer it.

"I drink water," She says, raising her eyebrow, a smirk playing at her lips.

"Sam, I already knew that. What _else_?" I asked.

"You asked what I do when I get hungry. I gave you _a_ thing. A thing I do when I get hungry. You never said I had to say something you didn't know. " She says, openly smirking by now.

At her next turn, she picks dare again. I'm about to dare her to pick truth, but then I start to think.

_Could I dare her to eat something?_

She'd probably just throw it up anyway though. 

_Yeah, that idea's probably useless._

_But what if I say she can't throw it up?_

_I don't want to be mean or intrude though. Obviously she doesn't want to eat, and I mean, what can I do about that? _

_**You could tell someone**. _A small voice says at the back of my head.

_I promised Sam I wouldn't tell anyone. And I promised myself _I_ would help her myself if she won't let me let someone else help her. _

_Oh Freddie just do it. Just say 'I dare you to eat a slice of the pie my mom made, and not throw it up.' Just say it, dude!_

After thinking about it, I decided to give it a try. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.

"I'm tired. I'm ready to go to sleep." She says, yawning to emphasize.

I watch her as she slowly gets up and walks over to the light switch, flicking it off and picking her way back to my bed through the darkness. I feel her lay down, but I don't move. After a few minutes of the silence she speaks.

"Are you going to lay down?" She asks, in a voice barely above a whisper. She knows I can hear her though.

"What does it matter if I lay down?" I ask. Why does she need me to lay down so _she_ can go to sleep?

"Well.. It's just... If I tell you something you cannot repeat a word I say to _anyone_ or I will cut your dick off in your sleep and feed it to you for breakfast." She threatens.

_The hell?_

"Umm, okay," I promise, glancing at my manhood and then focusing again on her dark figure. She's still laying down but I can see her small body underneath the blankets.

"Okay well I kind of... I mean..." She stutters. I still don't speak. I'm really curious as to what she'll say now because Sam Puckett rarely stutters. "You help me fall asleep," She blurts out. I feel her body shift, as if she's trying to forget she said it and pretend to be asleep.

"Aah," I say, staying still for a moment. Neither of us says anything for a long while. I know she's awake though, her breathing isn't quite the same as when she sleeps.

After a while, I lay down right next to her, I feel how cold and yet warm her body is from laying there all alone. She shifts once again, but it's more like she's moving a little bit closer. Her back is to me and we're not actually touching but the position is still intamate in a way.

She falls asleep fast, and I just lay there and listen to her even breathing, as I often do now a days. I'm staring at her back, I can see all of the bones poking out and once again I realize how small she is. Her small waist seems to be buried in my king size mattress. Her long hair lies on the pillow, still exposing her tiny body.

Her body is cold but it is still letting out warmth. Sam seems to always be emnating some sort of warmth. I think back to earlier that night, when she's asked me that first question.

_"Fredboy," She started, shaking her head, "You can't just stop loving someone. Either you never did. Or you still do. Love is fragile. But it's also very strong."_

_Kind of like Sam_, I thought. I looked at Sam's small body, _Love is fragile, Sam is fragile. _I thought back to all of those times she had acted cold-hearted and mean. _Love is strong, Sam is strong. _She never lets anyone see her upset. She just acts like she doesn't care. Like that day she told Carly and I about her Dad leaving.

_"Welp, he's gone," She'd said, shrugging her shoulder and throwing herself onto the couch. _

_"Who?" Carly had asked. _

_"My Dad. Mom's upset because he ran off." She said nonchalantly, grabbing the remote and flipping the TV on. _

_"Again?" Carly asked, sitting in one of the chairs. I remained standing over by the counter, watching them. "He'll be back. He always comes back," Carly said, watching Sam flip through the channels. Once Carly said that, Sams flipping became more frustrated and fast. She was flipping the channel before the shows even popped up. _

_"Nah," Sam said, "He's really gone this time. Getting married or some shit like that," Sam stopped once she got to the end of the channels. She then started going backwards through all the channels now. "Ugh, I'll just watch a move," She says, jumping up and walking over to the cabinet the Shay's keep all of their movies in. _

_"Wait, what!" Carly exclaims, looking at Sam incredulously. _

_Sam is quiet for a minute, and I have a good side view of her face. I see her pause and I could've sworn I saw a tear slide down her cheek. She quickly wipes it away and turns to catch me staring and glares at me. _

_"Yeah," She turns her attention back to the movies. Her voice is blank and expressionless. "He ran off with some red headed bitch to try and start a new family." She says. _

After Sam told me last week that she had lied and that her father had actually died, I began to think of Sam differently. She's just so strong. Burying all of her pain deep inside of her. Locking it up in a drawer and only letting herself fully mourn when no one else was around. Not letting anyone help her. Believing that she's some kind of monster...

Sam has strength in levels I might never fully understand. But she can love people. Even though she doesn't show it in a way most people do, I've learned that Sam can love people with all of her heart. She still loves her dad, still mourns him to this day. She still loves her mom after all the shit she's put her through in the past few years. She loves Carly and Spencer, and she loves me.

_"I even love you_." Her words sounded in my head.

_"You can love people in different ways. I love Carly like she's my sister, and I love my Mom as my mom. Even after all she did to me, I love her. And I love Melanie and I love Spencer and I love all of my friends... _

_I even love you. _"

Samantha Puckett. Sam Puckett. The girl who loves, the girl who has a heart, even though sh edoesn't show it. The girl who loves the people who hurt her. And loves the people who need her, like me. I need Sam. I need her in ways that even I don't understand. I need her snide remarks and her cruel words. Because even though she says mean things, even though she does mean things, that's the way she shows it. That's the way she loves.

Sam Puckett is like love. She is weak, but she is strong. She can hurt, but she can heal. She can leave you speechless, in good ways, and in bad ways. She can give you that warm feeling in your heart, and she can surprise you.

She does that to me everyday. I never know what to expect with her.

Sam Puckett, is Love.


	13. Chapter 13

**{*Sorry it took so long. Once again. Anyway, this is a good one. Just telling you, be prepared. -Make a great day, Ariel*}**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own iCarly, or the songs played/written.

**Sam POV**

I woke up feeling like shit today. At first, I was comfortable, feeling warm and cozy in the nice and big, king size bed, but I was only dreaming then.

When I woke up, my body hurt and felt really gross. I woke up cold and shivering, like I usually do. My skin was dry and my nails hurt. My scalp was aching and my hair felt hard.

This was how it usually felt when I woke up, but this time, it ticked me off even worse.

I don't really sleep at night, but I'm always tired. Usually, I just end up laying there with my eyes closed pretending I'm asleep so that Freddie doesn't suspect anything. Insomnia. I'm always tired and my body usually feels worn out. And at the end of everyday I go to bed hoping I'll get more than about two hours of sleep.

Last night, I got none.

I woke up cranky as hell, about an hour before Freddie was supposed to get up. Usually I would just lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling until he woke up, but today I was feeling impatient.

I climb out of bed, carefully stepping over the nerd and making my way to my bag. I had put _most_ of my clothes in his drawers but I had left some more personal things in my bag. Like my journal. I pull it out and put it on Freddie's desk, which is near my bag. I'm looking for... Ah there it is!

Some face cream. My skin felt dry and I knew it was discolored, so I put face cream on alot and took very hot showers.

I picked up the brown bottle and went into Freddie's bathroom to take a shower. The water felt hot on my cold skin and I made sure to let a lot of it run on my hair. I wash my hair with two different conditioners and two different shampoos, twice. My hair is my best feature and I have to take extra care of it all of a sudden.

I know that Freddie's mom is gone. Basically she's only at home either during some nights or during some days while we're at school. Freddie put a lock on the outside of his door and carries around a key for it, he did that last night when his mom almost came in and saw me when I got back from Carly's.

Seriously, this is odd behavior for her.

I am living in a house with probably _the_ most insane health/neat freak in Seattle. Marissa Benson. No offense to Freddie but... wait, total offense to Freddie, his mom is a crazy freak. I mean, seriously, I really just want to see her and my mom go at it. I'm afraid of what the outcome might be though, I mean... Ugh. Gives me shivers.

Anyway, I woke up at six am, an ungodly time, I mean who's awake at six am? Well I suppose Freddie's mom is... but ever since she got that promotion and started working full time she's never home. Which is odd for her.

I really am feeling weird lately. Queeziness, tiredness, irritability... It's like the monster inside of me is eating me alive. And I can't fight it.

I mean, another thing when I woke up today, I was so hungry I could barely move. On days like this, I decide to eat, but I always throw it up. I think this is a good way to teach myself self control. I don't depend on food like the other weaklings do. Like I _used_ to do. Sure, me losing this weight I've been trying to lose does have it's bad parts,But then again, you can never be too thin.

Thin is beautiful.

.

.

.

**A few hours later, on the way to school. Still Sam POV**

"Sam are you sure you're okay?" Freddly asks me for the gajillionth time. I sigh in annoyance and let my head hit the back of my seat. Fredd-O and I are on our way to school right now.

Ugh. School.

"Frednub, I am fine. Jeez. Calm your hormones." I let my hands rest on my stomach and then curled my lips in disgust at the amount of fat there. I quickly move my hands and let the seat back, placing my hands behind my head. This is safe. Of course now I've realized how huge my head is... And my skin... Jeez why has my skin been so _dry_ lately? And my hair is like falling out...

I reach up and touch a strand of my long blonde hair. It feels normal but there's a hint at the brittleness of it. See, lately, I've been washing my hair twice a day and applying the skin cream three times a day- my skin has been looking kind of yellowish. Gross right?- and I've just been so dizzy lately.

Of couse I never tell Freddie any of this, he would completely freak out. In fact, I think he'll have a Carly freak out. Really, I don't complain about it anywhere but in my head. I mean, everyone gets dizzy every once in a while right? And the hair and skin is probably just because I never used to take insanely good care. It's completely normal!

I give up on my hands and, defeated, let them fall to my sides, far away from my body.

"Sam, I find no logic in your little 'Catch phrase'. I mean where did it even come from?" He asks. Gah. He's such a freaking nerd.

"Up your ass!" I almost yell, crossing my arms. I grow frustrated and drop them, once again.

Freddie looks shocked at my reaction. Good. He should be afraid. Especially for when he doesn't have the 'driving' thing to protect him. Just wait until we get to school.

My mouth tastes minty. I brushed my teeth like three times though. After wofling down a low fat salad and some orange juice, I'd told Freddie I was going to brush my teeth and silently threw up while I was in there. I knew he was happy because I'd eaten and didn't really think that I would throw it up, and for some reason, I felt bad about that. But also incredibly pissed off at the same time. I mean who told him he was allowed to be so damn... caring. It makes me sick. He and Carly _belong_ together.

That also makes me feel sick. Freddie and Carly may have a lot in common and all but... they just wouldn't be a good couple. Freddie is a weak little nub, he needs someone a little more... abrasive. Someone more adventurous.

And, you know Carly is my best friend. But she's such a... goody two shoes. She needs to be with someone like... Gibby. I don't know, anyone but my-... er I mean, anyone but that NUB, Freddie. Psh. Not saying that the ownership I have over him is anything more than owner and nub. Owner and Nub. That's _all._

Okay I'm going to stop rambling about that _horrible_ pairing... Anyway, back to Freddie and his... genorosity.

Since I haven't thrown up in a while he hasn't been looking out for it, which means he let me eat, and then go to the bathroom, thinking nothing of it. Besides, I could've blamed it on sickness. After not eating for so long, eating again really does make me throw up, though I've gotten better at controlling it. I can manage to choke out a 'Gotta pee' before running to the bathroom and vomitting.

"Sam," I hear Nubby McNubNub call my name.

"The _hell_ do you want?" I snap at him, still thinking about him and Carly.

"Um, we're here..." He says nervously. Rubbing the back of his neck. He always does that when he's nervous. It's so cu- annoying! Psh.

I quickly open my door and jump out of the car. I grab my backpack and slam the door, stalking into the school, leaving Fredboy still sitting in the car, confused.

**Freddie's POV**

_Okay what is up with Sam? _I think as I make my way into the school building and to my locker. She's been acting really weird lately. I think it's because of her disease. She woke up pissed and it woke me up. I heard her in the shower and I glanced at the clock, which said it was barely after six. I looked around, she had practically thrown all of her stuff on the floor in a haste to get to the bathroom.

As I walk to my locker, I see Sam standing at hers shoving her stuff in hastily and then running right past me and down the hall. _Why is she in such a rush?_ I wonder, shrugging my shoulders and opening my locker.

In my locker, there is a picture of me, Carly, and Sam. The picture is from when iCarly first started. From before Sam... changed.

And that's when it hits me.

Like a fly being smashed by a brick.

She's been getting so much worse and I haven't done anything about it. I let my feelings and memories of her get in the way of what she _really_ is now. When I looked at her, I didn't see the new Sam. I saw the old Sam with a slimmer figure. But I never noticed how slim that figure was.

I never noticed how bony she is, and how none of her clothes seem to fit, how they all look baggy and huge on her. I never noticed how much paer her hair has gotten or the yellow tint to her skin. I never noticed the bags under her eyes even though it seems like she sleeps for at least eight hours. I never noticed how weak and fragile she's gotten, or how she's always hugging her arms for warmth. Not even the way she swerved a little and her eyes rolled to the back of her head when she made quick movements.

Most importantly though, I never noticed that she actually ate today, but she went to the bathroom after, and her breatj was very minty when she came back. She washes her hair and puts creams and stuff on her face all the time. Her nails dig into my skin while I sleep and they are brittle and hard, though you can't tell by looking because she always has them painted.

Here I am complaining about everyone else, especially Carly, not noticing what was happening with her right in front of their faces, and here I was doing the exact same thing. I am such a hypocrite.

But how do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped? Someone who is too freaking stubborn and independent to let you in. Someone who's slowly killing herself and she doesn't even know it.

My eyes start to water, I throw my books on the ground. The final bell rings and I notice that I am alone in the hallway. I look around but I can't ignore the pain in my throat and the ache in my stomach.

I can't do this anymore. 

**Later that day, At Freddie's house. **

I left school. Before school even started really. I never noticed how easy it was. I just walked right out the front door. After standing in the empty hallway for several minutes, I had grabbed my backpack, slammed my locker shut, and walked right out of the school.

I felt the cool breeze as I walked out of the school and I instantly felt a lot better. In the school, I felt trapped. Caught in my own personal storm of emotions and realizations. Out here, I can think better. As I walk to my car and climb in the front seat, I just sit there for a minute, key in hand but not in the car.

I pull my phone out and text Sam.

**Hey, I have some stuff to do at home. Catch a ride with Carly or Gibby if you can. Are you hanging out at carly's after school today? **

I get tired of sitting here without even the grumble of the engine to distract me. The car was too quiet. I stuck the key in the ignition and turned the car on. My radio was busted because Sam got mad at me one day and literally ripped it out of the socket. This was so long ago I never really remembered it unless I wanted to listen to the radio as I drive.

I get a text back from Sam about five minutes later.

**Oh look. Freddnub Benson grew some balls and skipped school. I'm proud. Yeah. Whatever. I guess I am. I'm feeling a little queasy and tired though so I might be home early.**

**No One's Point of View**

Freddie ignored the insulting greeting and smiled at her 'home' reference. He put his phone on the passenger seat and put his hands on the wheel. He drove home feeling very numb and tired. He felt an emptiness in his stomach. He pulled up at Bushwell Plaza and his mind flashed to his mother. She hadn't been around much lately, which was good for the Sam situation, but also worrisome for him.

**Freddie's Point of View**

**Are you sure you're okay? **

I text back, starting to feel a little worried.

No doubt, she's gotten worse. And I'm going to stop humoring her. I'm going to stop sitting back and watching her kill herself. I just can't do that anymore. It's time to do something. I don't care if she won't cooperate. All I have to do is have a doctor look at her and see how small she is. All I have to do is have someone watch her as closely as I do and notice all of the syptoms.

I am _going_ to help her. Whether she wants me to or not. I'll talk to her when I get home, I have to at least tell her what I'm doing.

Until then, I guess I'll just hang in my room. I walk up the stairs and to my apartment door. I feel my phone vibrate as I put the key in the lock.

**Jeez Freddnub. I'm fine. I already fucking told you that. Calm your freakin hormones. **

I sighed aloud. I guess I'm used to the way Sam treats me, I'm used to her quick temper and her craziness. But lately, it's gotten very bad. It's like I say _one_ thing she doesn't like and she goes off on me. I like to think that I've dealt with it nicely, I've been very careful around her, not allowing myself to sink to her level. Before this, I would've snapped right back at her but I know that she's just irritable and in pain from her... disease.

When I make it to my room, I throw my bag down on the ground and sit down on my bed. I put my head in my hands and concentrate on my breathing. I want so bad to be able to stop thinking... but my mind keeps wandering to her. It's driving me crazy. Sam usually _does_ drive me crazy, but just not in this way.

I start thinking about the dreadful talk I'll have to have with Sam when she gets home. I begin to panic, worried about her reaction. I don't know if her little body could take it.

All of a sudden, I am _very _tired. My eyes are closed but if they were open they'd probably be drooping. My body is tired and I just want to collapse. I lift my head, slowly because it feels heavy and tired, and glance at the clock.

I have almost several hours until school even ends, maybe I should skip more often. I lay back on my bed and drift off to sleep.

I wake up at two-thirty. School ends at three. I sit up, but I don't feel groggy and tired like I usually do when I wake up. I feel very alert. Odd.

Sam isn't coming home after school and my mom... I don't even know where she is. Which means I probably will be alone until around eight or nine.

I sit on my bed in silence for a while, wondering what I should do next. I begin, once again, to remember the confrontation I have to face in a few hours and I stand up quickly, knowing i shouldn't get too worked up because I might chicken out before she even makes it home.

I walk over to my desk, where my pearpod is and my pearhome. I stick the pearpod in the pearhome and press play.

_**There's some things, we don't talk about  
rather do without  
and just hold the smile  
falling in and out of love  
ashamed and proud of  
together all the while **_

It's ironic that this song would come on. I chuckle to myself and turn it up a little bit. I turn to walk away, but something catches my eye.

I see a large, deep purple book with the words, _Spice_ on the cover in black sparkly letters. I figure it must be Sam's. What the whole _Spice_ thing means, I don't know. Curiously, I pick the book up. It's actually very soft, one of those journals with the soft, furry covers. I run my hand over the word _Spice_ and I see that it is not soft, it's hard and feels like it was stuck on there or engraved.

I run my hand over the cover a few more times.

_Should I do it?_

_Dude, it's Sam's..._

_She'll KILL me._

_But she's not here..._

_She shouldn't have left it on my desk._

I finally decide to open it. Thinking of an excuse – I had to make sure it was yours or it just fell open right in front of my face- and sitting down on the floor in front of my desk. I look down at the cover once more, and then I open it.

_**I will be your guardian  
when all is crumbling  
steady your hand**_

You can never say never  
why we dont know when  
time, time and time again  
younger now then we were before 

The music played on but I didn't hear it anymore. I was immersed into the words on the, well used, white pages. The first page I opened to was a drawing. I never knew Sam was so talented, of course the last drawing of hers I saw was of her and... Jonah (Bleh). I never knew that she had talent on this level though. I never knew... Well I guess there's a lot about her that I _still_ don't know.

It's funny how you can live with someone and barely know anything about them.

The drawing was a girl, and honestly, it made me want to cry. The drawing was obviously done on pencil so it was black and white. The girl had long dark hair, as dark as the pencil will go I assume, and she was looking down. The part of her face that you _could_ see was covered with scars. Some of them looked fresh, and some of them were light and looked as if they were disappearing. I could see tears coming down from the girls eyes but the rest of her face showed no sign of pain, other than the scars.

The girl wasn't Sam. I could tell not only by the hair but just by looking, I knew. Maybe it wasn't Sam but it could have been a reflection of the pain she feels. My mind tries to picture Sam with the scars but I just can't see it. My eyes are watering and I'm shaking my head to try to clear my thoughts and pull myself together.

I finally muster up the self control and the strength to turn the page. The next drawing was happier. It was of a beach. This picture was in color and she used pretty reds and oranges and yellows, and a very pretty blue color. There were trees surrounding the water and even a few birds in the sky. The oranges and reds and yellows blended together nicely and there was a very bright spot in the middle of the page, the sunset.

The drawing took my breath away, I blinked a few times to make sure It was still there. I felt like if I blinked, the whole book would disappear.

I turned the page again. The next picture was... different. It was very deep and very personal. It was in dark colors, sort of black and white but not just black and white. There was another girl, sitting in a chair. This girl was more like Sam. Her hair was light and it was obvious it was supposed to be blonde. Her eyes, which looked hollow and lifeless, also looked light, so I could tell they were blue. The gir was sitting in the chair, looking up, which was more like looking at me, -the viewer- with helpless and confused eyes. There were people around her. Well more like faces. They were drawn in a way as to where it looked like they were floating on each side of her, except for in front of her. They were all looking at her, some looked angry, some looked sad, some looked happy... many different expressions. But all of their eyes held the same thing, expectance. Like they were all expecting something from her. Her hands were hanging to the side, barely brushing the chair. She was wearing dark colors, dark as black.

This drawing, gave me mixed emotions. I wanted to feel sad, but I also wanted to feel curious. I was confused. Was it supposed to mean people were constantly counting on her for things? Or was it supposed to mean she had a lack in privacy? I didn't really understand. I turned the page confused this time.

The next picture, affected me the most. My stomach tightened and began to ache. It felt empty and knotted. My head began to hurt and my heart began to race. My breathing became shallow and I felt as if it was right in front ot me.

It was a girl. She was standing on a scale, and there was a mirror off to the side. The girls head was tilted, looking toward the mirror. This one was definitely Sam. Sam had drawn this one very well and very specifically to be her. The hair was light and very long. This girl, this girl was thin. This girl was barely thinner than Sam. Even though it was just a drawing, I could see the girl's bones. They stuck right through her skin. The girl was wearing only a bra and underwear and I could also see that her thighs were abnormally small. _Everything_ about the girl just screamed, small, thin, tiny. It made me want to reach out and touch her, to see if she'll crumble at just the touch of human skin.

Was this Sam's goal? Is this what she wants to look like? She doesn't have long until she gets there. But once she does, will it be enough?

_Does she already look like that?_

No, no she can't. I would have... someone would have noticed. Someone would have seen by now. She...

I can't let her see herself the way she sees herself. I need to let her know how beautiful, how amazing she is. I have to make her realize how much everyone loves her. And how much she's hurting them by doing this to herself.

I flip to the back of the book, tracing my way to the blank page after the last drawing she drew. I pulled a pen off of my desk and began to write.

_Sam, _

_Don't be mad. It's just me, Freddie. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have gone through your stuff like this. I know it's wrong. I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you something though. _

_You are beautiful, Sam. You don't know how beautiful you are. I have never met anyone else with the same, long blonde curls you have. I've never seen anyone with bluer eyes. Your eyes are like the ocean, and when you're happy, your eyes laugh and it's the best thing I have ever seen in my life. _

_You have an amazing personality and a crazy sense of humor. You're not to girly and soft, you know how to take care of yourself. Guys like that. The guys you dated before... they're just to stupid to see. But I see. And I care. _

_You don't need to do this to yourself. You're too beautiful to die. You're perfect the way you are. _

_Love, _

_Freddie_

I don't know if it's enough. And I know that there's a number of things I could add, other things about her that are absolutely amazing, but this is all I'll give her for now.

I turn back to where I was. As I begin to turn the page, I hear the door to my room burst open. I look up in shock and see Sam standing there. I'm brought back to reality and I realize that the music I was listening to is still on.

_**All I know  
time is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks life away **_

Sam looked down and saw what I was holding. Her eyes went wide and she started shaking.

"Ohmyham. You. Did. Not." She said, clenching her teeth and continuing to shake. I opened my mouth to speak but she continued on, "I can't _BELIEVE you!" _She screamed. She started to continue on but stopped and her hand flew up to her chest. "Ow!" She grunted, keeling over a little bit. I could see sweat beads forming on her face and her breathing was ragged. I stand up and look at her, shocked.

"SAM!"I yell my hands flying forward, as if that will do something. I watch as she continues to clutch at her chest. I run over to her, trying to find a way to help her.

"Sam what's wrong?" I ask nervously, fidgeting and wondering what to do. She lets out one more ragged breath before she goes unconcious. I meanage to catch her before she can completely hit the ground. The music is still booming from my Pearhome.

"_SAM!" _I yell again, I pick her up into my arms and rush out of my room, leaving the door open. As I open my front door I can still hear the music.

_**I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
**_

_**I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter. **_


	14. Chapter 14

{Okay you all, I have updated this super quick because of  two amazing comments I recieved. Special thanks to, **ccQTccQT, Quinno96, KarlaRockAngel, and samandfreddie38. (:**

Ha! But I've made some decisions. I am tired of only getting like three or four comments each chapter. So I have decided that I am going to _take my time_ to update and spell check and everything. I will try update as soon as I get eight reviews. I know it seems cruel but I don't see the point in updating as soon as I can when only a few people tell me they like it. Besides, comments inpire me and make me _want_ to update sooner! AND, I have decided to make the "Best Review of the Chapter" Award. And whoever has the best review, will get a sneak peek of the next chapter (: Anyway, I'll stop rambling and let you read (: Enjoy. -Make a great day, Ariel}

**Sam's POV**

I don't know where I am. It's... it's too dark. My lungs hurt... my chest hurt... everything hurts. Everywhere I turn there's darkness. I can't find the light anymore... I'm having difficulty breathing. I can't... I can't do this...

**Unknown amount of time later**

It's not dark anymore. In fact... memories are flashing through my head. Some of them are good...and some of them are very bad.

_"Happy Birthday, Sam!" Everyone shouted as I walked into Carly's house on my seventeenth birthday. I had told Carly I didn't want anymore parties. Especially not since the last one... the one that showed me how tomboyish and weird I was. _

_As soon as I walked in everyone was around me, hugging me, talking to me. There were people everywhere around me. I heard a voice though. One voice seperate from the rest._

_"Sam! SAM!" The voice kept saying my name over and over again. I looked around, trying to find a face that matched the voice. I didn't know where it was coming from. My eyes widened and I started to breathe heavy. It was so overwhelming. The voice continued on, even when I disappeared._

One minute, I was right there at my Seventeenth birthday party, overwhelmed with happy friends. Next, I was... I don't know where I am. All I see is white this time. I can walk here though, and as I walk, I start shouting.

"Hello! HELLO! Anybody there! Get your stupid face out here!" I yell to no one in particular. I continue walking until I see a door. It's a brown, wooden door that looks like it's from the midevil times. The door is about ten meters away and I walk towards it. I'm walking very slowly though. I should be there already but I'm not.

When I finally make it to the door, I tug the old looking handle. It doesn't open. I put my hands on my hips and pout. I glare at the door. I decide to try again. I pull on the door again, with all of my power. It finally slings open and I fall to the ground. _Ow. My butt. _I stand up and brush myself off, before stepping through the doorway.

When I walk through the door, it's like the whole world changed around me. I'm standing in a room... I look down and see that I'm wearing a winter coat and a gloves and gloves and all of that. I walk outside of another door and I am standing outside. There is snow on the ground and swirling around in the air. It's dark outside. It's very cold and I cross my arms, trying to pull my coat tighter around me. I start to take a step forward, but stop when I hear shouting. I step backwards back onto the porch of the house I just left. I hide in one of the shadows and peer out at some guys in front of me. There was a school building right next to the building I was hiding outside of. I saw a man walk out. He looked like... is it possible... because he looks just like...

My dad.

In fact, that is my dad. I can tell by his coat and by his light hair.

"Daddy!" I yell out at him, stepping out of the shadows and waving frantically at my father. He doesn't seem to hear me. I shout louder. Still nothing. _Why can't he hear me? _I grow frustrated.

Just as I am about to begin shouting again, I see a man riding by on a bike. He's going pretty fast, and soon enough, I see another man emerge from behind him. I see some black objects in their hands as they ride on each others heals. I squint.

Guns.

"DADDY!" I screamed, jumping up and down, yelling as loud as I could. "Daddy! RUN!"

My father still doesn't hear me and I can feel the tears hot and moist as they stream down my face. I keep my eyes on my father because I know what happens next. My father is getting pretty close to the curb, closer to the street where the men are. I watch him intently, hoping that somehow, he can feel it and will do as I say.

Before long, I hear it. A gun shot, and my father's scream. I'm crying so hard now my vision is blurry and I don't watch my father bleed to death in the cold snow. He won't be found until the morning.

I continue to cry, not even noticing that I'm not outside of the school anymore. When my vision finally clears enough, I see that I am back in the white room. _Why am I back in this stupid room? I hate this. I must be dreaming. _

_Wake up Sam._

_I just want to go home. _

I sit cross legged on the ground. I rest my head on my hands and stare out into the distance at nothing.

"Sam," I hear my name again. This time, it sounds like it's coming from right behind me.

Warily, I turned around. My eyes bug out of my head and my chin drops to the ground as I see the person who said my name.

Markie Sullivan.

Markie Sullivan is _only_ my _favorite_ pro wrestler EVER! I've seen every match she's been in and all of her backstage interviews. I jump up and look at her, still unable to speak. Her longish, curly brown hair floats from her head and rests on her chest. Her hand is on her hip and she is smirking at me.

"Hey Sam. I'm Markie," She says, smirking even wider. She holds her hand out. I try to control my body again, finally getting my hand to shake hers.

"H-hi..." I stutter. "Jeez I sound like a mega dweeb." I mutter, she smiles, obviously hearing me.

"Ha. You're pretty funny," She compliments me and I smile back at her.

"So I hear you're not doing too good..." Markie remarks, raising her eyebrows at me. What in the world is she talking about? Other than the stuff with my par-... er family, I've been fine. Freddie's been taking care of me. I've been fine.

"What are you talking about?" I ask her, giving her a confused look.

"Your anorexia... well anorexia and bulimia on aoccasions-" She starts to go on but I cut her off.

"ANOREXIC? What kinda pills are _you_ on?" My eyes pop wide open again. Who the hell does she think she is? Anorexic? Me? No way. I wouldn't let that happen to me. I'm just testing my control and losing some weight in the process. I mean... what the hell?

"Ummm, Sam, I'm not on any pills. It's pretty obvious sweetie." She says in one of those 'talking to a delusional person' voices. I grow angry.

"Who the _hell_ do you think you are? You don't even _know _me! I am not anorexic. I mean what is up with you grown ups thinking you know every single fact about every single-" I start ranting, ready to completely go off on her, but she interrupts me.

"Sam. Sam stop. Shut up." She says, trying to be reassuring or something like that and touching my shoulder. I glare at her but keep quiet. I'm not stupid, she could kill me.

"Sam, come with me," She says. She doesn't ask, she tells; she turns around and begins to walk away. And me, being the curious little girl I am, I follow.

We're walking and it's still white. After a while, I start to get tired of all the walking.

"Are we there yet?" I whine, dragging my feet.

"Oh don't give me that," She groans, turning around and giving me a stern look, "We'll be there soon enough.

I pout my lip, but continue to walk. And she didn't lie. A few minutes later, I saw a door a few yards away from us. It looks a lot like the door from before and I begin to panic. _Remember what happened last time I went through a door like that? _I shudder. But I have to stay brave. Sam Puckett doesn't back down. Besides, I have to prove to Markie that I am strong and independent.

Markie is leading, which means she's in front of me, when she walked up to the door, it immediately opened. By itself. I tried very hard not to let that freak me out, then I continued in behind her as fearlessly as I could seem.

We walked into a room that looked exactly like mine. In fact, I look closer around, it is mine. I can tell by the song lyrics I wrote all over my dresser and by the pictures in frames in various places around the room. I see my purple and black striped converse and my black and white scarf, along with all of my other accesories, scattered on my dresser top.

"This is my room..." I say, "But It looks different," Last time I saw those pruple and black converse shoes they were in my closet and I rearranged all of my picture frames. Last time I was at my house, that horrid night with my mother, there was stuff everywhere from my frantic packing.

"Yes Sam. I know." Markie says and I wait for her to continue, "This is your room about five months ago." She tells me, turning and giving me a look I can't really read. She walks over and sits on my bed. I continue to stand by the door and the light switch and look at her.

"Why are we in my room? And why in my room from how it was five months ago? What is going on?" I demand, making my voice sound strong and unbreakable. She smirks at me, and I glare right back. Markie's a cool person but she is way to secretive and... like me. It's annoying.

"Wait for it..." She trails off, looking at the door beside me. I start to speak but she holds her finger up, "Five, four, three, two... one," She says and as she says it the door to my bedroom opens. I look at the door and see myself walk in.

Wait.

Myself?

I watch her walk in and see her walk over to my desk and set down a plate. I look closer at the plate and see it's a large piece of ham. After a moment, I can smell it. Usually, when Carly or them try to feed me ham or other greasy foods, I hold my breath and swallow it. This time, I didn't. But when I smelled the hot, juicy ham, I didn't feel queasy like I usually do. I wanted so badly to walk over and eat it. I'm sure I was drooling.

Sam walked over to the closet and began looking through the clothes hanging there. Markie, whom I had forgotten about, suddenly touched my shoulder. There was a mirror across from my closet and Markie walked me over to Sam. She stood me beside her and then turned me around to face the mirror.

Compared to Sam, I was skin and bones.

I couldn't speak. I was too shocked. The room around me changed again and suddenly we were in the white room again. Markie patted my shoulder sympathetically.

"Oh my gosh," I whisper. I'm so small...

But... that doesn't mean I'm anorexic!

Gah the monster inside of me is trying to fool me again...

"Here. I'll show you something a little bit happier." Markie says softly. She snaps her finger and suddenly, I'm in another room. Why do I keep popping up in houses?

I look around and this room isn't really very familiar. The walls are a deep deep red and the carpet is a nice brown that does very well with the walls. It feels very soft, and the room is warm. I look over and see a fireplace. There is a couch and two chairs in the room. I continue to take the room in, as Markie waits beside me.

After a while, two people walk into the room. There is a woman, with blonde hair and blue eyes, and a man with brown hair and brown eyes. The woman is holding a baby, wrapped up in a blanket. She's skinny, she's skinnier than the normal female adult but she looks healthy.

As they get closer, I begin to recognize they're faces.

"Is that ME!" I ask Markie, shocked. "and..." I'm afraid to say the name, "Freddweeb?"

Markie laughs and looks at me, clearly entertained. "Yea Sam. That is you and Freddie. And your daughter." WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY!

I'm going to fall.

I'm going to drop dead to the ground.

I'm going to throw up everything I have ever eaten in my life.

It can't be...

Am I drunk?

I didn't have a baby with...

Please tell me I'm in the twilight zone or something...

Freddly and I...

I think I just dropped my pride.

"Me and... Benson... had a... baby?" I stutter, barely able to get the words out. Did I enter an alternate universe?

As if to confirm my question, Freddie and Sam turn toward each other and Freddie softly touches the baby's cheek.

"Sweet baby, Maya," He leans down and kisses her forehead. I watch as Sam watches him amused and lovingly.

"Sweet little nub," She teases. Okay that is definitely me. He raises his eyebrows and I watch as she uses her other hand to grab his face and kiss him.

Oh. My. Ham.

I'm frozen. As the couple continues on with their night I don't see anything. I hear Markie calling my name. Her voice is slowly becoming fainter and fainter. Suddenly, I'm not in the strange house anymore, I'm in the darkness again.

I don't try to fight it this time. I welcome the darkness. I allow it to erase my thoughts. I just can;t think of this right now. I mean... yeah Freddie is kind of cute... but he's such a nub... A sweet nub but...

I stop myself right there and allow the darkness to numb my brain.

{*Okay you all, just wanted to clear any confusion you might have. If you haven't figured it out, this is while Sam is unconcious and being rushed to the hospital and all. Also, Maya is the name me and my boyfriend would name our daughter (: -Welp, make a great day, Ariel.*}


	15. Chapter 15

**Freddie's POV**

I cannot believe this. I... I just... I don't even know.

I should've stopped her. I should've told someone. I should've gotten her help. If I did she wouldn't be in a hospital bed right now fighting for her life.

She looked so small when the paramedics put her on the stretcher and carried her out of my room. I'm sure either one of them could lift her with one hand and not feel anything.

I just can't believe I was so stupid. This has been going on for _months_, found out about a month ago and I _let_ her keep doing this to herself. I was too afraid to save her life so I helped her sacrifice it.

I was stupid. I wasn't being myself. Normally I would have seen this coming. I would have thought everything through and thought out every possible outcome. I would have saved her. But no, I was too busy trying to make her happy. I would rather have her happy and dead than risk her hating me, but living.

_How could I be so selfish?_

"Fredward Benson?" A voice said, knocking me out of my thoughts. I turned to see a doctor, holding a clipboard and waiting for my reply.

"I'm Freddie," I walked over to the doctor and stared at him hopefully. He looked down at his clipboard one more time then looked back up at me.

"It says here that you were there when Samantha Puckett had the heart attack," He stated, waiting for me to agree. I nodded, not being able to tell the doctor about the horrible thing that happened in my apartment.

"Well, she still hasn't woken up," He said, looking at me sypathetically. "Her... her current weight is 72.63 pounds..." He said, sounding amazed and horrified at the same time.

I couldn't blame him. When my brain processed what he said my eyes must have bugged out of my head and my jaw must have hit the ground. I stared at the doctor as if he'd grown two extra heads. _Almost seventy three pounds? Oh my goodness. If I had known... If I had paid attention... I could've done something..._

_"_Yes," The doctor began talking again, "We have reason to believe that she was... is anorexic. We believe this is one of the factors that caused her heart attack. She might have had a scare or an excitement and her body couldn't handle it so..." The doctor trailed off and I nodded. Her body was too small to handle a type of thing. Her organs were too weak.

"She's still alive right now, just unconcious. She might not make it though. Her body is too weak... too fragile. She would have to have amazing strength to be able to come back from this." The doctor said sadly, his eyes full of sympathy. _No. _I told myself, shaking my head back and forth. _NO._

_"_Sam... Sam is the strongest person I know. She'll make it," I insist. The doctor looks at me sadly, but decides not to remark on that.

"Okay. Well, that's it for now." The doctor says, standing up straight and getting ready to walk away.

I nod, "Keep me posted," I tell him and he nods back, before beginning to walk away.

"You might want to call and tell her family," The doctor turns back around and suggests before turning a corner and disappearing.

_Oh man. I forgot about that. _

_How am I going to tell her mother? Her mother hasn't even talked to her in... _

_**How am I going to tell Carly?** _

I sigh to myself and pull out my phone. I dial Carly's number but think better of it and lock my phone before putting it back in my pocket.

I walk over to the nurse assigned to Sam's room. I give her my number and tell her I'll be right back and to call me _as soon _as _anything_ happens with Sam. She nods and gives me a sad look. I ignore that and walk out of the hospital. I get in the car and put the key in the ignition.

Time to tell Carly and Sam's mom.

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On the way to Sam's house, I turn on the radio to calm my nerves.

_**I made a mistake, yes, I did, yes, I did  
Made a mistake, yes, I did, yes, I did  
Now I'm so far from her, but it was me and my fate  
Who lost because of my mistake  
My trusting her has gone much too late** _

_Ain't that the truth.. _I think and sigh. I stop at a stop light and look around. There's a car to my left with a boy and a girl. The guy is driving but he's holding the girl's hand. They've got the radio turned up loud, something upbeat that I can hear even though they're windows are rolled up. The girl is singing and dancing in her seat and the guy is smiling wide.

**Oh, what a fool I've been tonight  
The girl I love is out of sight  
Now I'm so far from her, but it was me and my fate  
Who lost because of my mistake  
My trusting her has gone much too late**

That could have been me and Sam. She could've been healthy and happy if I had done something. She could've been blasting her favorite music from the stereo as I drive us around the town for no apparent reason. I could be listening to her laughing and hearing her singing. I could be watching her golden hair shine in the sunlight and her blue eyes dance with excitement.

But that might now be able to happen. Instead, her eyes are closed and her hair is limp and pale on the pillow. 

And it's all my fault.

I could have prevented it. But I didn't. I hear honking behind me and realize that the light is green and the couple is gone. I continue driving, a few people who were stuck behind me pull up in front of me and give me 'the bird' but I ignore them.

I finally make it to Sam's house. I don't get out yet. I have to figure out what to do... what to say...

_Hello Ms. Puckett. Remember Sam? Your daughter? Oh yes, well she's laying in a hospital bed right now, all because I didn't stop her from starving herself. _

_Ms. Puckett? Remember your daughter, Sam? The one you kicked out? Yeah well there's a chance she might die from self starvation..._

_Hi. I'm Freddie Benson. No, you don't know me, but your daughter does. In fact, she's in the hospital right now and it's all my fault..._

This will not be easy. I have to do it though. For Sam.

I get out of the car and slam the door. I walk up to the door and lightly knock. I hear shuffling inside the house and I step back to wait.

"Who is it!" A voice yells from the other side of the door. Classy.

"Freddie Benson." I yell back. I hear a latch unlocked and the door is yanked open to reveal a blonde woman who looked a lot like Sam, same blue eyes and everything. She looked pissed.

"Who the _hell_ is Freddie Benson?" She demanded, looking at me in disgust. "What do _you_ want?" She pointed at me.

I swallowed, and my palms began to sweat. I was too afraid to speak, this woman was probably three times more dangerous than Sam and that scared the courage out of me.

"Are you going to speak NerdBoy?" She asks, looking at me like I'm stupid. I summon up all of the courage I have.

"I'm here to tell you that your daughter is in the hospital..." I say in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Which one? Sugar or Spice?" She asks and my mind flashes back to Sam's journal. The black, bold letters printed on there, _Spice._

"Um, Sam. She's in the hospital. She had a heart attack," I tell her, thinking it best to leave out what I had to do with it.

"A heart attack? The little bitch deserves it. She's made my life a living hell. If only she could be more like her sister. Stephenie is such a good girl..." She trails off. Wow, she claims her daughter is so great and she can't even remember her name. What kind of mother is she?

She doesn't even care. How _could_ she? My heart _broke_ when I saw Sam being rushed into the emergency room. And she... she seems like she couldn't care less.

My anger grows. I can feel it bubbling up inside of me, ready to come up. Like word vomit.

"First of all, Your daughters names are Samantha and Melanie. Second of all, what kind of mother _are _you? Your daughter had a _heart attack_. She is lying in a hospital bed _fighting _for her life. You haven't seen her in... weeks. Do you know how hurt she is by that? How much she wishes she had a mother who gave a _damn_ about her? Do you even care? Maybe Sam was never the ideal daughter you wanted, but she tried. It's not like she had a good role model. What happened to that therapy session with Carly? Did you fake that too? Your daughter _needs_ you. She needs you right now, more than ever. She needs _someone._ And if you won't be there for her, I sure as hell will." I turn away from her, going all the way to the edge of the yard before I look back again.

"They say nothing can compare to a mother's love. Thank you for showing me that that's not true." And with that, I get in the car and turn the key. As I drive away I see that Sam's mom is still standing in the doorway.

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On the way to Bushwell plaza, I stop at Groovy Smoothie and pick up a Banana Rama smoothie for Carly, figuring I'll sweeten her up a bit before I break it to her.

I'm still pissed off about the whole Sam's mom thing but driving to the Groovy Smoothie and then driving to Bushwell Plaza calms me a lot.

When I arrive back at Bushwell Plaza, I park the car and enter the building, hurrying through the lobby to avoid Lewbert. Seriously, if I were to run into him right now and he say something... I don't think I could control myself. There is just too much going on right now.

I walk up to the Shay apartment, but stop before I knock. I put the smoothie in my other hand. I can smell the banana. I take a few deep breaths, and then I knock on the door.

I brace myself, somehow thinking she already knows. Carly answers the door a few minutes later, smiling and greeting me. _How did she not hear the ambulance sirens? _

_"_Hey Freddie!" She greets me in her normal happy voice. She looks down and sees the Banana Rama in my hand, "Is that mine?"

I nod silently and hand her the smoothie. She looks at me oddly, probably having something to do with my nervous silence, but steps aside so I can walk in. I don't sit when I walk in and that causes an even weirder look from Carly.

"Freddie, What's going on?" Carly asks. "You're acting... weird." She says, standing in front of the couch. I put my hands in my pockets and refuse to look at her.

" need to talk," I clear my throat,"It's about Sam..."

She instantly becomes suspicious. She looks at me with worry on her face.

"What about Sam! Oh my... Did she get arrested again? Because I _told_ her-" She continues on but I interrupt her.

"No. Carly. You might want to sit down. This is bigger than that." I tell her. She looks at me oddly again but does as I say.

"Freddie, what happened? What's going on?" She asks, looking up at me.

I begin pacing. _Man. I really hope this doesn't become a habit. _Wondering how I can word this.

"Did you hear the sirens earlier? From the ambulance?" I ask her, glancing at her and then resuming my pacing.

"No! There was an ambulance! I told Sam at school that I had to go help Spencer get his licence back! What happened? Who got hurt? Oh my goodness!..." Carly immediately began freaking out. I turned and looked at her sternly, causing her to pause mid sentence.

"Carly. There was an accident," When she heard the word accident, her eyes got wide and tears began to run down her face. "Sam... she had a heart attack. She's in the hospital right now." I say, my voice sounding emotionless and forced even to me. Carly's tears began to come faster and she started sniffling. She wasn't broken yet though.

"But... but she's so young..." Carly cried, her face twisting up in pain. I walked over and sat next to her on the couch. I patted her on her shoulder a few times, not really knowing how to comfort her anymore. I've spent so much time comforting Sam and worrying about Sam that I haven't really had to deal with anyone else. I don't know if it's the same.

Carly rests her head on my shoulder. Normally, this would've maken my boyish hormones go crazy, would've made my heart beat fast and my eyes go wide. But I don't feel anything. Not anymore.

"She's alive," I say quietly, trying to fill Carly with as much hope as I can, "But she hasn't woken up." I'm too afraid to tell her what the doctor said about how Sam might not make it.

Before I can even react, Carly jumps up. "Well let's go!" She exclaims, her voice sounding sad, but hopeful. I get up and start for the door. She grabs her hoodie and her purse, and follows behind me. Out in the hallway, before we could turn the corner, we heard a voice.

"Freddie!"My mom appeared in the doorway, she was still in her work uniform. "Where are you going! It's already seven pm! You haven't taken a tick bath in _weeks!_ Just think about all of the foreign bugs crawling on your skin right. This. Minute!" Mom shudders and looks at me expectantly.

I stop and so does Carly. _Shit. I forgot about mom. _

_"_Later mom. I gotta go somewhere," I say starting to turn the corner but her voice stops me again.

"Fredward Benson, get in this house _now_. I will _not _have you gallavanting around with that little... hussy, in the dark, on a school night!" My mom yells, glaring at Carly. Carly gives me a look and I turn back and face my mother.

"No. Mom, I told you. I have to go somewh-" I start but she cuts me off.

"Did _she_ put you up to this?" She asks, glaring pointedly at Carly again, "I told you Fredward, she's not good for you. She pushed you in front of a moving truck!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air.

I'm starting to get annoyed.

"Look. Carly didn't push me in front of the tru-" She cut me off, _again. _

"She might as well have! And then, while you're still healing from that, she goes and breaks your heart _again! _She's just a... just a little hussy!" She whined. _Man, I am just so tired of this. She treats me like I'm nine years old. I'm seventeen and soon enough, I'll be leaving off for college. And no matter how much she complains or how many strings she pulls, I'm going without her. _

_"_Mom!," I yell, now I'm mad, "Will you just _back_ off! Carly is _not_ a hussy! And no, I'm not running around and doing irresponsible things in the dark on a school night. I am going to the _hospital_. My _friend_, is laying in a hospital bed waiting for me and Carly to get there and be there for her. Now, you can ground me or punish me, or give me tick baths when I get back. But right now, I'm needed elsewhere." I spit out, turning and turning down the hallway, walking down the stairs and through the lobby before she can find her voice and reply.

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When Carly and I get to the hospital, I'm tired. Not physically or anything but... I just went off on two parents, that kind of tires a person. Carly is crying again. She's finally processed that this is real. This really happened. I lead her up to the floor I had left the doctor on and we walk over to one of the nurses,

"Hello, can you tell me where they've put Samantha Puckett?" I ask her politely. She flips to a page on her clipboard.

"Yes, she's in room 1211." The nurse replies, smiling at us before scurrying off. Carly and I head upto Sam's room in silence. The only noise between us being our breathing and her crying and sniffling. We reach the room and stand outside for a moment.

"Are you ready?" I ask Carly, and she nods. We both walk into the white, clean room. I hadn't seen Sam since the ambulance ride. What I saw in her bed shocked me. My heart sunk to my stomach and I got really cold. My palms were sweating and I started to feel dizzy.

She's so small I can barely make out her body from the sheet. As Carly and I walk closer I see that her skin is more of a pale yellow and her hair looks hard and dull.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Carly whispers through her tears. Her crying has doubled and her tears drip down her face and I hear them _plop_ on the ground. I can't speak, my voice is gone. All I see is Sam, lying there, limp and unconcious. There are tons of machines and tubes hooked up to her. She needs them to _breathe. _Because she can't breathe on her own.

Sam was always so strong. She was always so different.. I never thought I would see a day like this. I never thought any of this would happen. I never imagined it. It just... it doesn't seem real. And I hope... I hope it's not. Am I dreaming? Well, this is more of a nightmare. Is this really happening? I just want to open my eyes and wake up from this horrible dream.

But it's not a dream. And I know that far too well. This isn't a nightmare and I won't wake up panting in my bed. I won't wake up to the real Sam, the normal Sam. I won't wake up, because I'm already awake.

Before, it was so easy to pretend that none of this was really happening. So easy to pretend that I would walk into the hospital roonm and Sam would jump up. _"Gotcha Nub!"_ She would yell, catching me off guard as she usually does. It was that easy to pretend this was just another one of her pranks.

But it's not. She isn't going to pop up and yell and smile. She's going to lie in this hospital bed and see if she survives. This isn't a game. This is life. And it happens.

I don't realize I'm crying until I hear Carly speak again.

"You're crying," She said softly, bringing me back to reality

"You are too," I reply with no emotion in my voice.

"Was she... Is she..." Carly struggles to utter the word. I've dreaded this moment.

"Anorexia Nervosa. Bulimia nervosa on occasion." A voice says and I realize that once again, this voice belongs to me. Even I noticed how pained... how far away my voice is. The voice that spoke just now... that wasn't me. _Me_? I don't know where I am anymore. All I know is that wherever I am, I'm looking for Sam.

"I can't believe I didn't notice... I should've known. Some _best friend _I am." Carly groans, putting her hand on her forehead. She looked down at Sam with a sad, guilty look.

Before I could reply, -tell Carly that this isn't her fault, That I've known all about it for the past month, and that it's really _my_ fault- her phone rings.

"Hello?" She says quietly, "Hey Spencer. Hold on for a minute," She holds her phone away and turns to me.

"I'll tell him to come by, and I'll meet him at the door to walk him up here." Carly tells me, and then turns back to her phone.

All of a sudden, I have to get out of this room. Suddenly, I need to do something- something for Sam. Something that will spark a little bit of hope.

"Carly, I'm going to go down to the gift shop," I whisper, trying not to interrupt her conversation. She nods and turns around to face the wall, phone still pressed to her ear.

I make my way down to the first floor gift shop, walking at a brisk pace and looking straight ahead. I just don't have it in me to make polite conversation. I stand outside of the gift shop for a moment and look in. It's very bright, probably meaning to bring hope, and there were tons of stuffed animals and balloons. There were other things in there, chips, gum, knic knacs, and it was mostly empty.

I walked in and saw that the cashier was an elderly woman with light gray hair. There was a woman, who looked to be in her thirties, talking to her, holding a balloon that said 'Good Luck With Your Surgery!' and a small brown bear.

I looked around for a moment, wondering what exactly an anorexic person would want, I mean, there are no balloons that say 'Please eat again,' Or any anorexic bears holding hearts that say 'Don't die for a diet.' No, the gift shops don't focus on things like that. I stop and look at a glass dolphin but keep going because Sam will probably throw it at me when she finds out she's in the hospital. I think about getting her a bear, but it just doesn't seem to be enough.

As I look around, I get closer to the cashier and the woman. They notice my hesitation and confusion and I hear the cashier speak.

"She must be very special to you," the older woman says. I look over at her and see that she's wearing a name tag that says MAYA. She and the woman are looking at me with pleasant smiles and knowing eyes.

"Is she your girlfriend?" The younger woman asks before I can speak. I put the bear down that I was holding and play with my hands. _Why do I always get like this when I talk about Sam?_

"No... I mean... She... she likes to hit me and make fun of me. No, she doesn't even like me..." I tell them, stuttering like a fool and wondering why. The women share a smile and then turn back to me.

"Sonny, back when I was your age, when a girl and a guy make fun of each other and tease each other, it means they like each other." Maya says, trying to hide a small smile.

I could tell these two strangers our story. I could tell them all of the crap Sam and I have been through together, all of the things we shared. I could tell them about our first kiss and about how we were living together until _this_ happened. I could tell them how I feel when I'm around Sam or even what I do. I could tell them how worried sick I am right now about her and what could happen to her. I could tell them that whenever she's away from me I wonder what she's doing and if she's thinking of me while she'd going it. I could tell them everything, and ask them what they think.

But thinking over it just that moment, made me realize that I already know.

"You're right," I tell Maya, "She's very special to me. And I think I should show her."

Maya nods and disappears into a back room. The other woman smiled at me.

"I'm Heidi. And that's my mom." She holds her hand out and I shake it.

"I'm Freddie." I tell her nodding.

"And what's this special girls name?" Heidi asks me.

"Sam," I say, smiling.

Heidi smiles right back, and Maya reappears. She's holding a silver chain and as I lean over and get a good look at it, I see that it's a necklace. It has a small key and a small heart dangling from it. She holds it out and I take it from her, letting it sit in my hand. I see that the heart is actually a locket.

"Wow," Is all I can say. Maya and Heidi smile even wider, watching me with amusement.

"Give her this and put it around one of those giant bears over there. It'll be amazing." Maya tells me, Heidi walks over and picks up a big brown bear and brings it back over. I put the necklace around the bears neck and put the bear on the counter.

"This is perfect. How much will it be?" I ask Maya, pulling my wallet out of the pocket.

"There is no price for true love," Heidi says and Maya nods in agreement. I shake my head and pull a fifty dollar bill out of my wallet. I set it on the counter and Maya reaches her hand out and begins to push it back to me.

"No. No, please take it. You've helped me a great deal and you've made me realize something very important." I tell her and finally she picks up the bill and puts it in her pocket.

"And what would that be?" Heidi asks me and they both raise they're eyebrows.

I take a deep breath before I say the words aloud that I've just now made sense of in my head, "I'm in love with Samantha Puckett. One of my best friends. Sam."

**{Ahh, Freddie finally admits his feelings for Sam! Sure, he admits it to two women he just met... but It's a step forward. Anyway, there was actually a tie in the ****Best review of the Chapter**** contest between ****Distant**** Lands and Mari13ssa. I'd like to thank ALL of you for your reviews though. They help me very much with writing the next chapter and getting it out quickly. The necklace that he's going to give her, there is a picture of it on my profile and on my story tumblr. (Which is: arreyellewebbfanfiction . tumblr . com [Without the spaces])**

**Remember, eight reviews. And maybe you'll win the ****Best review of the Chapter**** award. **

**Also, I'll give a sneak peek to the first person who can tell me the relation of the cashier Maya. Tell me where she's been mentioned before in the story and why. Whoop! So, I hope you enjoyed, R&R! -Make a great day (: Ariel**


	16. Chapter 16

**Third Person POV**

After Freddie met Heidi and Maya, he headed back up to Sam's room with new hope. He'd come in to a stony faced Carly and a still unconcious Sam. He'd walked in and felt it in the air. He plopped the bear in a far corner and sat in one of the chairs next to Carly. When Spencer had arrived he'd given him a silent greeting and gone back to watching Sam, looking for the smallest flicker of movement. Anything to restore hope. Spencer had left after visiting hours were over. Carly and Freddie fought to be able to stay overnight. With a flash of puppy dog eyes and a long list of reassurances, the doctor had agreed. Freddie could tell though, from the polite sympathy in his eyes, that he only let them stay because he too, had given up hope.

Carly slept in the only recliner in the room. Freddie sat in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs for hours, just watching Sam. Long after Carly had fallen asleep he was still watching; still hoping. He hadn't known he'd fallen asleep. He'd been awaken though by the busy hospital sounds and realized someone had draped a blanket over him as he slept. The first thing he did when he opened his eyes was look at Sam. She was still immoble and unconcious. The monitor said that she was still breathing, thanks to all of the machines she was hooked up to.

Freddie stood up and looked over to see that Carly was still asleep. He walked over to Sam's bedside and looked down at her still form. Back at his house, when she slept she looked beautiful. Now, it was too sad.

Her skin was too discolored and her hair was too pale. Her lips were chapped and dull. Her body was too small...

Freddie reached down and carefully put his hand on top of one of hers. It was cold and bony. The skin felt dry, but he didn't move his hand away. All he wants is for her to make it through. And as he softly stroked her hand, he hoped with all of his might that that would cause her to wake up.

But that's a lesson that he'd learned only too well. You can hope and hope and hope for something. You could wish it with all your might. But it's fate's decision. And sometimes, you lose.

He wouldn't stop hoping though. He would hope and he would fight until her heart stopped beating. He would probably continue to hope after that.

He heard a light knock on the wall of the hospital room and he turned around to see one of the last people he thought would show up.

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"I thought about what you said," She said, jumping right to the point. She stepped into the room and ran a hand through her blonde hair. "And you were right. I haven't been a good person. I haven't shown my daughters how much I love them and how much I care about them. Not since their dad died. But I'm going to change that. I am." He didn't say anything and she didn't expect him to because she continued her stride and walked all the way into the room and over to the other side of the bed. She looked down at Sam and he looked at her, across from him, as she did so.

Freddie watched as Pam Puckett looked down at her daughter. Yesterday, the woman was a drunken mess and she was dressed like it too. But today, she looked sober enough and she was wearing the simplest thing he had ever seen her wear- blue jeans and a red long sleeved shirt. She wasn't wearing makeup and as she looked at Sam, Freddie thought he saw a tear fall down her face. She stood up straight and feigned scratching her nose, wiping the tears away. She continued to look down at Sam and hesitantly, she reached down and touched her face. Freddie looked down at Sam as she did so, hoping maybe this interaction with her mother would wake her up.

But she still didn't move.

"Ms. Benson...?" Freddie kept his eyes glued to Sam's face and so did Pam.

"Call me Pam." The woman said softly, running her hands over Sam's pale, brittle hair.

"Can I talk to you... er, Pam?" Freddie asked her, watching her maneuver around the tubes strapped to Sam. He slowly slifted his head and looked at eyes narrowed and her mouth opened to speak but he shook his head.

He reluctantly walked away from Sam's bed and over to the faraway corner of the room. Pam followed looking at him suspiciously the whole time.

"Okay, I'm going to step out on a limb here," He says more to himself, "I want to tell you something... Kind of," He says, looking nervous. He was avoiding her eyes and running his hand through his hair. Pam had seen this multiple times with some of the men she had dated. After her husband died she had tried to 'get back out there' but hadn't had much luck. Many men though, had run their hands through their hair and avoided eye contact, right before breaking up with her or telling her they're married and/or many other things that made them nervous.

"Why are you so nervous? You and Sam aren't dating, are you?" Pam asks, getting defensive and ready to pounce on him if he did anything to her.

"No no!" Freddie said, shirnking back and looking at her with pure fright.

"Then what's your deal Nerdie?" Pam asks, rolling her eyes and growing impatient. Freddie took a deep breath and then stood up straight.

"No. Pam... Sam and I are not dating... But I'd like to..." Freddie admitted, suddenly becoming very interested in his shoes.

"Like to what?" Pam asks.

"I would like to date your daughter, maam." Freddie says nervously, putting his hand on the back of his neck and glancing up at her face but not looking her in the eyes.

"Um," Pam started, taken aback by his formal manner. Freddie shook his head and interrupted her.

"I know what you're thinking. She tortures me all the time... I'm like her own personal punching bag... Seriously, sometimes when the fight is on and Im too close..." He says with a knowing look. .He shakes his head and continues. "Anyway., I'm fine with that. I mean, honestly that's one of the things I love about her. I mean, and there's a list. Believe me, I wrote one last night. But you see-" He continued ranbling but Pam interrupted him.

"Yeah, yeah I get it. Why are you tellng me?" She asks, raising her eyebrow. Freddie blinked and looked at her for a few moments.

"Well... I- I'm in love with your daughter... I just... I wanted to make a better impression than I did yesterday, And even if she does agree and become my girlfriend I wanted to make sure you were okay with it and knew that I would _never, ever_ do anything to hurt your daughter. And I know, I know, keep my hands to myself and all..." He continued. Pam smiled slightly. She couldn't believe how much of her daughter's life she had missed...

"Actually I just realized that I was in love with her yesterday. And I see that, I don't just love her. I'm _in_ love with her and I never even knew it!" Freddie was rambling and he finally looked up to see Pam Puckett smiling widely at him.

If Freddie had learned anything in the years he'd known Sam (and even the few days he'd known Melanie), it was that you can never know what to expect when a Puckett smiles.

He looked at Pam warily as she smiled down at him.

"What?" He asked self conciously. Looking away from her gaze.

"You are such..." She begins, obviously stalling to torture him as much as she can. He braces himself for whatever she says next. Maybe she's still mad from what happened yesterday. Maybe she thinks he's not good for her daughter...

"A dork!" Pam finishes, patting Freddie's shoulder and stepping back. "A cute dork though."

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**Freddie POV**

_Freddie..._

_Freddie, Freddie..._

Her voice is echoing through my head. It's all I hear. I'm staring down at her small, limp body and I can hear her voice in my head.

It would be so easy to pretend that the girl lying in that bed was someone. Someone who wasn't Sam. And someone I wasn't in love with. I could pretend that Sam was actually standing beside me, looking down at the poor girl blabbing on and on about how if the girl had've eaten more meat or fatcakes, none of this would have happened.

But the voice in my head, the Sam in my head, was not the Sam that would do something like that. This Sam, is the Sam that had been calling my voice. The dream Sam. Last night, I had an uncomfortable and long night sleeping on an uncomfortable hospital chair. It was one of those cheap living room chairs that they tried to make look like it was actually comfortable but once you try to sleep on it, you know it's not.

Anyway, last night, I had the dream again. But this time, it was different.

_**"Freddie?" A voice called to me. It was like I just opened my eyes. I looked around me and realized I was in a forest. It was dark and dreary, I could feel the sorrow and the dark mood of the forest, in the air. It fell upon my shoulders, like a cloak of sadness. The trees covered the sky and when I looked up, all I saw were the leaves and branches of the trees. **_

_**There were no cute little forest animals like there usually are in commercials. In fact, the forest was unusually quiet. The only thing I could hear was my own breathing and movement. I sucked in a shocked breath when I heard the voice again. **_

_**"Freddie I need you," The voice carried to him in a whisper, the shuffle of the wind putting the words right in his ear. I felt a sudden sense of deja vu. I looked around. This place does seem kind of familiar...**_

_**Suddenly, I saw light out of the corner of my eye. It was bright compared to the darkness of the forest and it was compelling me forward. It's sense of bright, normalness, and warmth made me want to get out of this dark, sad place and experience what was there. **_

_**I didn't realize I was running until I looked down and saw my feet moving- right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot. It was a steady beat but I could tell I wasn't walking. It was one of those slow, dreamlike runs- making me feel as if if I didn't get to the light in time, it might disappear. **_

_**As I neared the light, I saw that I couldn't see past it- all it was was a bright wall of light. I hesitated before continuing forward and into the light. **_

_**As I stepped through into the other side of the brightness, I saw that I was in a white room. The brightness of the room was irritating my eyes a little as I looked around, searching for anything that might be in this white room. **_

_**I saw something ahead... a bed? I slowly and carefully began walking forward, curious to see what a bed had to do with anything and what -if anything- the bed might hold. The bed seemed to be so far away and I wondered if it was really a room I was in. After discovering that walking wasn't fast enough for my curious eyes, I broke into a run. Another slow, dreamlike run that only made me more irritated. **_

_**When I was only about twenty meters away from the bed, I slowed to a walk and focused more on seeing the bed. As I got closer though, the scene changed. Suddenly, it wasn't a bed I was walking to... it was a casket. The top of the casket was up and I saw people on the other side, peering over the top- Carly, Spencer, Gibby, Wendy, I even saw Sam's mom there, looking over, tears falling vigorously down her face. They were all crying, and as I got closer they looked up at me. Their faces turned from sad and grieving to angry and accusing. They all glared at me.**_

_**"I can't believe you," Carly sneered, looking at me as if I was vermin. **_

_**"So selfish..." Wendy added, her glare almost as intense as Sam's usually was.**_

Sam.

_**I just now realized that she wasn't standing peering over the edge of the casket at the person who lay there. **_

_**"No," I whispered, refusing to believe it. I walked forward, so I could peer in and see what I was hoping was someone I didn't know. As I neared the casket they all began talking at once, I heard names such as jerk and asshole, but I ignored them. As I reached the casket all of their voices began melting together untl they were nothing buta hum in the background. **_

_**I looked in the casket and saw none other than,**_

_**Samantha (Sam) Puckett. **_

_**She was skin and bones. Literally. Her hair was pale and hard looking, her lips were glued together, and her bue oceany eyes were nowhere to be seen. Her eyelids lay over them because they would never appear again. **_

_**Standing there, looking at the girl of my dreams in a casket, and listening to the low hum of voices, all voices that hated me, I just couldn't take it. **_

_**"Freddie, I love you…" Her voice echoed inside my now too silent head as I sank to the ground, my head in my hands as the tears broke through. **_

I had woken up to a dark hospital room and a sleeping Carly and an unconscious were sliding down my cheeks as I tried to convince myself that it was just a dream.

_Shh, it's alright. She's alright. She'll **be** alright. _

No one was awake then, and I had fallen back asleep, crying and hoping.

Now, I stood here, looking at her, with that same hope.. that same determination. I know she will make it out of this. She's strong. She can do this... She can...

"Hey," A voice says behind me and, reluctantly, I turn to see Carly standing and looking at me with a polite but still obviously sad look.

"Hey," I nod to her, and turn and glance at Sam again.

"Your... your mom is here..." She says, trailing off.

"Okay." I say, not taking my eyes off of Sam's face.

"She's outside of the curtain." She says. _What? Is she still talking about my mother?_

_"_Okay,"

"Well, are you going to go talk to her?" She's starting to get annoyed, I can tell.

"Nope," I let the 'p' pop.

"She's your mother!"

"Which is why she would understand!"

"No, she wouldn't," I say darkly.

"Well, you never know until you try..."

"I'm not going."

"It's just outside!"

"And...?"

"Dammit Freddie!" She says louder and I turn around and give her a confused look. _Carly doesn't cuss. Like, ever. _

"What," I say innocently.

"Get over there and talk to that woman! She's been glaring at me from the moment she walked in, she's certain I have something to do with the reason you're here and she 'demands' to see you or she'll call the cops for sexual harassment." Carly sighs, walking over and plopping into te uncomfortable chair.

"Sexual harassment?"

"I don't even know but I can _not_ deal with that right now," Carly says, putting her hands over her forehead.

"Okay, Okay. I'll go talk to her but watch Sam. If _anything_ and I mean _anything_ happens, come get me." I tell her, reluctantly walking out of the room. I can still hear the machines next to her bed keeping her heart rate. I hear the steady beat, the steady beeping. I focus only on that as I walk out from behind the curtain and see my mother standing, front and center, waiting for me.

"Oh Fredward! I'm so glad you're okay!" She exclaims, pulling me into a huge bear hug. As I gasped for breath all I listened out for was the _beep...beep_ of the machine.

"Er, hi," I say awkwardly, still listening out for the beep. _The walls of this hospital aren't very deep..._

_"_Come on, Fredward. We are going home _right now."_She orders, grabbing my hand and trying to pull me from the room. I snatch my hand back and she turns to look at me, shocked.

_Beep... beep._

"Mom, I'm not leaving. _Sam is in the hospital_." I look at her. What is wrong with her? The love of my life is lying in a hospital bed and she wants me to _leave?_

"Samantha? _She's _the reason you're here? That blonde haired demon? Why do you care? All of the stuff she's done to you over the years?" My mother asks, looking at me with a puzzled look. I stand up taller and look her directly in the eye.

"Mother, Sam is my _friend_. And she's lying in that hospital bed, fighting for her life," I pause.

_Beep... beep._

_"_And you expect me to just _leave_ her?... I thought someone as overprotective as you would... would understand... When someone you care about is **hurt**, you don't just leave them behind. And I'm not going to leave Sam. I am going to stand by her side, _no matter what. _And I won't let **anyone**, even you, stop me from being with her," I say, looking at her firmly. After I moved out, she's been, more or less, easier to handle. She knows that she can't push me too far and I know that she will always try.

My mother looked at me for a moment, with an expression that looked like a mix of angry, wary, and proud. I returned her gaze with one steady and strong.

_Beep, beep, beep, beep. _

_What?_ I turned, ready to run and see what happened but my mother's hand shot out and stopped me.

"Fredward, I understand that you want to be here for your friend. And I won't force you to abandon her-" Her sentence was interrrupted by a cry from next door.

"Freddie!" A voice that sounded a lot like Carly's called out for me.

_Beep beep beep beep beep beep. _

The heart beat sounded frantic, as if it might stop any second and once again I turned to go to the door to go back to Sam's room. My mother, ran and beat me there, spreading herself out to block my exit.

"Just... let me finish," She said catching her breath. I waited impatiently, "I _won't _force you to abandon her. I'm proud that my son has such a heart to care for people who treat him wrong. And-" She kept going on and on but I couldn't hear her anymore.

"Freddie! Freddie!" Carly kept shouting and I listened hard and heard other voices- a nurse, Sam's mom (back from the cafeteria). The heart rate machine was going crazy, beeping alarmingly fast. I looked at my mom, still going on.

"You will come immediately home. No more of that webshow for a while-" I stopped listening, concentrating again on Sam's room as she jabbers on.

Finally, Carly sticks her head out to look at me.

"Freddie! She's-" She starts but stops when she hears the beeping noise behind her. We both look to her side of the curtain. I feel my heart... breaking. I'm not used to this feeling...I feel an ache in my chest and my knees are weak. I feel the tears forming and slipping over my eyelids. I ignore my motherand push through her and Carly's hands into the room just as the final beep sounds- the one that indicates the stopping of a heart.

_-_

_**{Cliffy cliffy. Sorry. What happens next **_**will****_ surprise you... Read on. Eight reviews please. Happy Holidays - Ariel}_**


	17. Chapter 17

Have you ever had that feeling in the pit of your stomach? That feeling of emptyness and pain? Like you've been fighting for something for so long, just to lose.

Well the feelings I'm having are worse than that.

The tears won't stop and my stomach feels empty, and pained. It's like my heart is trying to eat my body up until it's nothing. I feel like I have no reason to... to continue without Sam. I feel like my whole world has just fallen apart right in front of my face and I had to watch it happen.

The nurses made us leave the room.. I didn't want to. I fought to stay but it was hopeless. If I wanted her better, if I wanted them to save her, they wouldn't let me stay around to watch it.

The way the doctor looked at me as I sobbed over Sam's body when he walked in... it was obvious he had no hope for the corpse in front of him. It was obvious he thought that since her heart stopped she was gone.

But I won't allow myself to think like that. Until I have a final, _final_ word, it's not over. She **will** pull through. That doctor obviously does not know how strong she is and he would never understand her or her strength.

I was standing on a thin line. I knew that the line would break and so would I if.. if the situation turned out badly. So she has to get better. She has to.

We've been out here for nearly an hour. No one has stopped crying. I don't know about my mom. After what happened my tears blurred my vision and the only thing I cared to look at was the path to the nearest chair. I hoped she was gone. She may be my mother but... she crossed a line. And we both know it.

I could faintly hear Spencer attempting to soothe Carly but he wasn't succesful, mostly because he couldn't stop the sobs coming from himself either.

My heart was slowly shattering more and more by the minute.

Love is a fragile thing. And so is love. When you love someone as much as we all love Sam, and your only option left for them is to hope, the only thing you _can_ do is hope. And when your hope is crushed, and your heart is broken, you start to feel like everything you've been fighting for, everything you've been hoping for is all going down the drain and there's nothing you can do about it.

**Third Person POV**

Freddie tried to stay strong, while he was in there listening to her heartbeat earlier, he tried his hardest to be strong for Carly and Pam and everyone else. When he heard her heart stop, every piece of strength he was holding, crumbled.

He was almost as broken as Sam.

Sometimes, in order to understand someone's actions or someone's words or someone's life, you have to take a step in their shoes and look at things from their perspective. Freddie never realized how much pain Sam was in. He never understood her dislike of her body. How could someone so beautiful make herself feel so ugly?

Was she grieving? Was she insane?

He couldn't even imagine what she had to go through to choose the path that could only lead to self destruction.

It was just so unlike her. She shouldn't be here. She should be asleep on Carly's couch with a chicken leg hanging out of her mouth. This isn't Sam. Sam is the queen of eating, so how could she just stop? How could she turn into someone so unlike herself? Grieving can do some pretty crazy things to you. Losing someone you love can change you, for the better, or for the worse.

That's what Freddie did when he was sad. He tried to distract himself by making sense of things in his head. Mind games and problem solving would distract his brain and help him forget about why he's sad.

But he didn't want to forget _her_. He wanted to hold her memory in him, from a time when she was happier, carefree. When death and drama hadn't changed her so much. He wanted to memorize her scent, which varied sometimes but usually had a hidden scent of ham. He wanted to see her blue eyes sparkle and dance. Feel her plump, slightly chapped, but soft lips on his. He wanted to savor every memory of her. Maybe if he remembered everything...

His heart ached with raw pain and his brain was spinning from the emotion he'd let out. His butt hurt from the uncomfortable hospital chair and his ears were wary of the sobbing noises and chattering in the background.

Just when he was about to go crazy, the doctor appeared.

"Are you the friends and family of Samantha Puckett?" He asked, looking at their small, depressed group. They nodded their heads and stared at the doctor.

"I'm Doctor Grey." He started and then flipped to a page on his clipboard, "She's back," It's funny how those two words planted seeds of hope in all of their hearts, "It was a miracle actually. She was dead, technically, for about a minute, and then her heartbeat started up again and... she's awake," He smiled at the group, "She's requesting you all."

"Oh my goodness!" Ms. Puckett exclaimed, wiping the tears from her face and jumping up. "Let's go," She urged. Carly, always polite, thanked the doctor and then hurried to follow Pam. Everyone else walked back to the room, but with new found hope.

**Freddie POV**

When we walked in, it was like the broken pieces of my heart, were suddenly warming, and moving, trying to fit themselves back together. I didn't know how long that would take. What if she turns me down? If that happens, I don't know if the pieces will _ever_ heal if that happens.

All I know, is I'm going to bask in this moment. I'm going to let the comforting fact that she's alive, sink into my brain. Maybe she idn't better, maybe she isn't completely healthy again; But I'm going to help her. Even if she doesn't want me to. One step at a time.

Once we were all on her side of the curtain, she glanced in our direction. Her head was laid back but she tried to give us a weak smile. Her mother rushed over to Sam and hugged her, trying not to hurt her. Carly rushed over to the other side and took Sam's hand and they shared a smile before Sam turned back to her mom- who was babbling apologies 'Baby I am so sorry' 'I can't believe how I treated you' 'I've been such a horrible mother' 'Are you okay?' her words were coming fast, so fast Sam didn't have a chance to reply.

Spencer and I stood back from the bed a little bit, letting the ladies have their time, being gentlemen.

After a few minutes of Pam's babbling Sam finally interrupted her.

"Mom, MOM." She said a little bit louder. Her voice still sounded weak, "It's fine. I'm fine. I forgive you. Just stop talking!" She demanded and smiled around the room, her mom, Carly, Spencer, and then me.

Her eyes rested on me for a moment and I saw a flicker of something in her eyes that I couldn't name. It seemed like a cross between guilt and embarrasment. I felt my expression morph into confusion but before I could say anything she turned back to her mom and Carly, who were talking to her.

I felt a hand pat my back and I looked at Spencer, he smiled at me and held his fist out and I smiled back and pounded my fist against his.

It would be a while until Sam would be the same Sam she was, but I was fine with that. Because as I watched her talk animatedly with Carly and Pam, putting as mich movement in as she could, I could see the sparkle in her eyes.

The sparkle I hadn't seen in months.

The sparkle I thought I'd never see again.

She's back.

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**Two Days Later – Freddie POV**

It's been a couple days since Sam... woke up? Came back? Anyway, they're going to keep her here for a week or two because she's still healing from medical diseases and they're trying to deal with her eating disorder. They're force feeding her. The first few times, her body didn't react well and she threw it all up. That's normal though, the doctor says. The absense of food for so long can do that.

Over the past two days, Carly and Pam finally shut up and I got some time to talk to her, of course we weren't alone because Carly and Pam were just sitting in hospital chairs watching spongebob on the overhead TV. But it was still nice. I asked her how she was feeling frequently and I knew she was getting annoyed by it but I just had to make sure.

I want to tell her how I feel. Soon. I want her to leave this hospital, safe in my arms, knowing she can stay there for as long as she'd like. But it won't be like that. Because, thin or not, she's still Sam Puckett. She doesn't do sappy, romance movie stuff like that. For some reason, that made me want her evern more. I love her just the way she is. I wouldn't change her.

The bear I got from Maya and Heidi, still sat in my car, I didn't want to put it in her room because I wasn't quite ready to give it to her yet. I wanted to wait until I could be alone with her, and I wanted to admit my feelings.

That was hard to do, kids at school had learned of her heart attack, not of her disorder (we had all been ordered and threatned not to tell a soul) and were visiting her all day. Wendy came by multiple times during the day, very concerned about Sam. Wendy is always nice like that. Sure, she has a Sam side, where she and Sam throw stuff at people and pull multiple pranks, but she also has a Carly side; soft and girly, sweet and thoughtful. She's even been on iCarly a few times, she always fit right in, laughing and joking along with Carly and Sam and even helped us with iCarly ideas multiple times.

Wendy is a good friend. Like Gibby. He also spent large amounts of time here, always showing up with something positive to say and something funny to make Sam laugh and make her forget that he's visiting her in a hospital.

She wants to go home. Actually she wants to 'get the hell out of here'. She says it's too depressing and too boring. The doctor's won't let her walk because she's so small and they're still trying to discover and cure health problems.

Carly and I got special permission to stay with her, Carly slept on the pull out and I spent each night on the uncomfortable hospital chairs. My back is killing me because of them but I don't want to leave Sam.

I'm so afraid that what happened could happen again. I'm terrified. I just... I wouldn't be able to handle that kind of pain again. It's like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and I can't breathe. A suffocating feeling.

She just... she can't go. I'd miss her too much. My heart would ache too much and my life would be too empty; too quiet, too boring, too... un-Sam-ish. She's apart of me now, she has her own part of my heart and if she were too leave she'd be taking part of me with her.

I'm breaking all of the rules. The rules of Sam. Like 'Don't become too attatched'. Sam is independent. If she wants to leave, she'll leave. If she doesn't want you around, she won't be around you. Everyone knows that Sam, she could disappear whenever she wants. And if you become attatched, it'll hurt too bad.

It was hard though, not becoming attatched to her. She was an unforgettable person. Undescribable. Unbelieveable. And Unattained.

But Sam wasn't like the other girls. There was something about her- the way she can read me like an open book; or how she can make me feel this feelings... this undescribable, unimaginable feelings; or maybe it's how she has a 'no shit' policy. She was frank, right to the point. If she didn't like you, you knew as soon as you met her. She doesn't take any one's crap. But she plays games.

She enjoys playing games. Like the game between the two of us. The game that wouldn't end, no matter what. She enjoyed it too much, and I knew it. Because I enjoy it too.

That was the thing about her though, she played so many games. She had a permanent poker face. She didn't show feeling.

She'd shown feeling for me.

She'd cried in my arms. She'd slept in the same bed as me. Shared a secret with me that she couldn't even tell Carly.

She'd trusted me.

I don't know if any of these still count. I don't know if she'll do like she usually does, pretend it never happened and beat me if I ever mentioned it (kind of like she did with the kiss). She was too defensive. She built these walls up around her heart. It was like these walls had windows and a door. She had allowed Carly to stand just inside, near the wall; and me to stand in the doorway, but she didn't let me go past that. She didn't trust, and she tried so hard not to feel.

I wanted to be the one who was allowed to walk through the door. All the way inside. I wanted to be the one to teach her how to love. I wanted to protect her and love her and want her for the rest of our lives.

But I guess I'm too young for that.

I shouldn't be feeling like this. These emotions are wrong. They'd creep normal people out. They'll say it's just infactuation or just a crush.

But they don't know. There were plenty of times Sam and I had hung out without Carly. Hell, she's been living with me for the past month. They don't know how it feels when Sam gets cold at night and rubs her feet against me leg. They don't know what it's like to wake up to her golden locks and head thrown across my chest. They never witnessed the times when my mom wasn't home and Sam would get bored and turn my radio on. They never saw her thrashing her body around and swinging her blonde curls in the air as she danced happily to whatever came on. They've never felt her hand wrap around mine as she pulls me up to dance along with her. Or the completely at ease and happiness feeling when we fall onto my bed, laughing and tickling each other.

They don't know how it feels to look back over memories like this and realize, that you are absolutely in love with that person.

Now maybe I'm still 'too young', but the way I see it, 'puppy love' and 'infatuation', have nothing on **that** feeling.

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**Two days Later – Freddie POV**

I have had no success in trying to tell Sam how I feel. Everyone has always been _interrupting_. It's starting to get really annoying. By the late afternoon I was really frustrated. Everyone was giving me weird looks, probably because of my huffing and sighing and mumbling.

Carly, Gibby, Wendy, and I sat in chairs by Sam's bed. They had all been talking about something that I wasn't paying attention to. I was trying not to glance at Sam every two minutes but wasn't having very much success.

I could feel Carly glancing at me every once in a while with a confused look.

Carly stood up. Sam and I looked at her, Carly looked at me with a suspicious look. She pushed her chair back and walked over to the side I was standing on. Oh crap.

"Freddie can I talk to you for a minute? Outside?" She asked sweetly. She started walking without looking back, knowing I would follow. Gibby and Wendy both had their eyebrows raised and they looked at me suriously. I smiled at them and then followed Carly to the other side of the curtain.

"Okay what's your deal?" Carly blurted as soon as the curtain fell closed. She crossed her arms and gave me her most intense stare.

Holy chizz.

"I... I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really Freddie? You don't? Because you've been acting awfully strange lately. Muttering to yourself and grumbling, sighing all the time. You're acting like you lost some kind of fight."

I took a deep breath, but before I could speak she spoke again.

"And what's up with the way you're acting around Sam? And why are you always looking at her wih that... weird look?... and..." Her expression became very concentrated. I opened my mouth to speak again but she held up a finger, and then placed that finger on her chin, looking around as if the answers to all of her questions were floating around in the air.

Suddenly, she jumped and smiled at me, but a look of nervousness and self doubt wiped that smile right off of her face.

"Do you...?" She started but trailed off, shaking her head. She began to pace, she walked back in forth in front of me.

"You don't...?" She tried again but got a frustrated look.

"Carly, spit it out." I said, sticking my hands in my pockets. Busted.

She stopped pacing and looked at me.

"Do you like Sam?" She quickly looked away from my eyes and suddenly became very interested in her shoes.

Seceret's out.

I waited for her to look at me and then nodded, "Yeah I do. A lot."

She smiled really wide and jumped again. She slapped me on the shoulder.

"Oh my gosh! You like Sam!" She exclaimed.

I laughed, "I have for a while actually. I just never realized it until I almost lost her." My smile wavered.

"Aaawww," Carly got this goofy look on her face and put her hands together over her heart. I rolled my eyes.

"Wait," Carly said after a moment, her smile dropping and her face taking on an expression I'd never seen on her. Was it... regret? Jealousy? Curiosity? Or a mix of the three? "What about me? I thought you liked me..." She glanced away from me for a moment before looking back at me and searching my eyes.

Two years ago, when we were fifteen, I would deny every feeling I had for Sam and jump at the opportunity to ask Carly out right now.

My heart would flutter at her expression and I'd take it all back, and propose my love for her, again.

But this isn't two years ago. Somewhere along, in these two years, my feelings for Carly have subsided. I've grown up a lot, I've learned what qualities I like in a girl and I've learned how it feels to truly care about someone and to almost lose someone. Somewhere in these realizations... I lost Carly. I lost the feelings I had for her. Now she's more like a sister to me.

"That's the thing." I started, "I _liked_ you. _Liked_ being the keyword. No offense or anything. It's just... she's Sam. And I know one of the big rules about her is to not grow too attatched and don't fall for her and all but... I couldn't help it. Believe me, I **was** shocked. I still am. But now that I look back at all that she and I have gone through and all of the feelings I feel around her, I don't know how I missed it. The obvious spark between us. I think she feels it too but she's... stubborn." I sigh, "I... I love her."

Carly gasps, and I feel like I'm about to get hit. It's the intensity in the air, weighing down on me, somehow signaling me that something big (and something possibly painful) is coming up. I take a step back but she doesn't move. She just stares at me with a shocked look on her face.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, I finally hear her speak in a voice barely above a whisper. "I shouldn't be surprised." And then she breaks into a smile. She laughs softly. "We _all_ knew it would happen..." She trails off.

Wait, _what?_

_"_What do you mean you _all_ knew it would happen? Who is _all?"_

Carly blushed, "Everyone,"

"EVERYONE! _I_ didn't even know and 'everyone' has known for.. how long?"

"For... ever. Ever since you two met and started torturing each other. It was inevitable."

"Inevitable?" I feel the anger sinking out of me and it's replaced with shocked realization. How does everyone else know how I felt before I did? How did they...

I'm so confused.

"Oh shut up. Just get in there and tell her how you feel!" Carly exclaimed, excited again. Typical Carly. Anxious to help, even when it's none of her business. Matchmaker Carly, and thanks to my big mouth, Sam and I are her next project.

She pushed me back through the curtain. As we walked through, Sam looked at us curiously, and once again, as it had happened many times this week, her eyes met mine and neither of us could bring ourselves to look away.

I was snapped out of my reverie by Carly, who kicked me, laughed, and then walked back over to the bed, where Gibby and Wendy were. I walked over too and sat in my original seat, across from Carly. She gave me a look that said _It's time. _

I replied with a look that said _Not in front of everyone. She'll kill me. _

"Hey Gibby, Wendy, wanna go with me to get some lunch?" Carly asked sweetly.

"Lunch? Lunch! Sam that reminds me... the other day Wendy and I were..." Gibby continued on as Wendy smiled and threw in random words and sentences of the story. At one point they got into an argument over who had dropped the milk and I took the chance. Maybe I could get her to let me talk to her and make them go away.

"Sam can I..." She looked at me as I spoke but I was interrupted by Wendy and Gibby, who had solved the argument and were now launching back into the story.

I shot Carly a desperate look and she gave me a sympathetic look. Basically, I'm on my own.

"Sam..." I tried again, but once again, they continued talking. Suddenly, Gibby stood and pulled his shirt off, he threw it at Wendy and said,

"No, Jake was talking to _me!"_

Wendy threw the shirt off of her and tossed it onto the floor with a disgusted face. "So Jake was telling _you_ you had pretty eyes?" She crossed her arms.

"Sa-"

"Duh!"

That's it. I can't... I have to...

This is crazy. Is it this hard to tell people how you feel? Ugh.

As Gibby and Wendy's voices continued on, and Sam and Carly's voices added to them, my frustration grew to a highly dangerous level.

I knew Sam would kill me for this. Maybe that was why I was doing it. Maybe I wanted to prove to her that I was brave, that I would stand against her. Or that I wasn't afraid to speak my mind.

Whatever the reason, It didn't stop me from my next outburst. I yelled so loud people could probably hear me in the other rooms, but I didn't care, I only needed one blonde headed demon to hear me, "SAM PUCKETT," She looked at me, her eyes widened in shock, "I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU."

**Eight reviews please. Sorry if it's a little OOC, it had to be done. Make a great day. - Ariel. **


	18. Chapter 18

"Am I interrupting something?" A voice said from the curtain and everyone but Sam and Freddie turned around to see who it was.

A girl who looked a lot like Sam stepped inside of the curtain and raised her eyebrows. She had the same blue eyes and the same blonde hair as the other two Puckett's here in Seattle. The only difference between her and Sam was that she had a lot more meat on her body.

"Mel?" Sam asked, without looking away from Freddie. She knew that voice anywhere.

Melanie stepped deeper into the room and began to walk over to Sam's bed. Sam was still glaring at Freddie and Melanie could see Sam's knuckles were pale and shaking. She walked right up to Sam's bedside and put her hand on Sam's.

"Hey Sis," She said, looking down at Sam, but she continued to glare at Freddie.

When Sam didn't say anything, she whispered, "I'm home,"

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Sam Puckett was mad. Actually, she was beyond mad, she was _pissed_. Maybe even beyond pissed off. Her anger completely erased all of the embarrassment she should be feeling and she felt her body start to shake and get very warm.

She glared at Freddie with as much hate as she could put into it. _Who the __hell__ does that nub he think he is? She could feel her blood racing and her hands curled into fists. He can't do something like this to _me_! And not while I'm in a freaking hospital bed!_

Her body was shaking vigorously and her breathing was shallow. She couldn't look away from him. All she saw was _him. _She felt like she was seeing red.

All she wanted to do was hurt him. Hurt him as much as she hurt him; _break his heart_ like he was breaking hers. But she can't do that, because love is a fragile thing. He broke the rules. You aren't supposed to play with love.

And you aren't supposed to use it for some kind of twisted revenge.

Part of her wanted to blame herself, was she really _that_ bad? Was she so bad that she deserved this? Was she so bad that he had to take advantage of the fact that she is gentle with her heart, take advantage of the fact that so many guys have hurt her before? He _knows_ how he feels about that. He _knows_ how much she wants a guy to love her _for her_. He _knows_.

_So why would he do something like this to me? Why did this happen to me? Why do I deserve this? First, I loose my dad, and I almost lost my mom, and now he wants to do _this_?_

She wanted to fall to her knees and cry. She wanted so much to just cry, all day until she couldn't cry anymore. 

She wanted to hurt him. She wanted to take out all of the anger and sorrow she was going through right now on him. She wanted to place him in her shoes and make him see how _she_ feels.

She was foolish, allowing herself to trust him so much. She _tortured _him, and he was nothing but nice to her. She should've seen it coming. She should have known that he would want some kind of revenge. She mentally kicked herself for being so stupid.

But she was a _Puckett_, and she wouldn't let him get to her, not right now. She was far too pissed off to indulge in her self pity.

So instead, she spat out in the most venom filled, cold, and heartless tone she could, "_Get out!"_

She didn't care if she was too mean when she said it. She didn't care about the hurt look on his face as he stared at her. She didn't care about the hopeful look in his eyes. She didn't _care_. She just wanted to crawl in a freaking hole and cry. She didn't want to have to deal with anything anymore- people, school, weight, love, _nothing_. She was _tired. _And this time, she wasn't tired because she was 'sick' in a hospital bed; she was tired of life and the complicated shit.

Freddie was still standing there, staring at her. _Does this kid have a freaking death wish?_ Se launched up in her hospital bed and attempted to wrap her hands around his neck but he jumped back at the last second. She fell back onto her pillows in pain, wondering if any of the cords were ripped off of her but she didn't care. She continued to glare at Freddie, hoping he would just leave.

She didn't hear anyone say her name when she lurched for him, but she knew that they were yelling, she had just blocked them all out. Now though, she heard Melanie loud and clear even though her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Maybe you should just leave. For a while."

_Yes just leave. Forever. I can't __take__ this. Please, just leave. _ Sam begged in her mind, but not loosening the glare on her face.

She watched as Freddie's shocked look turned into a sad one, he slowly and reluctantly turned around and made his way to the other side of the curtain.

_Serves you right, asshole. _

_._

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_._

Freddie Benson was feeling a large mixture of emotions. Embarrassed at his outburst, proud that he finally admitted it, confused, angry, devastated… the list could go on. He knew that he got it easy; he knew that when she got the chance she would make him pay, big time.

What he did was stupid, _everyone_ knew that, but he was frustrated. At the time, he didn't know how else to express his feelings. At the time, the consequences didn't seem so bad.

Not that he would ever admit it, but he had hoped to himself that it would turn out differently. He pictured himself yelling that he loved her and her jumping into his arms (though that's currently not possible) and kissing all over his face and telling him that she felt the same way. He expected her to be awed by his bravery and his willingness to tell the whole world (or their closest friends) that he loved her.

Now, that fantasy seemed more like… a fantasy. He chuckled to himself at how stupid he was to believe something like that could happen. She was _Sam_.

And he was Freddie. He tells one girl he likes her, she turns him down for years; he tells another girl that he loves her and she tries to choke him.

_I know I'm not the hottest guy out there, I know I don't have the body of that wolf guy from Twilight, or a very attractive face. I already know that. But why am I so undesirable? Sam is __the one__. I __**know**__ it. But she won't come near me for weeks now without trying to kill me. _

_I screwed up. I fell in love with a beautiful girl, and I expected her to love me back. She may __never__ love me back. _

_But that won't stop me from trying. I will fight for her until the day I die. _

Some might think that he was stupid for continuing to pursue a girl who might never love him. They were complete opposites, she was the predator and he was the prey. They were so wrong.__And yet, they were so _**right**_**. **

"_**I shouldn't be surprised," **_Carly had said. _**We **__**all**__** knew it would happen…"**_

If everyone else saw how perfect they are for each other, then why can't she? Why must she remain stubborn and blind?

Freddie didn't realize he was standing in front of the gift shop, he didn't even realize that he was pacing and mumbling to himself. He was shaken out of his thoughts when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked around and realized that he had been pacing right in front of the gift shop and he turned to see Maya smiling at him.

"Hey there… Freddie. Come on in," She pulled him inside and to the register before he would say anything. She walked around to the other side and propped her elbows on the counter, setting her head down in her hands and giving him her full attention.

"Now what's on your mind? Did something happen with that girl you were telling me about?"

"Well… It's a long story…" He hesitates, looking at Maya and wondering if he should really load all of his problems down on her.

"And I've got nothing but time." Maya smiles a warm smile at him and winks. He smiled back at her, just a small one, and told her _everything_.

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Soon after Freddie left, the room had grown very quiet and the air in the room was way too awkward for anyone to handle. Wendy and Gibby had mumbled their excuses and left quickly. Carly had told Melanie that her mom was downstairs in the cafeteria and she had also left.

Then it was just Carly and Sam, like it always had been. It was silent for a few minutes, Sam seemed to be still fuming to herself and Carly was wondering where Freddie was and how he was doing and how she could fix the situation at hand.

She hated seeing her best friends like this, angry and depressed. She _hated_ it. She longed to break the silence between her and Sam but she didn't want her to shut her out too.

Finally, after what seemed like a century, Sam spoke up. "I can't believe he was such an asshole."

Carly's eyes almost bugged out of her head when she heard Sam. Was she _serious?_

"Sam, what are you talking about? He just admitted that he's in love with you!" Carly shrieked, looking at her friend with shocked eyes.

Sam snorted, "Please. We both know that that was just his twisted way of getting back at me for torturing him for all these years. That was a little mean though; even I wouldn't break someone's heart like that." She whispered the last part and avoided Carly's eyes.

"Sam, are you on drugs too? Are you blind? Can you _not _see how crazy that boy is about you?"

"Puh-lease! He doesn't like me. He's just now getting over you!"

"Are you serious?"

"Are you!"

Carly sighed, "I can't believe you don't see it. Look, when this whole thing popped up," She referred to Sam's disorder, "I was hurt. I was _really hurt_ because you're my best friend and you kept something like this from me. I was _heartbroken_. I just… I couldn't believe it until I saw you lying in this bed, half dead." Sam's stomach started to feel queasy when she said that.

"Do you know how bad that _hurts?_ Realizing that your _best friend _was keeping secrets from you? The same girl that I danced around my living room with singing "Pocket Full of Sunshine" with. The same girl that kicked Greg Peterson's butt because he cheated on me with Olivia Oller. The same girl that I've known since third grade, and that has been right by my side ever since." Sam saw tears' glistening in Carly's pleading eyes.

"_That_ girl, kept an eating disorder from me. And it hurt." The tears fell free from Carly's eyes and she turned around and faced the wall so she could gain control of herself.

When Sam had 'woken up' no one had brought up the disorder or the broken relationships. She hadn't screamed and yelled at her mother as soon as she saw her and Carly didn't scream and yell at her when she woke up. Everyone had just gone back to the way they were before all of this had happened.

Sam knew she would have to talk about it sooner or later.

She didn't know, though, that her actions had such an affect on the other people in her life. She thought that it was her business and if she wanted to talk about it then she would. She didn't think that Carly would be so hurt by it. But, then again, she didn't think that Carly wouldn't show some kind of emotion.

"Carly…" Sam said softly to her turned back and tense shoulders, getting ready to launch off into endless apologies and explanations. But Carly interrupted her, turning back around to face her.

"But I forgive you for that… for now. Right now, we have to deal with Freddie. So, as I was saying, when I finally _was_ brought into the loop, I noticed that Freddie was acting weird. I noticed the way he would just look at you… with this face… this face full of love and compassion... I didn't understand it at first; I didn't know that he was over me. I was confused. I saw how upset he's been the whole time we were here. I saw how _broken,_ how _damaged_, and how _devastated_, he was when your heart started beating. We were all upset but there was something about the way he was…"

"I ignored it at the time, playing it off as if it was just his way of grieving. But when you came back, I _saw_ the hope and the love and the life that filled his eyes. While you while you were gone, so was he. It was like he was lifeless, too tired to go on. But when you came back, it was like that life came back to him and that shine came back in his eyes. It was like he was whole again."

"Of course, I ignored it again, thinking that must have been how I looked too. But after a couple days, he started to look frustrated. He continued to look at you as if you were the very sun that lit the sky and I continued to watch him do it."

"I don't think I've ever been so fascinated by a person… Finally, I confronted him about it. He told me how he was over me, and how he sees me as a sister now. And I asked him if it was because he liked _you_, and he said yes. He _loves_ you. We all see it. It's so obvious."

Carly stopped talking then, Sitting down in one of the chairs right next to Sam's bed and sitting back, exhausted from all of the talking. It was Sam's turn now, and she waited patiently for her to speak.

Sam sat in silence for a moment. Thinking to herself so hard she thought her brain might explode. She didn't know it was possible for so many thoughts to fly through her head.

_Do you like him?_

_Do you believe her?_

_Does he __**really**__ like you?_

_I think I like…_

_Why is all of this happening so suddenly?_

… _Him._

_Did I just say that?_

_Do I want to take the risk?_

_Is it worth it?_

_I am so confused. _

_Do I like him?_

_Where is he?_

_I think I do…_

_What am I saying?_

_I could really get hurt if I let myself get attached to him…_

_But isn't that what love is about? Taking the chance…_

_Risking…_

_Giving it your all…_

She felt like there were multiple voices in her head, arguing and encouraging, hiding and wondering. She didn't know what to do.

"But what if it ends badly?" Her voice comes out softly, almost in a whisper, "What if it ends up like his crush on you and he decides he doesn't 'love' me anymore? What if he decides he likes you again? All of the guys I like eventually do…" She muttered, looking down and fiddling with her fingers.

_What if?_

_Maybe it's worth it…_

_But what if it works out?_

_What if it doesn't?_

_What if I get hurt?_

_Or what if maybe, just maybe, I fall in love and live happily ever after?_

_Yeah… riiiiiight. _

_It's possible. Anything is possible. _

_But am __**I **__worth it? What if eating again makes me fat and worthless again. What if Karrisa and those prissy girls were right?_

Sam thinks back to one of the reasons she continued to starve herself, one of the things that made her keep going.

"_**Well if it isn't **__**Samantha Puckett**__**." A voice sneered from behind Sam as she made her way out of the school at the end of the day. She stuck her head back inside and saw Karrisa Melee and her 'posse'. **_

_**It was about a month after the baseball and throwing up 'incident'. Sam was trying hard not to do it again, but food just wasn't fun anymore. **_

"_**Well if it isn't Karrisa Melee and the clones." Sam smirked, looking at all of the girls who were dressed very similarly and stood behind Karrisa, their leader. **_

_**Karrisa has shoulder length black hair and she's like, half Asian with dark eyes and she's always wearing heavy makeup he kind of bright makeup that makes it completely obvious that you're wearing a lot of makeup. **_

_**She glared at Sam and looked at the fat cake she was holding in her hand. Sam hadn't really seen Karrisa and the girls since before her dad died, she hoped she'd never see them again. **_

_**But here they are, standing right in front of her. **_

"_**I see you're **_**still**_** eating." Karrisa snickered, rolling her eyes to the girls behind her. They all started gigging. "Not like you **_**ever**_** stop. You're going to get fat!"**_

"_**She already is!" One of the clones declared and they erupted into another fit of giggles. Sam looked down, her cheeks getting warm. **_

"_**She is," Karrisa finalized it and everyone continued to laugh. Sam could feel her cheeks burning as she avoided their eyes and tried to block out their laughter and their comments. **_

"_**Look at her tummy!"  
**_

"_**Look at her man hands!"**_

"_**Her cheeks are so puffy!"**_

_**Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. Sam turned around and threw the building door open. She could hear their laughter and insults increase as she ran out the door. **_

"_**Run Puckett, run!"**_

"_**Do you good to get some exercise!"**_

"_**Lay off the fat cakes!" **_

It was so hard after that day, not to compare herself to other, prettier girls. She began to notice all of her flaws and became very self conscious. Those girls made fun of her multiple times afterward, but by then, she was done ignoring them. Instead, she listened to them.

"Do you even realize how lucky you are?" Carly's voice brings her back to reality and she looks at Carly, whose expression is softer, but firm.

"Lucky? Me?" Sam snorts. Carly rolls her eyes and leans forward.

"Sam, I would _kill_ to find someone who loves me as much as Freddie loves you. Sure, guys like me, sometimes. But none of them _like_ me! You've seen the…" She leaned closer and whispered, "Assholes…" She leaned back up and Sam almost laughed at how funny it was.

"That I've dated!" Carly continued, "None of them cared about _me_. Half of them just wanted to trick me into sex. Sam you are _so_ lucky. Luckier than you realize. I've _always_ admired you."

Sam's mouth dropped open. The Queen of _Perfect_ was jealous of her? "You're jealous of _me!_"

Carly nodded, "Of course I am. You're drop dead gorgeous, with long blonde hair and blue eyes. You can… ahem… did eat anything you wanted and you stayed thin." Both of them looked down awkwardly, but Carly continued.

"You can be tough when you need to be, you're talented… Sam there's a list of amazing things about you. I mean… Freddie _loves_ you, he really does. And you'd be stupid if you didn't at least give him a chance."

Sam was shocked. She had so much to think about. So much to figure out. But she'd save that for later, when she was alone. She was glad that she had someone to go to when she needed help. Glad that Carly would always slap some sense into her.

She looked at Carly, her best friend, and thought back to all those times Freddie had asked her out or flirted with her in obvious ways. She thought back to that pang that was always in her stomach as she watched this; the pang she always passed off as coming from the disgustingness of watching it.

And then she thought back to the little 'game' she and Freddie had been playing since fifth grade. She remembered the witty and playful things he had said to her, the touching, the talking… The kiss.

That first kiss.

All of it.

She thought, and she thought. She thought until Carly excused herself to go downstairs to talk to Pam and Melanie. She thought as she sat in her room alone. Thinking about everything she and Freddie had gone though, and every hidden message, every game, every trick, every moment.

She thought until there was a tap on the wall over near the curtain. When she heard that, she was momentarily peeved at the fact that she couldn't afford a real room…

But when she looked over at the curtain and saw the figure standing there, everything she was thinking, everything she was feeling, was momentarily gone. All she could do was stare into his brown eyes and feel her heart melt and her chest grow warm and her stomach grow jumpy.

"Can I come in?" He asked, his voice was soft and cautious. He looked tired, now that she really looked at him. He looked like… like he hadn't slept in days. His eyes were red and there were bags underneath them.

All of the anger she felt toward him earlier… it was gone. She was shocked, but at the moment, she didn't want to kill him.

"Sure," She said just as softly. They held eye contact as he slowly walked over to her bedside and sat in the chair closest to her face.

"Sam, I'm sorry. About earlier. I was stupid. I was… I just… I wanted to tell you in private but everyone wouldn't… leave! I just had to tell you though. And I meant it, I really did. Carly told me that you thought it was just revenge… I would _never_ do that. _I would never hurt you like that_. I won't hurt you like other guys have done in the past. I won't betray you like Jonah or try to change you like Pete. I wouldn't do that to you I just…" His voice cracked and he stopped talking for a moment. She remained quiet, wanting to let him get it all out. She wanted to hear everything. He had his head down as he talked, staring at his knee instead of her.

"I want you to be happy. I would prefer it if you were happy with me… but I can't force you to feel the same way I do. I realize that. I can't _force_ you to like me. I'm not likeable. I'm not that wolf dude from Twilight or a male model or anything. I'm _not_. And I can't help that. I want you to like me for me, not out of guilt or anything though so don't worry about my feelings."

He sighed, "I don't know, Sam, I really don't. Maybe I'm supposed to be this wimpy little kid who falls in love with his neighbor and strives for her for the rest of my life. Maybe that's how I'm supposed to be. But I can't be that way. I can't be _that_ guy. Because my neighbor's best friend is mighty gorgeous," He gave her a small smile and then looked down again.

"And I… I fell in love with her. She's crazy though. But I think that's what I love most about her. She's different. Not boring."

"I can't be the little nerd boy who falls in love with Carly, because I fell in love with you," He says, looking into her eyes with all of the love and emotion he feels for her. Trying to convince her that he is serious. That he has no intentions of hurting her.

Before she could respond, a nurse stuck her head around the curtain.

"Sorry, but Ms. Puckett, it's time for dinner." She interrupted and Sam grimaced at the food they would inject into her system. Maybe this time she would let them actually feed it to her; she was tired of that needle.

Sam looked at Freddie, and he looked right back, the nurse cleared her throat and Freddie slowly stood up and walked backwards back toward the curtain.

"Freddie," Sam said, and he nodded his head slightly, stopping right next to the nurse. "Look, Freddie, if you know what's good for you, what's _best_ for you, _**don't **_fall in love with me." She said in a soft voice, barely loud enough for him to hear. Before he could reply, the nurse cleared her throat and sort of pushed him out of the room.

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When she was done eating, Melanie and Pam came back to her room, their small family being gathered together for the first time in… months.

When Melanie and Pam first walked into the room, Sam remembered something.

They were in the middle of a conversation and Melanie was talking, saying something about one of her professors, and Sam interrupted her.

"I never forgave you." She said firmly, but calmly. Her eyes bore into her mother's as she spoke. "I don't know if I ever will."

"Sam…" Her mother began but she interrupted again.

"DO you know how hard it was? Losing one parent, and then the other goes crazy?" She turned to Melanie, "I never forgave you either."

"Me? I-"

"Yes you. You _left_. Right after Dad died you just left us. Mom… she went crazy. She started drinking… a lot, and sleeping with random men and… it was bad. And I _needed _you. I _needed both of you_. But neither of you were there." Her voice cracked, and she felt tears sliding down her cheeks.

"I was _hurting_, I still am. I was being harassed and teased, and told I was fat and everything. He _haunted _me, because I wasn't as perfect as Mel was, getting accepted into great schools and bouncing back from his death so quick. I felt _weak_, and I felt _out of control_."

"I had to control something. I had to gain control of my life again. I decided to start by not being so 'fat' anymore. I _starved_ myself. I _threw up_. And once again, _I needed you both, _more than ever. And _once again, _neither of you were there." Her voice cracked again and she paused as a small sob poured out of her.

"And you," She faced her mom only this time, "_While_ I needed you, you were too busy getting drunk and _hitting_ me, _hurting_ me, to even try to help me. You were too selfish to help me. I needed a mother. I needed one bad, but I didn't have one. I don't even know if I have one now." She glared at both of them, before leaning her head back and staring at the ceiling, waiting for their reactions.

Melanie was the first one to speak. "Sam, you don't know how _sorry_ I am. I should have known. I should have…" Sam could her hear voice cracking and looked over to see the tears brimming over her sister's lids. "I should have done a lot of things. A lot of things that I didn't do. I was… I was scared. So I ran. I thought that if I focused on school more than ever then the pain would go away. But I guess I should have known that it wouldn't. I'm sorry I neglected you. I was trying so hard to make myself forget, to make the pain go away… I didn't think. I'm sorry," She was crying now, covering her face and sobbing. Sam ignored the tubes and sat up and rubbed Melanie's arm, trying to calm her down.

"Mel… I know it hurts. It hurt me too and it still does. But you can't push the pain away. You have to deal with it. And I think we can both deal with it, together. I promise, we can make it through this together."

"Me too, I promise." Melanie said, having removed her hands and now gave Sam a sad smile. Sam intertwined her fingers with hers and smiled back.

"I owe you the biggest apology." Ms. Puckett interrupted the moment, and both girls snapped their attention to her. "I was a bitch to you… A big one. But that was my way of healing. Melanie ran away, you… stopped eating… and I drank. I wanted him back so badly. And both of you, you look so much like him it… it pained me to see that part of him in you and I just took all of my frustrations and angers with his death out on you."

"I shouldn't have done that. I know I shouldn't have. But I did. And I wish that I could take it back. Believe me, I'm sober right now and I…. I'm seeing that therapist we saw a few months ago. I need help and I know it. So I'm getting help."

"I have two daughters that I need to take care of and I can't continue taking care of you the way I am. And seeing as Melanie may hopefully be coming home more often," She gave Melanie a hopeful look and she replied with a smile. "I'll need to learn to take care of myself and both of you better."

"I know I'm late. And that you two will be applying for colleges and jobs next year. I know that next year is your last year in high school and I am so sorry that it took me this long to realize…" Tears slid down her face and her voice cracked. Sam and Melanie had only seen their mother cry a handful of times. That was why Sam didn't like to cry, Puckett's didn't do that. Melanie was emotional though so she cried often.

But to both of them, seeing that weak side of their mother, they realized that even the people who seem the strongest, even the people you try to mold yourself after, they're still human being and they still have feelings.

Sam knew her mom meant it, she saw it in her eyes and in the fact that she was crying in a public place where anyone could walk in and see her. She knew the pain her mom was feeling, and she kind of understood. She made a promise to herself right then though, if things didn't get better, she would leave again.

For now though, Ms. Benson couldn't find out that Sam had been living there. She would have to go home.

Sam didn't realize that they were all crying now.

"I'm just so sorry." Her mom cried and Sam reached out and took her hand. Melanie took both of their hands and all of the Puckett girls gave each other small smiles as tears slid down all of their cheeks.

They cried together then, all of them. They cried for the loss of their father and spouse, they cried for their broken relationships, they cried for their reunion, they cried for the fact that Sam was in a hospital- they cried for everything.

Crying until all of their sobs mixed together. They hugged each other, and held each other, and cried.

Finally.

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Freddie didn't come back that night; shortly after her mom and sister left visiting hours were over. Pam hadn't really left the hospital yet (neither had Freddie), she only went back to put Melanie's bags up, get some more stuff, and clean the house (with Melanie's help) for Sam's homecoming.

The doctors hadn't told her when she would be able to go home. They'd just said that they're waiting for her body to get to a certain weight and a certain mass until they could release her.

Sam was annoyed at all of the fuss, annoyed at having to be fed when she could do it herself, and annoyed at the fact that the cafeteria served ham for dinner and she didn't get any. She hadn't digested or truly enjoyed ham in so long; she hadn't digested or enjoyed _anything_ in so long.

She was afraid though, that all of this sudden eating and weight gain would make her fat again. She didn't want that. She didn't want the harassment she was sure to get from Karrisa and them when they saw her eating again.

Part of her wanted to stay in the hospital forever; so many things had happened to her there, so many people had shown that they really did care about her. And she felt safe there, like everything was better. She was afraid that once she went home, things would go back to the way they were before and this experience would only be a dream.

The other part of her though, wants to get the hell out of there. Hospitals are depressing and people who see you in a hospital always have that sympathetic, 'Aaaw that is so horrible!' look in their eyes. She's tired of it. She doesn't want anyone to feel sorry for her. She wants her pride back.

That night she slept nice, she didn't wake up until noon. She knew that Carly and Wendy and Gibby and all of her friends wouldn't be there to see her until after school was over, at almost four. Her mom and Melanie were either still asleep, or still cleaning. Spencer was working on an art project, this one he'd said, was for her, and she was very curious.

Once she woke up, the nurse came in and fed her. After she was done, she turned the TV on to Girly Cow, seeing a rerun that she had practically memorized.

She sat there for about an hour, just watching TV and feeling bored, before she heard a knock on the wall. She turned her head toward the wall and saw Freddie Benson sticking his head around the curtain and looking at her, a smile on his face.

"Whadaya want Freddinstein?" She teased, sticking her tongue out. His smile got even wider and he stepped around the curtain. Now that she could see all of his body, she saw that he was holding a big brown bear with something silver around the neck.

"Para ver que, Princess Puckett," He said, looking at her smile and bright blue eyes as he walked over to the chairs by the wall. He grabbed it and pulled it back over to her bedside and sat down closer to her face. He sat the bear down on his lap and smirked at her.

"I didn't understand what you just said but I don't care. Is that for me?" She asked, looking at the bear.

He laughed, "Yes, it's for you." He handed her the bear and she sat up, setting it in her lap. She looked at the silver thing around the neck and gasped.

"A necklace?"

"Yeah. It's a symbol I guess. My heart and the key to it. All yours." He said, watching for her reaction. Her eyes had that shine back to them and her face lit up as she carefully pulled the necklace from around the bear's neck and looked at it in her hand.

She looked at the small heart and small key with the intricate design. She smiled at how… 'Freddie' it was. No guy had ever done anything like this for her.

"It's so _you_," She said in a shaky voice, looking over into his chocolaty brown eyes. He didn't say anything, what happens next is all up to her.

So long they had done this, sat around trying to best each other. Moments, moments that added together to make a beautiful, great history. Moments of laughter, tears, and love.

This is it.

All of those moments lead up to this _one_ moment. All of those moments were just preparing her, making it easier for this moment to come. This moment of decision, and this moment of a glimpse into a future she had seen once before, in a dream.

_**After a while, two people walk into the room. There is a woman, with blonde hair and blue eyes, and a man with brown hair and brown eyes. The woman is holding a baby, wrapped up in a blanket. She's skinny. Skinnier than the normal female adult, but she looks healthy. **_

_**As they get closer, they're faces are more recognizable. **_

_**Markie laughs and looks at her, clearly entertained. "Yea Sam. That is you and Freddie, and your daughter. **_

_**Freddie and Sam turn toward each other and Freddie softly touches the baby's cheek. **_

"_**Sweet baby, Maya," He leans down and kisses her forehead. Sam watched this with an amused and love filled expression. **_

"_**Sweet little nub," She teases. He raises his eyebrows and she lifts her free hand and pulls his face closer to hers and kisses him. **_

Maybe it was a clue, a hint toward the future. Maybe in her subconscious mind Sam had always known that she and Freddie would end up that way. Or maybe she got a glimpse of the future so that the decision she's faced with now is easier.

His eyes glisten and all she wants to do is get lost in them. His hair is messy and it looks like he slept in his car.

He still looks cute, and innocent.

She doesn't realize she's kissing him until she feels his tongue ease into her mouth. She pulls away for a moment.

"I thought I told you not to fall in love with me?" She whispered, her eyes still closed.

His breath was warm as it hit her face, "It was way too late for that. I had already fallen."

And with that she threw her arms around his neck, ignoring the cords, and aggressively brought his lips back to hers.

_**[Okay you all *tears* this is it. This is the last chapter. But don't be sad, I'm going to be posting two or three epilogues soon. **_

_**Now the reason it took me so long to update this. I actually have a legit one. Myspace gave my computer a virus and the whole thing messed up. I'm in the process of finding the CD so I can reformat windows. Right now, I'm using a very very old computer to update because I know you all have been waiting for the longest time for me to update and I felt horrible. This computer is named Dinosaur, because it's so old, and I would like to thank Dinosaur for letting me use him to write this chapter (: **_

_**Also, if you're reading my other Seddie story I'm Not The One then you know I also have not updated that one either. That is because I lost all of my files and I have to re-write the chapter, and because I do not have eight reviews yet. **_

_**Anyway, thank you all so much for sticking with me throughout the whole story and a big thank you to the people who reviewed often and the ones who reviewed anytime at all. I had so much fun writing this story and I'm glad you all enjoyed reading it. Thank you. **_

_**Make a great day, - Ariel.] **_


	19. Epilogue One

"Are you ready?" Freddie asked for the umpteenth time. He and Sam were sitting in his car outside of Bushwell Apartments. There was a party going on in the Shay apartment to welcome Sam home, not like it was a secret though.

Sam hugged the bear in her lap closer to her chest. Then she turned around and gave him an annoyed look. "You've asked me that like a million times."

"Well judging by the fact that we're _still_ sitting here, in the car…" He trailed off and she glared at him.

"Well maybe I was still sitting here for a reason." She snapped, turning and looking out the window even though they were parked and there wasn't much to see.

"Really though," His tone softened as he reached over and poked her stomach, "Are you nervous?"

She sighed and turned back around, facing forward and looking down at the bear, avoiding his eyes. "No. Not really. It's just… It feels like I've been in that hospital for years, instead of just a few weeks. I've really missed it here."

"Aaaw Sam," He stroked her cheek and she finally faced him, "If you've missed it so much, then why are we still sitting in the car? I'll race ya!"

His attempts worked and a determined and defiant expression lit up her face. She threw her door open and slammed it shut. Before she ran off, she turned back to the window and made a face at him, and then ran off.

He smiled to himself and got out of the car, slamming the door shut and taking off after her.

She beat him, of course. And when he got there, panting, she was standing in front of the door smirking. He started to reach for the door knob but she slapped his hand away. He looked at her quizzically.

"Aren't we going in?"

She leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips. "Don't get your panties in a wad. Now we are." And then she opened the door and stepped inside.

It was just how they had expected it. As soon as she walked in there was screaming and a very off key 'Welcome Home Sam!', and then, before she could act surprised, she was being passed through the room, from one hug to the next. She was constantly being pulled into hugs and soon enough, she stopped trying to realize who was holding her and allowed herself to be passed around the room and hugged by everyone.

She felt like she was floating at sea. People pulled her close like waves hugging tight against her small body. She closed her eyes and allowed her to drift through. She didn't open her eyes until she felt a hand sling around her shoulder and she didn't feel the warmth of all of the bodies pressed closely against her.

She had made it to Freddie, he was smirking at her and had his arm around her shoulder, a peppy cola in his hand, offering it to her. She slapped him in the stomach and then grabbed the cola, careful not to hit him too hard.

"This is crazy," She said, taking a sip of her drink and leaned her head back into his arm.

"Did you really expect anything less? This _is_ Carly we're talking about."

"I guess so. No one... _knows_, right?" Suddenly, she felt very insecure and worried.

"Nope. Not a soul. Word around is that it was a heart attack from your obsession with salty foods."

"Seriously? Wow."

"Well. Oh, here comes Carly."

Carly walks up to them both, a goofy smile plastered on her face. "You two are _so_ cute!"

Freddie sighs and Sam rolls her eyes.

"So... do I hear wedding bells?" Carly teases.

"Carly, we're only seventeen."

"And? I didn't mean now anyway. Just sometime in the future." Both Sam and Freddie shuffled awkwardly. Their relationship had just started and already Carly was ready to plan their wedding.

"We haven't really talked about any of that. We _just_ started dating and I'm... recovering. We're focusing on _the present_, right now. Ya know, goin with the flow." Sam said, and Freddie nodded in reply.

Carly shrugged, "Yea that makes sense. Well, this party is bopping! Hey Freddie, can I steal Sam away from you for a few minutes? I need to talk to her in private."

"Uh... yeah. I'll go talk to Gibby or someone." Freddie squeezed Sam's shoulder before walking off into the crowd of people to find someone to talk to.

Carly grabbed Sam's arm and led her up the stairs to her bedroom.

Sam sat down on her bed, but Carly started pacing and walking around the room. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Sam began to get impatient. Carly was running her hand over a box on Carly's desk that Sam hadn't noticed was there before.

"Carles?"

Carly slowly picked the box up and walked over to her bed, setting it down and then climbing onto her bed and positioning it between her and Sam. She opened the box and pulled out a bunch of Popsicle sticks all glued together to form some weird shape.

Sam smiled when she saw it, "Is that the pony I tried to make you in third grade out of Popsicle sticks?" Carly smiled too and handed the pony to Sam.

"Yeah, I remember because I was really into _Pony Hello!_ At the time. You had wanted to buy me a pony but you spent all of your money on a ham. So during art, you made it and then gave it to me. You had this proud look on your face, and looked like you could do _anything_."

"I always had such confidence..." Sam said quietly, gazing down at the Popsicle pony. "Now that I look at it, it looks more like a flat firetruck." Sam laughed softly and Carly joined in. She pushed the box over to Sam.

Sam looked inside and saw that the box was fulled with mementos of their friendship. Anything Carly had of their that wasn't hug up or displayed around the house, was in this box. She pulled everything out; pictures, crappy art projects, drawings, lip gloss, ham wrappers, all sorts of random things that defined their whole friendship.

"You kept this?" Sam asked in awe, looking at a bubble gum wrapper she had given Carly. It was one of the joke wrappers and Sam thought it was hilarious.

"Of course I did." Carly laughed, reaching over and taking the wrapper, looking at it. "Because 'Whadaya get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?' is the funniest joke ever." She laughed and Sam joined in.

"Frostbite," She said softly. She looked back down at all of the mementos spread all over Carly's bed. "Man... this is amazing. I kept all of my stuff too. It's under a loose floorboard in my house, so no one can find it but me. We've been best friends for so long..."

"Yeah," Sam heard Carly reply. "Why didn't you tell me, Sam?" Carly said softly and Sam looked up and saw that Carly was looking down at her hands, her voice sounding hurt.

"Carly..."

"We're best friends. And we _promised_ no more secrets. You _know_ you could have told me something like this."

" I know. And I should have. I wanted to but... the monster ate me Carly. I wasn't the same Sam. It was the disease talking and eating me up until I was just a little voice in the back of my head. I should have told you, though. And I have no excuse for that."

"I know. I just... I can't stop thinking about how hard it must have been for you. And... I feel kind of hurt... betrayed. And I feel guilty because it's my fault too. I'm your _best friend, _I should have known that something was up. I shouldn't have dismissed your weird behavior as some sort of PMS thing or just something random. I should have known."

"It's not your fault Carly. _Not at all_. _I_ was the one keeping secrets, _I_ was the one who did this to myself. And you couldn't have known. No one did. Not even me. I had told myself I wouldn't lose that much weight. Just enough to get people off of my back and to... to be pretty. I wanted to make my father look down at me and be proud of how beautiful and thin I was."

"But- wait. Wait, did you just say 'look down on you'? What does that mean?"

"Oh... My dad. He didn't run off. He passed away. I was too ashamed and to hurt to tell anyone."

"Oh, Sam!" Carly exclaimed. Sam expected her to be mad, she figured she'd stop speaking to her or kick her out or stop being her friend. But Carly surprised her when she pushed the box away and pulled her into a tight, yet comforting hug.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry all of this happened to you." Carly mumbled into Sam's tangled curls.

"I'm sorry too, Carly. I'm sorry I did this to myself and to you and everyone else. And I am _so_ sorry I kept both of those huge secrets from you. I mean it this time, I won't lie or keep any secrets ever again. I promise. And If I do... you can cut my hair."

"Sam!" Carly pulled away and looked at Sam with wide eyes, "Not your hair! You _love_ your hair!"

"And I'd give it up if I hurt you again,"

"Aaawww. You may not get emotional very often but you are awesome when you are,"

"Yeah, just don't tell anyone." Sam winked. "So are we good now? We'll fix things and tell each other _everything_?"

Carly nodded, "We're better than good. We're Best Friends..." 

"Forever and a year!" Sam finished and the two hugged again.

When they pulled away, Sam's phone beeped and she saw that she had a text from Freddie.

"Oops!" Sam said aloud, "Freddie says that everyone is missing the hostess and the party girl." They both laughed and hugged again, before making their way back down to the party.

.

.

.

.

It was announced that some people were going to personally welcome Sam back and tell her how much they missed her. Which means, it's time for speeches.

This time, Sam sat in the chair, and Freddie stood behind her chair.

Gibby immediately got up on the high step and looked down at everyone, before pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it out into the crowd, causing everyone to start screaming.

"Okay, Sam. I am _so_ glad you're back! Ever since you've been gone, the football team has decided it's their job to take over for you and give me my 'daily wedgies'. And let's just say they know _exactly_ where to pull," Gibby winced and everyone laughed again.

"Anyway, school just isn't the same without you. Every thing's so boring and... normal. It sucks eggs! So...I'm going to welcome you back formally, by singing you a song.." He then started belting out the words to his own little made up song.

"Ooooooooooooooooh! Welcome baaaaaack Saaaaaaaam. She likes Ham!" He sang loud and off-key.

"BOO! GET OFF THE STAGE!" Sam yelled, and then proceeded to get up and give him a wedgie.

He stopped singing and then smiled at her, "Just like old times." She rolled her eyes and pushed him down into the crowd.

A few more people spoke, including Wendy, and then Freddie raised his hand and stepped around Sam's chair, walking over to face everyone.

"Okay, so, as you all know... Sam and I are... together. And I am so happy that she's back home. Where she belongs." Sam watched him, amused.

"I... I wrote you a poem Sam. And to prove that I am truly worthy of your love, I am going to read this very embarrassing and very bad poem, out loud, in front of everyone. Including my mother." He smiled at Sam and then winced when he saw his mother looking at him sternly from the back of the crowd. He pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and cleared his throat.

"I am in love,

with a girl named Sam.

When I tried to tell her,

She denied it and ran.

I hope one day I can prove to her

That she's the only girl for me

She's the only girl I dream about,

and the only girl I see.

When the time comes,

I hope she chooses me

I hope she replies to my question:

Sam Puckett, will you marry me?" Everyone gasped and looked at Sam, who's expression was a mis between embarrassed and shocked.

"I'm only seventeen?" She said.

"Not now. But, In the future?" He asked, looking only at her.

"Well... Sure. I... care about you and... I'd love to marry you." She turned and smirked at the crowd, "Then he'd be legally forced to make me sandwiches and carry me places." Everyone laughed and Freddie, smiling, cleared his throat.

"Okay, so now I will continue my poem.

"She has said yes,

It's me she prefers.

So now I pronounce us,

Demon and nerd."

The laughter in the room was the loudest of the night and Sam was laughing so hard she rolled out of her seat and onto the floor. When she finally gained control of herself, she walked over to Freddie. The rest of the room quieted down as she slipped her hand into his, "Sounds like a plan" She grinned.

.

.

.

After things had calmed down from Freddie's speech/slash poem. He had sat in Sam's chair and she had plopped down in his lap. Carly took her turn.

She walked up in front of everyone else, "Well, I don't know if I can top Freddie and his proposal..." Everyone laughed.

"But, I'm going to keep this short and sweet. I just wanted to say that Sam, you are my best friend. And I am _so_ glad that you are home again and you are feeling better. I've missed you so much, and I'm glad you and I are back to normal. I would also like to say that I am so happy that you and Freddie are together. We were _all_ waiting..." Carly gave the crowd an emphasized glance and a chorus of 'yeahs' and 'bout times' sounded out as Sam and Freddie smiled.

"And I'm glad that you two _finally_ got with the program. And I _better_ be maid of honor at your wedding!"

"You gottit dude!" Sam said sticking her thumbs up and quoting _Full House_.

The crowd applauded again, but was interrupted by the Shay door being banged open.

I heard there was a party and _I_ wasn't invited!" A voice sneered and Sam gulped looking over to see Karrisa Melee glaring at everyone. Her posse mimicked her expression as they stood behind her. They stomped in. Sam pulled Freddie over to Carly and leaned in close to them while Spencer asked the girls who they were.

"You two, I have _major_ issues with her. She makes fun of me and calls me fat and all. She's most of the reason I kept up with my... habit." Sam admitted, blushing and biting her lip.

"Don't worry Sam, we've got your back," Carly didn't sound mad and Freddie nodded.

"_I_ am Karrisa Melee, and I can't believe none of you _whores_ invited me to this... _thing!"_

Sam looked at Carly and Carly looked pissed. So did Freddie. Before she could stop her, Carly marched right over to where Karrisa and her posse was standing and Freddie pulled Sam along behind her.

"Excuse me," Carly said icily, a tone no one had heard Carly use before, "But I must be the _whore_ you're talking about because this is _my _house."

"And mine," Spencer said quietly but Sam glared at him and he immediately stopped talking.

"I don't care _who_ you are. But _I_ am Karrisa Melee and when almost the _whole_ school is gathered somewhere, _I _should be the first one invited."

A girl in Karrisa's posse that Carly recognized as one of Karrisa's 'besties', Taylor, spoke up. "Yeah! No one has a party without Karrisa."

"Shut up, Taylor." Karrisa barked and then turned back to Carly.

"Actually, this is a private party. For my best friend, Sam." Carly said. Sam's eyes widened as she looked around Freddie's back (where she was hiding behind him) and saw Karissa look directly at her.

"The fat one who's always eating?" Karrisa smirked, but Carly's facial expression didn't change. She looked over at Madison, another girl in Karrisa's crew that she recognized, and spoke directly to her.

"Really? Because I remember a few years ago at Sean Matthew's party, Madison here ate a _whole_ pizza by herself _and_ three cupcakes."

Carly turned to another girl, Josie, "And in fifth grade Josie was nicknamed 'Jumbo Josie,"

She turned to Alana, "And Alana really can't say anything because every time I saw her in seventh grade, she had _something_ in her mouth, or was getting ready to _put_ something in her mouth," Carly glared.

"And Karrisa, you might wanna go buy one of those new dictionaries." Carly turned and looked at Karrisa sweetly.

She scoffed, "And why would I do that?"

"Oh, there's a new definition of the word 'bitch'. By the way, that's a very nice picture of you."

The crowd of people behind her 'ooohhh'd' and someone shouted, 'Karrisa the Nose Picker!'

Karrisa's head snapped in that direction when she heard her old elementary school nickname. She mumbled, "It was _one_ time."

"Anyway!," She said loudly, "There are way _cooler_ parties we have to go to anyway," She turned around and motioned her posse out. They all glared at everyone one more time before stomping out, Karrisa last. Spencer, who had moved to stand by the door, snaked his foot out and tripped her. She fell into the hallway and turned around to yell something but Spencer shut the door in her face before she could speak.

Spencer turned around, grinning, and faced the party, "Well now that those _lame-Os _are gone..." He threw his hands up in the air, "Let's partaaaay!"

Sam pulled Carly into a hug and whispered, 'thank you'. Carly hugged back and replied, 'anytime'. When they pulled away, Freddie stepped up and slipped his hand around Sam's. Sam smiled at him and turned back to the awed crowd.

"You heard the man!" She held up her and Freddie's intertwined hand, "Let's partaaaay!"

**Honestly, I am very happy with this epilogue. I thought it would be crappy but I'm very happy with is and hope you all are too. Also, up where I talked about Carly and Sam's mementos, the spelling might be wrong because this computer is older and so is it's dictionary. My bad. Anyway, enjoy! And there's going to be either one, or two more epilogues and then it will be _all over_ :( Thank you faithful readers :)**

**Make a great day,**

**Ariel**


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